Confused757

For those of you who have or had a spouse in recovery, how long did it take for your family to be back together? I haven't seen my husband since Dec 3, 2007. He was stationed in another state, spent 21 days in rehab & is now in FL at a halfway house. He doesn't know how long he'll be there & I'm stuck on the fence here about whether I want to just move on without him or wait while not knowing how long he'll be gone. (He hurt me a lot mentally during our 5 yr marriage & he recently admitted to cheating on me several times with several women which he says is part of his addiction.)

I was just curious if anyone's been married to an alcoholic & the relationship worked out after treatment.

Becky

geees poncho

Tough question, every couple is different, you should seek some
counseling about this.
5 yrs is not a long time, and there has been a lot f damage done,
and the dynamics are not to good so far.

hang in there and keep coming back.

ToughChoices

My husband is recently out of inpatient treatment and is currently working a program of recovery. I love him very much. We are living apart.

Putting your life back together after the pain of addiction is difficult. I'm having a hard time with forgiveness and moving forward, and my situation doesn't involve any issues of abandonment or sexual indiscretion (just lying, blaming, and unreliability).

My AH is now sober, active in AA, and taking responsibility for his problems. I guess this is the best case scenario - and I'm still not sure that I want to spend my life with him.

Something to think about.
Peace to you today.
-TC

FormerDoormat

Cheating is a separate issue from alcoholism. My boyfriend was an alcoholic, but he didn't cheat on me.

And, no, the relationship didn't work out after treatment. He may have achieved sobriety for a time, but the demons inside him lingered on, and so did the bad behaviors.

There came a time when I realized that I was settling for far less than I deserved. That's when I decided it was best for me to end the relationship. Do you attend alanon or go to counseling? You could benefit greatly from both.

Confused757

I didn't know about the cheating until a few days ago when I asked him over the phone & he admitted to a lot! Before that, I only knew about him kissing a female while we were in different states back in 2005. There were a few things that didn't seem to make since during our marriage, but I never thought that he would ever being having sex with strangers & messing around with more. He says that his addictions were alcohol & the other women.

I really do believe that I'm done with the marriage & want to move on without him. I just can't seem to tell him now. There are physical factoers like my things still being in a storage unit in another state. Then, there's the legal... I can't legally file for seperation until June (6 mos residency). I don't want to jeopordize his recovery either & I do want him better for our girls. If he really cared about me, then me telling him that I don't want him back could set him off again. I just don't see him the same as I did before. He's disgusting to me now.

Lately, he's been nice, seems to be honest (somewhat) & tells me he loves me. He also puts himself down saying that he hates the way he is. He said he doesn't see why he's even here & that his girls "don't want this dad."

I have been waiting for an Al-Anon meeting to fall on one of my nights off. When one does, then I will go. My husband keeps asking if I've been to one yet & he doesn't seem to understand the schedule thing. Last night, he said he didn't want any excuses from me & if I wanted to help myself, then I would go. He said that's how I can help in his recovery...By helping myself.

Becky