kate1323

I am at the point now where I eventually feel bad for my husband & let him come back home. ( he has been gone for 3 days ) He is attending his NA meetings, and acts like he is making an effort..Reading his books, talking with his sponser etc. The thing is... Last Monday he brought a bottle which he tried to pass of as Tramadol. He wanted me to watch him flush it, beacuse he was "done" ....It was filled with 100 baby asprin.. He honestly thought I would fall for this??.. Then when I confronted him and said I knew that this wasnt tramadol, he was immediately blaming the pharmacy for filling the bottle with the wrong Medication?!?! Seriously?.. Someone slap me! Why do I even doubt that he is using? ...... How do I stand my guard & stay strong??..

best

By getting to a point of realizing you are worth the effort. Your boundaries are for your peace in life. You are worth it.

BayAreaPhoenix

The denial for me, even with "proof" is so hard to stand up to, but I'm finally to the point where I don't care what he says. I know what I know.

We have been well trained to alter our reality to reconcile and live in theirs. But, we know what we know, believe in yourself.

(((hugs)))

lightseeker

the best answer that I know to your question is to take good care of yourself - emotionally, physically, and spiritually. We all have different ways of doing this and it's important to find what works for you. Then, it helps to explore boundaries - what they are, how to create them, how to hold to them.

These are the basic steps that eventually lead to trusting yourself. Once you do that then the questions begin to disappear because you already know the answer. You begin to value yourself and the boundaries become easier to discern.

Both sides of these disease (anon and addict) become very compromised in their actions, thoughts, and behaviors. If I ever want to get a quick check on my mental health I look around and see who I am around.....they are a reflection of me and who I have attracted into my life. I use that as a wake up call to take the steps that I need to take to rise to the surface and the sunlight of living happy, joyous, and free.

Hope that this is a little bit of a help. I've asked the same questions for years and these are the only answers that I have found so far.

daisylady

(((Kate1323)))

I am in the same boat... do I leave or not? this thought goes through my head every day. My AH has been out of impatient rehab just over 30 days (this was his second time) and he is already smoking pot again... I totally busted him this weekend. Of course my heart says "it is just pot it is not a big deal" but my brain knows that this will only lead to other things (his doc) if this does not stop. Pot IS a big deal because he is an addict and addicts can't handle ANY drug.

I just wonder when I am going to feel like I deserve better than this? When will I wake up and realize this is not the life I want to live. I want MORE, I want to feel like I DESERVE MORE.

So I will say to you what I need to feel for myself. Kate, you deserve better and you deserve more and you are worth it!

Peace to you,

Daisy

hope213

you will know when YOU have hit your bottom. nobody can tell you when you have had enough just like nobody can tell your husband. you will just know. prayers,

itisatruth

You asked, "How do I stand my guard and stay strong?" and I wish I could give you an answer, but like others, I have not made that choice of whether or not to leave, and like hope said, I think we each will know when we have had enough. What I want to tell you is what I tell myself each day: I am doing the best I can when I do things to take care of myself....today.

Trust yourself and take care.....Rica

ZombieWife

I just stood my ground and didn't put up with any s**t. If mine had that kind of ****-eyed story, I would have nailed him bigtime. It's that kind of drama that you have to get used to with addicts:

it's not my stuff.
it's someone else's.
it's old stuff I found.
someone else made a mistake.

blah blah blah....

My motto is that I'd rather be a hard-arse. It's just me, it's my personality. I'm very tyrannical about it. I'm not sure that's necessarily a good thing, but it helped me through some bad spots and he knows exactly where he stands. Thing is, I'm usually not that kind of a person--I'm as easy going as they come in every other aspect of my life.

You will find the strength. When his needs and addiction continue to effect your well-being and your ability to live a good, quality life. When the thought of kicking him out or letting him fall becomes a "relief" and not "dread."

That said, I think it's different for us all, but that's how I knew.