wish he'd quit

Ds is 5 and very observant and absorbant. I know that AH's drinking has started to affect him. He has told my mom that his dad drinks to much beer. Then yesterday ds calls me over to a trash can outside and says to me, "Mom can we break all these bottles and smash all the cans so dad can't drink anymore." I told him that isn't something we can do for his dad. Only his dad can choose not to drink.

My question is how do you go about explaining alcoholism to a 5 year old when he asks questions? I would never say anything bad about his dad to him. While I want to shield and protect him I know that is not possible since he sees what is going on. Does anyone have any advice on talking to kids about this?

On top of all this, I think I am going to ask for a divorce. Even if he were not an alcoholic there are just to many issues that make this relationship unhealthy. I havent said anything to AH or DS yet, but I'm sure it is comming. AH has already put thoughts in ds's head about divorce and what happens when your parents get divorced. Of course it was more than a 5 year old needs to know. At this point I'm just thankful that my dd is not old enough to understand things.

abcdefg

There are excellent materials produced by Al-anon for children to help you with exactly this issue.

You can visit their website and navigate to the publications and look at the Alateen literature. It's amazing stuff. If you need help picking out any particular titles, someone at your local Al-anon meeting can help you or you can call the World Service Office for some guidance.

Best wishes to you.

Pajarito

I tried for years to shield our dd from my AH's problem. It only grew bigger. Your child knows something is not right- as my dd did. I've talked to her a little about the fact that AH is an alcoholic. She doesn't really understand what that means. She thinks he used to drink, but doesn't now, so everything is ok. AH does not live with us as of 8 mos. ago, and we are now getting a divorce. DD doesn't really know what's behind it. I am sure we will have conversations as things come up. Best advice I can give is to talk to them at their level. You want to be their rock and a role model. As hard as it is for me, I am not going to bad mouth my AH to our dd- or to anyone. He's sick. He did some grim things, said some grim things, so whether he is drinking or not his behavior is unacceptable. I don't need to give her all the gorey details. If he continues to act the way he has she will figure things out- but I want her to feel she can come to me with questions, sadness, anger. I am sure in time I will take her to al-ateen if it seems necessary- and maybe therapy if she seems to need it. I go to a counselor myself and have found her to be a great resource for what to do about questions, how to break divorce to a child, etc. basically I have been told many times that if I'm ok my dd will be ok. I believe that is true. So- take care of you. (((Good luck)))