ImJulie

Just got of the phone with the hubby. Man, that guy really irks me sometimes.
He's in recovery too....so I guess I expect him to be different than what he's being.
He's rude, short-tempered, self-centered and a jerk.
There. I said it. Not very nice of me, but whatever.
So, on the phone with him...I detected "that voice". The one that tells me Im in for it when he gets home. He's looking to pick a fight and I bet I can even predict what he'll say. Why wouldnt I...its always the same.
The house wont be clean enough.....he works his @ss off all day, the least I can do is keep the house clean (by clean...he means perfect). Then he'll moan and groan about money. Then he'll snap at the kids and we'll all walk around on eggshells because he's like a bomb waiting to explode.
Im TIRED of telling him to call his sposor (which he never does anyhow).
Im TIRED of him trying to run MY program, telling me what I should be doing....yet he's not doing it himself.
I think he only got into recovery to see if I would follow.
I did....8 months later and here I am.
Im trying to work an honest program.
Yet, Im watching him be a dry drunk.
He's a workaholic....yet that will be MY fault because Im not working right now.
Oh geez....I kinda dont want him to come home.
Thats so awful.

Rodney

So sorry you having to deal with this **{HUGS}}
I's not fair!
stand your ground if thats possible but don't get hurt..

Anna

Hi Julie,

Try to focus on yourself and staying sober yourself.

Take care of your children and yourself and things will work out one way or another.

Katecan

Maybe say the serenity prayer just before he comes home.

1963comet

Sorry to hear you are going through this. My sister is going through the same thing. She just hates when he gets home from work. Walking on pins and needles. Nothing is ever good enough for him. And neither one of them even drink.

I hope it gets better for you. Maybe you can get out of the house and do something nice for yourself.

ImJulie

Ick...he called again.
Asked me what I was up to all day.
I said I went to the morning meeting....
"Must be nice to have so much time for meetings"
~~sigh~~
Im not sure what to even say to that. Ummm...yes it is thankyouverymuch?

Now, the dilema that runs over and over in my brain is this: When my recovery starts infringing on other people...is it time to just suck it up and do what they want you to do?
By this, I mean a job. A paying job.
Im not qualified for much, Im kinda limited cuz I dont have a vehicle and I just think that Im not able to work right now. (excuses he would say)
I could walk around the corned and get a job at the coffee shop in 2 seconds flat. Then I could spend the bulk of my day trying not to kill the idiots that work there.
But hey...I'd be contributing the almighty paycheck, right?

Oh I just wanna pound something right now!

least

THat sounds rather familiar, tho when my bf and I were together neither one of us drank, his behavior was a lot like your hubby's tho. Rude selfish demanding cold manipulative... I finally told my bf to move out. It took me a while to get a job and manage on my own but it was worth the effort.

I understand what you're going thru, I really do.:ghug3

Change4life

Julie I feel your pain. I live with a guy who I didnt think was an alcoholic, but for health reasons he had to stop drinking and he is such a F*cker. We never really got along anyway and im trying to move out, but he does the same ****. I work PT and come home maybe 10 minutes before him. as soon as he walks in he starts in with the house isnt neat, this is wrong thats wrong. I cant even ask him a simple question without him belittling me. I use to take, but I refuse to take his ****, and I suggest you stick up for yourself and do the same.

Why should we be whipping posts for some miserably unhappy men. Its there problems not ours!!!!

Im basically stuck here right now so I dont fight back I just get up and go for a walk.. I know that probaly pisses him off when hes all raring to fight, but i refuse to lower myself anymore. So far it has worked, by not confronting him directly and leaving, it reduces the anger level and gives him time to think. When I leave I let him know Im not leaving angry, but I am leaving because I dont want to be abused I let him know he is hurting my feelings. I basically guilt him into feeling bad I guess. Whatever it works.

His negativity use to interfere with my sobriety and if I had kept letting him f with my head I dont think I would have been able to get or stay clean.

Stand up for yourself gf

tennis71

Thanks for your post, I can only send my prayers that your faith and patience will keep leading you in the right direction.

:praying

MagicMan08

Interesting post. I have always been a gentle almost too not caring kind of person. I think my ex-gf who can drink normally was always asking me what I did today and stuff. I think for a while there she was extremely co-dependent.

I guess I cannot even understand where you guys are coming from, but like my old job it got to the point where I was worrying about it outside of work, and I couldn't enjoy my job anymore around people who are secretly out to get me for letting someone eat a can of tuna when it isn't on the menu. So I relocated....I feel so free now, but for you all its not that easy.

I am really at a crossroads right now. My ex wants me to come over tonight and spend the night, but she throws me through such a fricken roller coaster....sometimes I think I know I am better without her and with my recovery, but then I get so emo about her and missing my 2 cats and the place we used to have together.....but I think I have became addicted to the relationship, but now that I am separating a bit, she is reeling me in a bit....

PADRENLB

Well, I Supposed He's Not The First Of Us To Be An Arse Whole. Maybe Invite Him To A Meeting And If He Says He Dosn't Want To Go With You. Suggest He Goes By Himself.
Just Keep Up Your Strength And Make Sure You Get With Your Igher Power About This. Ask Your Sponsor To Pick You Up? Make A Temporary Exit So He Won't Have You To Bark At For A While. We've All Been Restless, Irritable And Discontent.

ImJulie

Thanks guys.
After some careful thought and consideration....Ive decided to stop this pity party in its tracks. Ive decided to quit focussing on him.
I could quite easily become distracted with *him* and what he's doing or not doing.....and frankly, I cant afford to carry around any new resentments. They lead me to bad places.

So....my plan...
Gonna walk the dog...gonna bake a cake with my youngest....gonna have a bath in my weird looking bathroom that Ive primed but not painted (I think I have ADD)......gonna read some of my Big Book.....gonna call a friend from the fellowship....and then Im gonna make a gratitude list and go to bed.
I am not going to get baited into an argument with anyone.
Just because someone throws me the ball, doesnt mean I have to catch it.

Peace everyone...you guys are great!

Change4life

Exactly!!!!!!!!

gypsytears

Good plan Julie. I read your opening post about 30 minutes ago and didn't reply because I really didn't have anything constructive. I have my own problems with my husband though he's not in recovery (doesn't drink anymore but that doesn't mean he's in recovery). Some of your husband's comments and behaviors sound similar to my situation so I can only say I know how you feel .

Ananda

Not to make light, but it really made me grateful that I am single when I read this post. I get alot by reading this because although unlikely, I may need it someday in the future.

Then again...some of the stuff I go through with my non-recovering son is similar...but he seems to have gotten better since I got sober.

:ghug