thatoneguy

After a rather hectic weekend, I have a question. I've read various sites and newsletters and forums in regard to the relationship between alcoholism and anxiety disorders. Most either were far too technical for me to get anything out of them (medical journals and the like) or simply listed basic, common sense statements, so I thought I'd extend the question to you all.

Despite my agf coming out with myself and a family friend to go walking all of last week and sometimes accompanying me to get food, this weekend she's had a major bout with anxiety spring up. After pay day, we had planned to get groceries, and after the time we decided to go got pushed back a couple times, all of the sudden she told me she couldn't go b/c of the anxiety. Because of the walking and such, however, and a complete lack of verbal clues, it really caught me by surprise. She got a little defensive, saying she always feels like that...she just doesn't always vocalize it.

Granted, she is cycling. I would also later find out that her mother (who is a nurse and chronic hand-wringer) had taken her off her birth control entirely because of concern about blood clots. Agf had been hospitalized several months back with an elevated heart rate and doctors couldn't find any explanation. She has an IUD, but she took the birth control primarily as a mood stabilizer, so I suppose that somewhat explains her picking more fights lately and being unable to refrain herself from attempting to escalate them like she has in months past.

What I'm wondering about, specifically, is can the untapered removal of a mood stabilizer (in this case the birth control) result in a relapse? When agf was taking the full regimen of her pills regularly, she seemingly wasn't drinking or even asking about alcohol and was steadily working on handling herself during disagreements. A month or so after she quit taking the birth control, however, is when she started planning/talking about/drinking again...but there was no expression of anxiety, verbal or behavioral. A couple weeks after the alcohol incidents is when the anxiety started presenting itself.

I'm confused, because it would have made more sense to me that she started exhibiting signs of the anxiety first, and then if it had gone unchecked or gotten beyond her control, then the drinking would have come back (i.e. self-medicating with alcohol as she's more or less said that's how her alcoholism started). And I'm not quite so certain what the relationship between the pill, drinking, and anxiety is. She even said at one point this weekend that she knows she needs help with the alcoholism, but she hasn't been able to seek it because of the anxiety, but admittably she didn't really do anything when the anxiety was less pronounced either. But again...she'd insist that anxiety is always an issue; she just tries to suppress it sometimes for my sake (i.e. so I'm not running all errands by myself and the like).

As a confidant pointed out to me, though, there always seems to be a "reason" why things go south...whether it be this, the sick uncle, dropping the welbutrin (sp?), etc.

peaceteach

Guy, there is always going to be an "excuse" as to why she can't stop-- until she is willing to for HERSELF. Try to keep it simple in YOUR mind, and not overanalyze it. There is no rational explanation for a lot of this behavior other than addiction. Keep the focus on yourself, detach, and let her face her demon without any help, without any excuses. You need to face your own. Why do YOU feel the need to put all of your focus and energy on someone else instead of yourself? It really isn't selfish, you know, to keep YOURSELF healthy and sane.

howatch

My mom once went on a real bender for 9 months because someone insulted her at a party. She said the guy's comment upset her for the best part of a year so badly that she became ill and had to take extra drugs as a result. She also got upset recently when she was made to wait at a beauty salon, and again had to increase her drug dosage.

I have come to understand now why they are always upset and bothered about something. It provides the excuse they need.

Barbara52

Is she under a doctor's care for anxiety disorder? Was the BC pills prescribed for anxiety disorder? I haven't heard of that one before.

dvinerite

b/c is tricky, the hormones can either level out anxiety or make it worse, its all how your body reacts to it.... for me, anxiety was worse when on it (as well as when im pregnant). the only thing that was able to control my anxiety was cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy), maybe if she can get help for the anxiety she might be more willing to let go of her crutch? i dont know....

ToughChoices

There are probably very few active alcoholics out there who don't suffer from some form of mental disorder (anxiety, depression, mood spectrum, etc...).

I can't say which comes first - does the mental anguish cause the drinking?
Yes.
Does the drinking cause mental anguish?
Yes.
Does birth control play a role in any of this?
Perhaps - you could do all sorts of research into hormone therapy and its relationship to impulse control and anxiety disorder, but I don't think it's in your best interest to investigate the link.

I am incredibly guilty of attempting to control my AH by researching therapies and seeking answers to his medical issues. I spent hours and hours looking for explanations for his behaviors and attempting to discover a novel means of eliminating those behaviors. Those hours were wasted. They didn't help the addict, and they certainly didn't help me.

Is your AGF interested enough in her own problems to do the research for herself? Is she on the computer trying to figure out why she feels so anxious and wants to drink?

Let go. It's easy to say, and VERY hard to do.

Peace to you today.
-TC

Freedom1990

The first thing that popped into my head when reading through all of that is what are you doing for yourself other than thinking yourself in circles over what she is doing.

I clearly remember thinking if I had answers to why my oldest did the things that she did and said the things that she said, that somehow I would feel better.

Guess what? Even the few answers I did get didn't make me feel better, and certainly didn't change what she was doing, and I wasted a lot of time I could have been taking care of myself on obsessing over her.

Trying to make sense of a disease characterized by insanity is...well...insane!