I can't stand it anymore!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 21
I can't stand it anymore!!
I can't stand it anymore you guys!!! He has just spent his 3rd night in the garage! How long is this ridiculous silent treatment going to go on? It's childish, manipulative and mean. I just want to walk in there right now and scream!! I wont I promise, but I am so angry!!
I have put up with his moods and crud from the pain/vicoden addiction for so long and now he is going to make this outrageous stand because I looked in his things!!!! GIve me a break. GET OVER IT! You would not have made this big a deal had I found a pair of earrings in the box and borrowed them. You would have not even cared, in my opinion.
I didn't go crazy when I found the drugs screaming at him, making all sorts of accusations- I was calm, direct and supportive. It was spoken about for only about 5 minutes until you freaked about my "breaking the cardinal rule". As one of the posters pointed out -what about the cardinal rule of not bringing illegal and dangerous drugs into a house with children.
I made dinner last night and left a plate out for him, because I knew he'd just been eating frozen dinners. I know he ate it. What was I thinking???
WHat do I do? I am so mad!!!!! If he wants to end the relationship, then move out!! I feel like everyday that he stays in there, I am going to be more and more resentful until the time comes that I wont ever be able to forgive him. He is permanently changing our relationship with all this crud...the drugs, and now his pathetic reaction.
Oh gosh guys, I am not feeling strong and disconnected anymore. :[
I want to cry.
I have put up with his moods and crud from the pain/vicoden addiction for so long and now he is going to make this outrageous stand because I looked in his things!!!! GIve me a break. GET OVER IT! You would not have made this big a deal had I found a pair of earrings in the box and borrowed them. You would have not even cared, in my opinion.
I didn't go crazy when I found the drugs screaming at him, making all sorts of accusations- I was calm, direct and supportive. It was spoken about for only about 5 minutes until you freaked about my "breaking the cardinal rule". As one of the posters pointed out -what about the cardinal rule of not bringing illegal and dangerous drugs into a house with children.
I made dinner last night and left a plate out for him, because I knew he'd just been eating frozen dinners. I know he ate it. What was I thinking???
WHat do I do? I am so mad!!!!! If he wants to end the relationship, then move out!! I feel like everyday that he stays in there, I am going to be more and more resentful until the time comes that I wont ever be able to forgive him. He is permanently changing our relationship with all this crud...the drugs, and now his pathetic reaction.
Oh gosh guys, I am not feeling strong and disconnected anymore. :[
I want to cry.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing awesome. I don't think it's bad that you left him a plate. I hear this term a lot: Detach with love. Because you feed him and are being a human being to him doesn't mean you are accepting what he's done. Let him stay in the garage as long as he wants.
I would let him stay out there the next day, week or month.
I'd get my house in order.
If the kids ask what is up, then I would tell them that it's something between you and him and he's thinking things out. That adults need space sometimes (which is true.)
I would never badmouth him in front of them, but be loving and calm and cool.
One question, does he have family nearby? Does anyone else know about this addiction? Is there someone nearby you can talk to about this? Have you thought more about counseling with a therapist? An Al-anon meeting? Now might be a great time to go, especially if you feel as though you are caving. Find a babysitter. Live your life. You're telling him that the world does not revolve around him, but that you have boundaries and are making a stand.
You are strong.
You are smart.
You are a good, loving person.
As with children, the longer you go, if you cave, the longer you'll have to go next time. Nip it in the butt now.
:ghug2
I would let him stay out there the next day, week or month.
I'd get my house in order.
If the kids ask what is up, then I would tell them that it's something between you and him and he's thinking things out. That adults need space sometimes (which is true.)
I would never badmouth him in front of them, but be loving and calm and cool.
One question, does he have family nearby? Does anyone else know about this addiction? Is there someone nearby you can talk to about this? Have you thought more about counseling with a therapist? An Al-anon meeting? Now might be a great time to go, especially if you feel as though you are caving. Find a babysitter. Live your life. You're telling him that the world does not revolve around him, but that you have boundaries and are making a stand.
You are strong.
You are smart.
You are a good, loving person.
As with children, the longer you go, if you cave, the longer you'll have to go next time. Nip it in the butt now.
:ghug2
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
He's acting like an addict. That's what they do.
So focus needs to be on you. What can you do today to make your life better? What decision can you make to take your life in the direction in which you want it to go? What kind of boundary might you need to set in order to get to where you want to be, away from feeling all this resentment and anger?
I know these aren't easy questions, but remember nothing changes if nothing changes. And it looks as if the change is going to have to start with you.
Do you go to meetings? (Sorry, haven't been a regular poster or reader around here lately, so if I'm asking and most already know, excuse me.) If you don't go to meetings, why not find some soon.......VERY SOON. Great face to face support in meetings and it would double the support you're getting now.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
So focus needs to be on you. What can you do today to make your life better? What decision can you make to take your life in the direction in which you want it to go? What kind of boundary might you need to set in order to get to where you want to be, away from feeling all this resentment and anger?
I know these aren't easy questions, but remember nothing changes if nothing changes. And it looks as if the change is going to have to start with you.
Do you go to meetings? (Sorry, haven't been a regular poster or reader around here lately, so if I'm asking and most already know, excuse me.) If you don't go to meetings, why not find some soon.......VERY SOON. Great face to face support in meetings and it would double the support you're getting now.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Okay, flat out this is my opinion.
You found his dope via "snooping" <~~ his words
He is mad at you for finding him out
You feel he is holding up in the garage because he is showing you how upset with you he is.
Honestly, if the truth be known he is using the fact that "you broke a cardinal rule" as an excuse to hang out in the garage and use his dope in peace.
He has to stay mad at you .. that keeps you away. No confrontations, no worries .. he's got you right where he wants you "at his mercy"
He has you feeling like you did something wrong by finding his stash ...
No personal accountablity on his part ..
I hope you will stay focused ... because you've done nothing wrong here.
Turning the tables is one of the many tactics addicts use to manipulate us, mold, fashion and shape us into the image of what best supports their addiction.
I think he is out there using up Joe's dope .. when it is all gone he will surface
yet again, thats just my humble opionion. LOL
****{Passion}}}
You found his dope via "snooping" <~~ his words
He is mad at you for finding him out
You feel he is holding up in the garage because he is showing you how upset with you he is.
Honestly, if the truth be known he is using the fact that "you broke a cardinal rule" as an excuse to hang out in the garage and use his dope in peace.
He has to stay mad at you .. that keeps you away. No confrontations, no worries .. he's got you right where he wants you "at his mercy"
He has you feeling like you did something wrong by finding his stash ...
No personal accountablity on his part ..
I hope you will stay focused ... because you've done nothing wrong here.
Turning the tables is one of the many tactics addicts use to manipulate us, mold, fashion and shape us into the image of what best supports their addiction.
I think he is out there using up Joe's dope .. when it is all gone he will surface
yet again, thats just my humble opionion. LOL
****{Passion}}}
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
If nothing changes nothing changes... and that means you, not him because he is totally happy right now. He has his drugs and he's using them in peace, and you are providing meals... He doesn't want things to change.
Your in a really awful place and I sympathize with you but the choice is yours - live with his addiction exactly the way it is right now, knowing it's just going to get worse... or don't...
Venting probably makes you feel better though :-) for now anyway... it's hard to come to that place where things are bad enough that we decide to do something about it. I know because I was there once.
Your in a really awful place and I sympathize with you but the choice is yours - live with his addiction exactly the way it is right now, knowing it's just going to get worse... or don't...
Venting probably makes you feel better though :-) for now anyway... it's hard to come to that place where things are bad enough that we decide to do something about it. I know because I was there once.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
You are currently taking "Life with an Addict 101"
nyte keeps calling it exactly as it is....
he is happily finishing up Joe's dope....you'll get him back in time to nurse him and pamper him and help him recover from the crash when Joe's drugs are finished....
if I were you I'd tell the kids "dad" is taking a time out and leave it be
then I'd enjoy the peace of my own home minus the addict
but think long and hard about how you want to live your life because unfortunately he won't stay in that garage forever....
nyte keeps calling it exactly as it is....
he is happily finishing up Joe's dope....you'll get him back in time to nurse him and pamper him and help him recover from the crash when Joe's drugs are finished....
if I were you I'd tell the kids "dad" is taking a time out and leave it be
then I'd enjoy the peace of my own home minus the addict
but think long and hard about how you want to live your life because unfortunately he won't stay in that garage forever....
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
I have to agree with everyone on this. Sorry.
It hurts to hear it, I know. But deep down you know
that something is just not right about him staying out there.
He's staying out there and it makes you feel guilty for "what you've done"!Just the way he likes it. Go back and read the introduction I wrote to you.
It took me 10 years to finally realize that my ah was not going to change for me. Heck, it's been 18 years since we've been divorced and he's still screwing his life up. Locked up for dui and spent 9 months in jail. Now he's in a halfway house (farm) and has no idea when he's getting out. Hope he's learned something. If he has, he's learned it on his own. He's never remarried. Heck, I don't think he's ever had a steady gf. All he did was drink and smoke weed. The quote, "nothing changes, if nothing changes" fits your situation to a tee. He's not going to change, Ed. You have to.
All said with love and understanding.
Prayers for strength,
It hurts to hear it, I know. But deep down you know
that something is just not right about him staying out there.
He's staying out there and it makes you feel guilty for "what you've done"!Just the way he likes it. Go back and read the introduction I wrote to you.
It took me 10 years to finally realize that my ah was not going to change for me. Heck, it's been 18 years since we've been divorced and he's still screwing his life up. Locked up for dui and spent 9 months in jail. Now he's in a halfway house (farm) and has no idea when he's getting out. Hope he's learned something. If he has, he's learned it on his own. He's never remarried. Heck, I don't think he's ever had a steady gf. All he did was drink and smoke weed. The quote, "nothing changes, if nothing changes" fits your situation to a tee. He's not going to change, Ed. You have to.
All said with love and understanding.
Prayers for strength,
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