feelin bad for what i cant change

Old 06-29-2003, 05:44 PM
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feelin bad for what i cant change

Feeling a sort of de ja vous (sorry about my french)
july 4 th last year my daughter was in an in house
for 90 days, she drank her first night out, and its been the
up and down ever since.
This weekend was another down and her husband is letting her
live there until she can get a bed somewhere and try again.
she took cd's to the pawn shop and bought booze with the money. Its so sad, its not the life i invisioned for her,I have only wanted her to have a happy life and she has this huge monster
to contend with, the bottle.
Her husband wont go to alanon so he tries controling her by not letting her have money or her car. We all know they get it anyway. He is a good guy and tries but i'm afraid he's at the end of what he can handle.
So...just feeling bad for her and always praying for that miracle
love you's
liddy
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Old 06-29-2003, 07:27 PM
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Liddy:

Sorry I don't have any miracle cures up my sleeve. If I did, I be sure to attach one in an email to you, as well as everyone else.

Marking things by dates on the calendar is something I do too often for bad things and not good things.

I remember the dates when loved ones died, but forget to remember the anniversary dates when good things happened.

I'm sorry that it's your daughter who's alcohol dependent. Those of us with spouses and boyfriends who drink can always end the relationship. How can a person end a relationship with their own flesh and blood?

Although it seems like deja vu, remember it's not. Every morning, your daughter, like the rest of us has an opportunity to do things differently. And likewise for her husband, and you too.

As Billy Joel sings "the good old days weren't always so good, and tomorrow's not as bad as it seems".

Hoping that you find some fun and enjoyment,
EyesOpen
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Old 06-29-2003, 08:00 PM
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Thank you EyesOpen
I just had to check and see if anyone answered before I went to bed, that alone has helped me feel better.
Hey, she's sober today and I'm jumping the gun to the 4 th of July
when I don't know tomorrow !
Your so right about remembering the bad events, its my negativity and not making a meeting in 4 days has an effect on me, I'm a 2 or three times a week kind of person or I'm back to square one (step 1) !
My daughter keeps trying and I'm so grateful, she was almost a fifth a day drinker, only 5 ft tall, and would drink to oblivion,I've been around alcohol all my life and never knew about that kind of drinking.
Most days I do fine and through all this I am happier in my life as a changed woman thanks to you my friends, my alanon f/f friends and my HP who has strengthened and taught me so much.
It's all about that unconditional love.
Hugs to you Eyes
liddy
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Old 06-29-2003, 09:29 PM
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closely guarded secret

you post made me think back to when i was using years and years ago... I remember at the end when I had hit my rock bottom thinking to myself how I wanted to see myself in the years to come (all of this flying on way to much LSD) and I knew that I didnt want to be sitting where I was just wondering what I would be doing with the rest of my life as it was passing me by...

I dont know if you have seen the posts/replies I have made about my signs... I made up signs with affirmations on them and I posted them all over my house... They said things like "I am my best friend" "I am the only me that I will ever truly have" and "I love me just because I am me today" There were many others too but those were my favorites... I think that my friends thought I was losing my mind but that was what I needed. I didnt do AA or NA or any of that but I did spend alot of time with just me. Now I wonder if your daughter has ever thought about where she wants to be in a few years... addiction/dysfunction is progressive if you cant break the cycle... Might be worth asking her where she is going or where she wants to be... Seems to be easier to have a plan if you know what you want...
Hugs,
Kathie
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Old 06-30-2003, 09:00 AM
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Thanks kathie

good question to ask her and I will.
She has such a talent for working with severely
******** children and young adults,lost that job
do to missing work and i think smelling from alcohol,
this was all before she got as addicted as she is today.

You too are a miracle in my book. To me its those who
make it and keep it, will power alone doesnt seem to do it for
some. God Bless you
Hugs
liddy-sue
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Old 06-30-2003, 09:56 AM
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liddy sue:

How it hurts to have the additions in our childern....No we don't have to throw the baby out with the bath water. But I do picture my H.P. holding them in His hands...

I not only have to turn my will and life over to His care I have to turn my kids over too...I believe it's call surrender....My H.P. has the whole road map where as I only have it just for today....I have to trust in something so much greater than me and my love for them...or it would all seem so hopeless. I also know that my H.P. loves them far more than I do...

Do take care...You can make a conious(?) effort to start marking the good days anytime you wish...I have learned to count only the good things and the good days... When I do a gratitude list I'am always amazed to find out how many there really are...

Love another Mom...
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Old 06-30-2003, 10:12 AM
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Wow...Liddy...like EyesOpen, my A is my spouse and the relationship is not what I would call "easier" to deal with, just different.

The bond with a child is different, and must be extremely heart-breaking to you.

I'm working right now on experience joy in my life. Joy, unlike happiness, is not circumstantial.

I've heard that a cup of joy is the result of a cup of sorrow. If this is true, we should all be experiencing pots full of joy!!! Easier said than done, at times, but I do believe that without pain, we cannot experience joy.

Take care, Liddy. You are always an inspiration to me.

S
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Old 06-30-2003, 11:21 AM
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((Daffodil))) (((Sarah)))

Thank you so much. Today I am doing so much better.
I do have joy most of the time, its when that lousy
thinkin(some call stinkin) gets carried away that I have
the hard moments.
If you could of seen me a year ago- when I found out
she was an alcoholic and about the same time with my
oldest son who was stressed out in also trying to save her
began steady heavy drinking which became diagnosed as
dual, bi polar and alcoholism. Today he is doing so much better
I am grateful for so many things and all the horrible things
I thought would happen didnt. although it was a totaly
insane time. My poor husband ended up on prozac and I in
alanon.
well, hey thanks everyone for letting me just talk- I'm going to
continue to be fine as long as I keep trusting the Power so much
higher then myself.
Love
liddy
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Old 06-30-2003, 05:26 PM
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Thanks for the hugs...

Just glad I was here to listen...It's so wonderful to know that those of us who come to these boards not only have been there but understand that sometimes we just need to be heard....

Glad your having a better day today...

Love and prayers
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