Reality Check Please.....!!!!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
Reality Check Please.....!!!!!!!
Hi gurls ok I need a reality check here real fast so your input is needed! I want to make sure that I am thinking correctly here ok.
A story......I need your opinion;
A man gets online, places an ad on a dating service. Girl contacts him. They write, the talk on the phone, 10 Days later she says, Oh I love you I can't live without you. He says, Oh I love you I can't live without you. I want you to have my babies.
She lives in NC he in Tx, she is 19 he is 27.
She sends him pictures of herself, nakked showing her privat parts. She is fat and ugly, he says oh you the most beautiful girl on earth I always love you.
Yes ladies this is my ex's latest venture. Unfortunately I found out about it and I really do not care either way. I am so glad I am away from him!
4 Weeks ago he met another chick online same stupid stuff, than she dumped him like trash. 1 week later he picks up this chick online.
Please someone tell me that this is Psycho behavior on their part!
A story......I need your opinion;
A man gets online, places an ad on a dating service. Girl contacts him. They write, the talk on the phone, 10 Days later she says, Oh I love you I can't live without you. He says, Oh I love you I can't live without you. I want you to have my babies.
She lives in NC he in Tx, she is 19 he is 27.
She sends him pictures of herself, nakked showing her privat parts. She is fat and ugly, he says oh you the most beautiful girl on earth I always love you.
Yes ladies this is my ex's latest venture. Unfortunately I found out about it and I really do not care either way. I am so glad I am away from him!
4 Weeks ago he met another chick online same stupid stuff, than she dumped him like trash. 1 week later he picks up this chick online.
Please someone tell me that this is Psycho behavior on their part!
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Hey prettywoman
I don't know what you would call your ex's behavior. But it is his behavior and not your problem. He will do what he does and there is nothing you can do about it.
You say you don't care either way and that would seem to be what is best, since it has nothing to do with you.
You need to continue to take care of you and your newborn.
How is the baby? I hope things are going well with him.
Many hugs,
Debbie
I don't know what you would call your ex's behavior. But it is his behavior and not your problem. He will do what he does and there is nothing you can do about it.
You say you don't care either way and that would seem to be what is best, since it has nothing to do with you.
You need to continue to take care of you and your newborn.
How is the baby? I hope things are going well with him.
Many hugs,
Debbie
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hi Prettywoman,
I have to agree with Deb on this one... Don't worry about what HE'S doing
!
However, I DO have something contribute...
I have a GF... a good friend of mine. She was in a relationship for 5 years with a man, and they had 2 children. She broke it off with him about 3 years ago, and has been single ever since. My GF used to be the most attractive, slim, beautiful woman you ever saw... after her 2 kids, she gained a lot of weight... and HUGE self-esteem issues.
She used to "play" on the puter in the beginning, and found an outlet for her pain. She too would meet men in chat rooms etc. and begin "relationships" with them online. She has a drinking "problem" (I hesitate to say "alcoholic" because I am not convinced she is)... she uses alcohol to NUMB the pain of her self-esteem issues. When she is drunk and online, she does unthinkable things with these men online - ie: does cam shows for them, sends nasty pics etc. I think she gets off on the fact that these men WANT to talk to her, WANT to be intimate with her... its not like that in the real world for her. Its almost as if she can HIDE from the "real" world this way... perhaps your ex finds the same thing.
Maybe he likes that he can be someone else online... these woman don't really KNOW him, they don't KNOW of his problems... and therefore he doesn't have to feel shame for just being himself.
I am also thinking that addicts can be addicts in more ways than just drugs and alcohol... perhaps he finds it easy to become drawn in to the world of porn and internet obsession. He IS an addict after all.
Just my 2 bits,
Hope all is well.
Meg
I have to agree with Deb on this one... Don't worry about what HE'S doing
!However, I DO have something contribute...
I have a GF... a good friend of mine. She was in a relationship for 5 years with a man, and they had 2 children. She broke it off with him about 3 years ago, and has been single ever since. My GF used to be the most attractive, slim, beautiful woman you ever saw... after her 2 kids, she gained a lot of weight... and HUGE self-esteem issues.
She used to "play" on the puter in the beginning, and found an outlet for her pain. She too would meet men in chat rooms etc. and begin "relationships" with them online. She has a drinking "problem" (I hesitate to say "alcoholic" because I am not convinced she is)... she uses alcohol to NUMB the pain of her self-esteem issues. When she is drunk and online, she does unthinkable things with these men online - ie: does cam shows for them, sends nasty pics etc. I think she gets off on the fact that these men WANT to talk to her, WANT to be intimate with her... its not like that in the real world for her. Its almost as if she can HIDE from the "real" world this way... perhaps your ex finds the same thing.
Maybe he likes that he can be someone else online... these woman don't really KNOW him, they don't KNOW of his problems... and therefore he doesn't have to feel shame for just being himself.
I am also thinking that addicts can be addicts in more ways than just drugs and alcohol... perhaps he finds it easy to become drawn in to the world of porn and internet obsession. He IS an addict after all.
Just my 2 bits,
Hope all is well.
Meg
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern Maryland
Posts: 169
It would be agrivating .....
if it weren't so pathetic.
Been through some of the same stuff with my A..... although not quite as outrageous.
Just shows you how INCREDIBLY low their self-esteem is, in spite of pretending that they're on top of the world.
Thank goodness none of us need to send naked pics of ourselves in order to have good conversation!
Been through some of the same stuff with my A..... although not quite as outrageous.
Just shows you how INCREDIBLY low their self-esteem is, in spite of pretending that they're on top of the world.
Thank goodness none of us need to send naked pics of ourselves in order to have good conversation!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
Barbe
Ok this is not why I posted this on here. I want to know what anyone thinks about such a behavior in general.
It does not matter if he is my ex or not I just feel itis sick behavior on his part.
My son is fine thank you for asking.
It does not matter if he is my ex or not I just feel itis sick behavior on his part.
My son is fine thank you for asking.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
Meg
YES!! That is what I am thinking! I was making sure I wasen't loosing my good sense:-)
I agree I think he is ashamed of what he is doing and is numbing his own pain in all of this. He knows what he is doing wrong.
I want to make something clear, I do not want him back nor do I want him in my life in any shape or form.
I am not concerned with what he does and when he does it. I just wanted to make sure I was thinking straight on this because this is totally outrageous behavior to me.
I think he is acting out his problems big time.
I guess I am still stunned that a human being can actually behave this awful.
Thank you for your input!!
I agree I think he is ashamed of what he is doing and is numbing his own pain in all of this. He knows what he is doing wrong.
I want to make something clear, I do not want him back nor do I want him in my life in any shape or form.
I am not concerned with what he does and when he does it. I just wanted to make sure I was thinking straight on this because this is totally outrageous behavior to me.
I think he is acting out his problems big time.
I guess I am still stunned that a human being can actually behave this awful.
Thank you for your input!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 407
PWoman -
How did you happen to find out what he was up to? I'm confused as to your relationship with your ex. Do you continue to have contact with him? Does he know about the birth of your son?
If he is out of your life, why do you continue to let his behaviour eat at you so much? You have a brand new baby to take .care of and in order to do that well, you need to really take care of yourself and your emotions.
It is so hard to let go of the hurts inflicted by those that we love. No matter how strong we think we are, we can collect those hurts until the emotional pain can make us sick - both emotionally and physically. I speak from experience - I had a heart attack that was stress related. It is certainly not your fault that he wants to live like that. Can you let it go - just for today? You have enough to deal with right now. Let him worry about his behavior and you take care of yourself and the baby.
Let us know how the baby is doing, OK?
Hugs,
Jo
How did you happen to find out what he was up to? I'm confused as to your relationship with your ex. Do you continue to have contact with him? Does he know about the birth of your son?
If he is out of your life, why do you continue to let his behaviour eat at you so much? You have a brand new baby to take .care of and in order to do that well, you need to really take care of yourself and your emotions.
It is so hard to let go of the hurts inflicted by those that we love. No matter how strong we think we are, we can collect those hurts until the emotional pain can make us sick - both emotionally and physically. I speak from experience - I had a heart attack that was stress related. It is certainly not your fault that he wants to live like that. Can you let it go - just for today? You have enough to deal with right now. Let him worry about his behavior and you take care of yourself and the baby.
Let us know how the baby is doing, OK?
Hugs,
Jo
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: MO
Posts: 32
******{prettywoman}}}
Thank you...you gave me my afternoon laugh. How pathetic and sick these creatures are. You are right on about this being disturbed behavior. Just think how lucky you are to not have to deal with him now.
My ex-husband did that crap online and that was the final straw for me. He then started dating his now wife and continues his second life online. After they were already engaged he went for a "business" meeting to meet one of the psychos. Of course.....she got pregnant. Now he has yet another child to pay support for and all because he needed his ego boosted. How terribly sick that his little ego has screwed up more lives....most importantly...a child!
My current husband also has the need to "chat." I finally realized it's because he is so sick. He must know what a horrible person he is and can only give to a relationship in words typed through a computer. I thank GOD I know I am good and loving person. My self esteem may be low right now but NEVER low enough to stoop to some stranger online to get me off. We have had more fights than I can count over the years and yet he just won't stop. I used to take it personal......I don't anymore. He is the sick one.....not me!
Just remember that...they are the sick ones!!!! And I know there are as many women as men out there who do that crap. They probably deserve each other. All, I know is that when my esteem is feeling real low and I need a pick-me-up I spend time with my son, or work on a project, or just sit and write. I end up feeling better and I don't destroy other peoples lives at the cost of my happiness.
Ok, I am rambling now. Anyway, YES you are correct....it is very disturbing behavior.....but, it's his to own. No matter what you or I feel about it they will not see it that way. So, don't worry about it. Just let it go and move on....I know...sometimes easier said than done. YOU are a very blessed woman now. YOU have the greatest gift in the whole wide world........your little boy. Love him and cherish him and enjoy every second of it. He may be tiny now but before you know it he will be looking down on you. I'm glad you are both doing well. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
HUGS
sunshine
Hey...just a thought...you did just give birth...your hormones are all over the place. Maybe thats why its bothering you right now. Hormones can make us a little "off" sometimes. Take care!
Thank you...you gave me my afternoon laugh. How pathetic and sick these creatures are. You are right on about this being disturbed behavior. Just think how lucky you are to not have to deal with him now.
My ex-husband did that crap online and that was the final straw for me. He then started dating his now wife and continues his second life online. After they were already engaged he went for a "business" meeting to meet one of the psychos. Of course.....she got pregnant. Now he has yet another child to pay support for and all because he needed his ego boosted. How terribly sick that his little ego has screwed up more lives....most importantly...a child!
My current husband also has the need to "chat." I finally realized it's because he is so sick. He must know what a horrible person he is and can only give to a relationship in words typed through a computer. I thank GOD I know I am good and loving person. My self esteem may be low right now but NEVER low enough to stoop to some stranger online to get me off. We have had more fights than I can count over the years and yet he just won't stop. I used to take it personal......I don't anymore. He is the sick one.....not me!
Just remember that...they are the sick ones!!!! And I know there are as many women as men out there who do that crap. They probably deserve each other. All, I know is that when my esteem is feeling real low and I need a pick-me-up I spend time with my son, or work on a project, or just sit and write. I end up feeling better and I don't destroy other peoples lives at the cost of my happiness.
Ok, I am rambling now. Anyway, YES you are correct....it is very disturbing behavior.....but, it's his to own. No matter what you or I feel about it they will not see it that way. So, don't worry about it. Just let it go and move on....I know...sometimes easier said than done. YOU are a very blessed woman now. YOU have the greatest gift in the whole wide world........your little boy. Love him and cherish him and enjoy every second of it. He may be tiny now but before you know it he will be looking down on you. I'm glad you are both doing well. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
HUGS
sunshine
Hey...just a thought...you did just give birth...your hormones are all over the place. Maybe thats why its bothering you right now. Hormones can make us a little "off" sometimes. Take care!
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Iowa USA
Posts: 102
online dating
I think these relationships are mostly fantasy, a way to feel valuable and important in the safety of your own home. The two of them are "getting what they need" possibly in the only way they can. It matters not.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
I agree with everyone. Cowgirl said it right - Fantasy!
There are people out there who are lonely and vulnerable. I'm not saying that sending you naked picture to others over the computer is a good idea. But people to strange things sometimes.
He is an adult. Let him live his life. Isn't he already your X? Why are you so informed regarding his love life?
Hormonse post delivery can be difficult to deal with. Especially if you are exhausted with traveling back and for the a NICU to visit your son.
Try and find a way to ignore your X's behavior and live your life to the fullest.
NoDoubt
There are people out there who are lonely and vulnerable. I'm not saying that sending you naked picture to others over the computer is a good idea. But people to strange things sometimes.
He is an adult. Let him live his life. Isn't he already your X? Why are you so informed regarding his love life?
Hormonse post delivery can be difficult to deal with. Especially if you are exhausted with traveling back and for the a NICU to visit your son.
Try and find a way to ignore your X's behavior and live your life to the fullest.
NoDoubt
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