littleone

My mum lately actually this weekend was just sitting in the second living room and she was watchin TV and wasn't watching it with my father(alcoholic) and she looked very upset and I dont know what to do anymore because she looks very upset and so when I home from work yesterday sunday April 27 I had bought her something for mothers day and I was going to give her present to her when it was mothers day but she looked very upset and depressed so I gave it to her and it had made her very happy I could see that she was happy inside knowing that someone did care. and I asked her why she wasn't watching TV with my dad she said I dont care and I dont want to cuz he chooses alcohol. I asked her if she had slept on the couch all weekend and she said no but I know my dad was sleeping in the basement all weekend on the pull out bed and is makes me upset and also when I home from work that day I didn't expect to see someone from my dads work to be over and he was hammered and it made me get a lump in the back of my thrat becasue my dad is drinking with a very odd guy, I found out he had gone to drug rehab and has been clean for at least a year now but he is very spun still and he kinda creeped me out but I had my friends with me when he was there and I dont hide what goes on from them. I tell my friend that lives next door everything and we talk she helps me and I help her she considers me her bug sister, and I do consider her my little sister and we are good. I also talk to my boyfriend about things but not everything because I dont want him to feel sorry for me even though he has heard things I talk about and, one night when I had gotten my four wisdom teeth pulled he came to visit me and my dad was drunk and my dad scared him away by making him feel uncomfortable he didn't come to my house for a few weeks and I told him if I can live with my alcoholic father Im sure u can at least come around and not let it bother you , and I told him I know I dont want you to be in the same situation as me but I dont want him to feel that my dads alcoholism is his problem too because its not and I dont EVER want it to be. I dont want my boyfriend to see things like that he shouldn't have to see it because its not good on my side. anyways what I was getting at is I feel sorry for my mothers depression due to feeling that my dad chooses alcohol over us, lately it has been making me depressed and I dont know why, I guess I can live with it if I have been all my life because I dont want to leave my dad because he will get depressed and drink his life away andI dont want that....... Actually I dont know what im talking about ... Im just blabbing on about stupid stufff... im good...

Ahmen, god bless, dear father help mine......!


Littleone

Barbara52

Littleone, I do hope you reach out to all those who can help you deal with this, including AlAnon. You are being deeply affected by what you are dealing with in your alcoholic household.

Bernadette

Hi again Littleone-
I agree with Barbara. You are being deeeply affected and it would be great for you to look around for some experienced help - whether with a counselor from your school or AlAteen or AlAnon.
Have you ever mentioned AlAnon to your Mom? She might find some relief and new ideas there, she sounds pretty down also.

Are you in Bowmanville ONT?
If so here are the links for Alanon in your area:

ONTARIO (SOUTH) WEB SITE: Ontario South Al-Anon - Alateen
HAMILTON -Al-Anon Info Serv (905-522-1733) PO Box 3711, L8H 7N1

You could always try a few meetings - just see if it helps. Maybe take a friend with you. You don't have to say anything at a meeting - you can just sit and listen if you want.

What's great is that you are seeing things as they really are i.e. your dad is an alcoholic and you are not attempting to hide that from your friends or boyfriend. That is great because there is nothing to be ashamed of. You didn't cause your dad's alcoholism, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

What's not so good is that YOU are so young and feeling responsible for your mom and your dad. You should be planning and getting on with your own young life!! You're getting to an age of independence and that should be an exciting time, not a time of worry about what will happen to your parents if/when you leave home. Your parents are both very sick- your dad from alcohol and your mom from years of coping with an alcoholic.

I've been where you are Littleone- and it is hard to separate - I also felt like if I went and did my own things that my mom would be depressed and, well, I knew my dad was just gonna keep drinking - i could see right in front of my eyes that I couldn't control it - heck HE couldn't control it himself.

It's hard to be a teeneager in this type of family dynamic. I know I felt very blue and lonely a lot of the time. But at some point you have to accept that you cannot change these people. They are adults with their own destiny in life - just like you! If you can start thinking about yourself and your plans you'll find strength in that, because the only person you can change in this situation is yourself! Believe it!

Keep posting - you're never blabbing on about stupid stuff - everyone here takes this stuff very seriously - we've been in your shoes and we want to extend a hand and say things can and will get better!
(((HUGS)))
Peace,
B.