VinnieNL

OK here the story of the last few weeks. I had 18 days sober and then I let it slip. and fell back into my usual behavior immediately

So I quit again I was sober for 4 days and messed up again and then again.
I told myself Monday morning (yesterday): you are only going to drink 1 time this week on friday. I never made it past 21.30 yesterday

The strangest thing I have noticed is that my cravings get more in frequancy and in intensity since I have first quit drinking The more I quit and fail the more I want to drink.

I have had my cravings before but never so intense as yesterday. It was all I could think about and there was no way I was not going to drink.

Since I frirst admitted to my self that I had a problem my problem got a whole lot worse. Isnt it supposed to get better? It is like my body is panicking and it NEEDS alcohol.

My 2 drinking buddeis arre also getting aware of their problem and 1 has quit 7 days sober and 1 is in doubt about quitting (he will).

We are back to day 1

Conez

hey Vinnie, feeling confused is part and parcel of drinking and/or stopping... this isn't a battle to fight and lose... its a journey of growth, gaining strength to overcome drinking problems comes with persistance and support.

Alcohol withdrawals can be very serious... cravings are no fun either.
talk to your doctor, get help and support.
Recovery programs such as AA and counselling are helpful with abstinence.
SR is also great for support and info.

Remember, one day at a time...(as corny as it sounds)
do what you can today to not drink, even if its just making it to the dr's... its one step closer to putting the bottle down.
Best wishes Vinnie

CarolD

Fact...Unchecked alcoholism is a progressive disease.
It's chronic.....incurable and fatal. No exceptions.

How do you survive? With abstinence.

Please see a doctor....find a recovery program
and you too can live a healthy productive life.

Millions of us are enjoying AA recovery.

supernothing

Personally for me vinnie, i tried for years to just drink one day, or weekends, or once a month, it NEVER ever worked, and not only that, i actually ended up feeling FAR worse doing it that way then just sitting there and drinking every single day (which id done for the three years previous)
Physically, i felt better with periods of abstinence , but mentally it was a very slippery slope, as every *drinking day* became my focus, rather than focusing on getting well and staying sober
The hangovers and *mornings after* were full of massive amounts of greif and feelings of failure for me, until i finally ended up terrified of drinking at all.
Im by no means recovered yet, but i now have 25 days- which must be the longest time for me in the best part of 4 years, ive only managed to get where i am now with a programme and this website.
I guess what im getting at is, for me at least, as long as i had the mentality that i was, eventually going to pick up wether it be at the weekend , or at a social do, then i would without fail, always end up drunk again, i had to have that shift inside to want to stop for good, are you at that point yet?

least

Are you able to go to AA meetings? Or some other recovery program? There's strength in numbers and if you go to AA meetings you can get phone numbers of the people there to call when you have the urge to drink. Support in not drinking can be crucial to success.

You may also want to talk to your doctor about detoxing safely as withdrawing from alcohol can be dangerous.

What I did that's been very helpful when I get cravings is to reread the list I carry with me with reasons why I hate drinking. Reminding myself of the bad things about drinking keeps me from doing it.

I wish you success in your desire to stop drinking. :ghug2

Tazman53

vinnie the problem you are having is as plain as the nose on your face! You are not ready to quit drinking!!!

This is alcoholism, there are only 2 choices, drink and die or don't drink and live! Yes it is a matter of life and death, alcohol may have one in a state of denial, but death or sobriety are the only conclusions for an alcoholic.

When I finally quit I was at the point where I had seen my death if I kept on drinking.

I made a decision to STOP drinking, not a decision to stop drinking until next week or next month, hell if I am going to drink next week or next month I may as well drink now!!!

When I made that decision I had to go into medical detox, I had no choice if I wanted to stop!

I take my decision to stop drinking one day at a time, one day at a time is easier I can understand today.

Vinnie if you are ready to stop drinking then you need to be willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober.

Are you willing to do anything? Or are you going to say "Well I will do this, but I will not do that, I would rather drink again then do that!"

If you REALLY want to stop then you will do what ever it takes to stop and stay stopped.

If the "Simply not drinking" program is not working then you need to be willing to try something else, AA, SMART recovery...... what ever.

One thing you need to be very aware of is ALL Programs FAIL if you do not work the program!

All of them work if you work them!!!!

Are you willing to do the work?

hope45

Hi Vinnie - I think Taz hit the nail on the head - you're not ready to quit drinking. I think almost everyone who eventually quits, goes through the stage of trying to moderate their drinking. I did the same thing. I would even make charts and lists of how much I would allow myself to drink. On Monday morning I'd decide I would be allowed 14 drinks for the week. I'd make a card up and check off the number of drinks I'd had. So ... Monday night I'd have 2. Tuesday night I'd have 7 ... Wednesday the card would go in the trash. It's a process you have to go through (well, maybe not my weird card process) before you figure out that it JUST DOESN'T WORK. But that's a conclusion you're going to have to reach on your own. You'll get there - I'm sure of it!

WendyS

Hi Vinnie - As far as the cravings go and how they always seem to get worse after starting and stopping...I like to think of my cravings as a little stray kitten. If I give in and feed her she always comes back and gets louder and louder! The thing about cravings is that they will always pass if you don't sit in them and obsess about them. Try to get busy doing something physical. I know if I am left alone with my cravings, I am in in very dangerous company. You can do it!!