Temporary Moment of Insanity

Old 04-19-2008, 04:26 PM
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Temporary Moment of Insanity

I have been working through steps one and two on paper lately and although I have been feeling good about the progress I have made in the last year, today I temporarily slipped back into the insanity.

Step Two
Came to believe that a Power greater than our selves can restore us to sanity.


Part of the reading associated with this step covered the 3C's - Didn't cause it, Can't Cure it, Can't control it. Well at that moment I took out a fresh sheet of paper and I began to write how I do have power and I CAN control it.

Last May I gave my husband an ultimatum - quit drinking or get out. I gave him 18days. The codependent/alcoholic 'dance' went on until July when he did stop drinking in exchange for Lorazapam. This Feb he finally gave up both and began to work a program - I think -.

My insane writing went on about the ultimatum controlling the drinking, he did finally quit. I do have power over it because I forced him to quit, he's healthier, he's a better Dad, he is working hard at saving our marriage...etc. The book is wrong!!!

Then I came to my senses and realized...I have NO control...he quit for me not for him....he can't stand the thought of anyone thinking that he is less than the perfect man...all of what he is doing is not for him, it's because he doesn't want to lose face...he is obessed with saving the marriage not recovery. He spends every waking moment of everyday trying to show me how he has changed or to figure out what else he can do to save the marriage, to get me to love him again, to keep the family together, regardless of the countless discussions about my feelings for him being long gone.


So, I took out the eraser and erased every last insane word that I put down on paper. The got down to the business of working on Step Two. I could have torn the sheet up but it was importand that I erase each and every insane word on that sheet.

Chrysalis
aka CoDeependentMe
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Old 04-19-2008, 05:38 PM
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get it, give it, grow in it
 
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To understand that we are powerless in many areas, not just over "them and their drinking"
can be quite freeing and a major paradigm shift in the way we approach and live our life.

When I 1st went to al-anon upon learning my only son was an addict, it made no sense to me to work the steps, as I was not an addict. I was quite "powerful" or so I thought.
Thankfully, I stuck around long enough to work the steps and began doing the work necessary to transform my own life.

It really is like "erasing" the way we were programmed to think, and being free to see another way. YOU GET It. Yea, for YOU !!!
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Old 04-19-2008, 11:38 PM
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What a GREAT "Aha Moment!"

Some folks call them a "God Shot."

That is growth!!!!! Stay in it. One of the things that helped me tremendously with Step 2, first while working that Step in AA and then reworking that Step in Alanon. In order to understand the word Sanity, I had to understand the word INSANITY:

The repetition of the same act or actions...............................expecting different results. Boy did I do that a lot.

So, I took out the eraser and erased every last insane word that I put down on paper.
Now that is growth!! Please keep posting, your experiences can be so helpful to others. I know, I still keep coming to this site and others to read ES&H like yours.

Thank you for sharing your "aha moment."

Love and hugs,
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Old 04-20-2008, 06:18 AM
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...so it's sunny day, weather is great, my husband is out for the day with the one of the kids and dog, the other two girls are at sleep overs. I am alone in my house for the next 9 hours!!! Yea!!! Now what shall I do, work in the garden for a bit...tidy up a bit...start a new project...I know! Sit down in the yard with my Paths to Recovery (CAL) and a note book and work my Step 2. It was almost as though I was being told that this rare amount of free time was given to me for a reason.

So, I read the chapter and I pull out my pad and pencil to explore the 20 or so questions at the end of Step 2 and just as I am about to read the first question I begin to write the nonsense about having Power of the alcoholic and having Control of the situation. Strange, it was like a 'devil made me do it' kind of moment.:crazy

Once I erased those words I was able to get down to work.

Good thing it was only temporary!!

Last edited by Chrysalis; 04-20-2008 at 06:21 AM. Reason: type O
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