Jes23

I am in a terrible place. I have tried calling all the numbers that I recieved at the meeting and no one is answering. I need help. I am at my end. God, I just don't even have the thoughts to type anything. Sorry guys, i didn't know where else to turn. I am sick of the lies, the shame, the guilt, everything. I don't know what to do.

Please dear God, I am an alcoholic and I am powerless. I just want to cry out "help me" I dont know where to go. I am at work right now so a I can't go to a meeting.

barb dwyer

Well, Jes - you're here now - and you're not alone.

SO take a breath, hon.

WE're here.

Jes23

Thanks. I am in complete despiration.

serenityqueen

Jess, take a breath Hon.

You can cry out to God for help, no matter where you are.

Instead of focusing on the guilt, shame . . . try focusing on the good things.

I know it may sound like a gratitude list is my answer to everything But for me it is. Here's a few for starters:

How many days do you have clean?

Did you wake up knowing what you did last night?

You have a job

You have your health

You have those phone numbers


Ok, you said you're at work and you can't go to a meeting. Have you been going?

Ok, say it with me here : God Grant me the Serenity
To Accept the Things I Cannot Change,
Courage to Change The Things that I Can
&
The Wisdom to Know the Difference.


Jess, this too shall pass. With each bad time you get through, I believe that you take a tiny bit of the power away from your addiction

You're going to be ok.

Try some deep breathing!

You're in my thoughts,
Judy

Jes23

Thanks serenityqueen. Once I get off work I plan to call again and go to a meeting. I just want all this anguish to go away. How did I become this? I am so young, I don't want my life to be a waste yet I feel so hopeless and helpless.

CarolD

Jess...
Yes...prayers help me immensley.

Have you eaten recently?
Can you take a short pause from your work
to get outside for a walk?

ken67

Jes,
I'm on day 2.....I am at work also.
Things will start getting real hairy for me in a day or two, physically.
Right now, I am coping, through prayer.

I just said another one, and included you in it.

Jes23

I only have 3.5 more hours until I can leave. Sadly I can not leave my desk (I work at a front desk type deal.) At least the phone is not ringing..Trying to sound "normal" right now would be really difficult. Thank goodness it a Sunday morning and this place is nearly empty. I don't know what I would do if it was busy.

barb dwyer

it's okay now - we're here - did something happen?
or did the world just get really big all of a sudden?

Anna

Hi Jes,

I'm sorry you're feeling bad, but you are getting through this.

Take care of yourself, and as Carol said, eat something, then later try to get some rest.

I do understand your complete frustration with this disease and what it does to us.

Hang in there and continue to post. We're here for you!

Jes23

Something happened and I drank last night. I have never felt this way before - like everything is going to come crashing down. I know I need to calm down. I have surpassed problem drinking and now have a dependence (sp?) I am scared and I know I need help. Last night I had this intense urge followed by anxiety and a quick need to get to the store. I knew when I was going in there that it was all terrible and that I would end up paying for it some how, yet I felt like nothing could stop me.

I am thinking about coming clean to my family soon. I know (well I hope) that they will be supportive. I am sick of all the lies. I am scared ********.

Katecan

((((Jes23)))) Things can get better from this moment on if you are completely ready to surrender. I promise you that. We are here for you.

CarolD

O yes....the remorse and guilt the morning after drinking.
......I remember it well.
This can be the last time you feel this miserable.

Your plan for finding a meeting is excellent.
You too can recover.

Jes23

HA! This is just so strange. I have absolutly never felt this way (I didn't even have enough to get wasted last night) and I have done some pretty ****** things while drinking. Nothing really even happened either. Just sat on my couch with a beer (is this how a 24 yr old is supposed to live??)

Anna

I also had those obsessive-compulsive urges with drinking Jes. I would start thinking about drinking in the back of my mind and the next thing I knew, I'd find myself walking to the wine store, knowing full well, it would be a huge mistake, but doing it anyways. It was absolutely terrifying.

You can take a step away from this vicious cycle. Take some deep breaths, know that you can get past this anxiety and that you don't need to drink today.

ANGELINA243

Sweetheart, don't give up! No, there is certainly more to life than living like that. I was a problem drinker by age 18....definitely full blown alcoholic by 23. I"m 29 now--but the past 10 years seemed to have "magically" disappeared somehow. That is definitedly no way to live. Get help while you are still willing--now! Trust me--it will only become harder to quit later on. This disease is out to kill us--period!

MagicMan08

Jes, I am right along with you on this one. For some strange reason, this last relapse kicked my butt. I was extremely depressed last night, and didn't really know what to do with myself. I too was at work while I was struggling....you are not alone. But we can both share one BIG thing in common....our sobriety date! I am excited to be free from the stranglehold this disease has on me! We can do it!