ImJulie

Ok...thats not really a question...I *know* what I need to do. I need to go to the morning meeting instead of sitting at this computer all day, again!
Can anyone relate to *knowing* what they need/should be doing....yet just not wanting to do it? I feel like I dont have the energy.
I think my nasty disease is trying to isolate me....to get me alone and screw with my mind.
Well **** on that....here I go....gonna get in the shower and get on the bus that will drop me off for some fuel to shut that nasty diseased voice in my head OFF!

ttyl all

((hugs)):praying

least

I am guilty of the same behaviors. I often cannot make myself go to a meeting or even leave the house. I'm a bit of a recluse, always have been. So you're not alone. :ghug

gypsytears

Good decision Julie... it's good to get out and a meeting is probably just what you need right now .

ImJulie

Ok...skipped the shower...takes to much energy for me to do something with the mop on my head. Today Im grateful for those hair clip thingies.
10 minutes until the bus comes...~~big breath~~ here I go.
Geez-Louise...it almost feels like my first meeting all over again!
WTF?

BrixtonBear

Hi Julie,

I feel like this all the time. I'm trying to be good, but oh, it's so difficult...

I'm still going to AA meetings a long, long way from where I live. I'm scared that, if I go to meetings nearby, I might bump into someone I know on the way out, and then they'll ask me "Hello, what are you doing then?" I'm such a big baby. The down side is that it means a long journey to AA meetings, and so if I'm tired after work it's a real struggle...

Well done you for going to a meeting. To tell the truth, I'm still terrified each time I go to a meeting. Infact, I only go if I know for sure that I can get there really, really early and then I squirrel myself away in the corner and quietly observe everything from the back, like a scared little wide-eyed dormouse...

Thanks for your post, Julie - it's encouraged me to make the effort to go to a meeting this evening.

PB

Tazman53

Good job Julie, I have found that the more meetings I go to the more I look forward to them, kind of like the first time going to a bar, nervous because everyone is a stranger, but the more I go back, the more friend I have there.

I still find myself not wantiing to go to a meeting sometimes, but I make myself go and without fail it is just what I needed. The best meetings I have ever been to were ones I did not want to go to.

PB you are not alone in being worried someone is going to see you, funny thing, the only people who will ever see you you at an AA meeting are other AA folks! Keep in mind what anonymous means.

Ask your self this, is it more embarassing being seen drunk or walking out of a church or a community center?

I have been to well over 650 meetings and have never had anyone ask me "Is that an AA meeting?" Unless they were looking for an AA meeting for them selfs.

PB I am not making fun of you, I had the same fears also, as with the majority of my fears thay were nothing but the boogy man, just a fantasy.

Astro

You're not alone Julie. I figure I've been to well over 1,000 meetings in the last few years, and there are STILL days when I have to force myself to go, and to sit quietly until the meeting is over and I've heard the message once again.

ImJulie

Im glad I went.
I usually am once I get there.

Today, the nicest part was:
You know how when its your turn to share? And your palms are sweaty, and your voice is shaking...but you trudge through it the best you can and just share HONESTLY.......and I look around and everybody is smiling and nodding their heads. It makes me feel as if I have a cheering section for my sobriety. It makes it easier to be honest because I know those nodding heads are saying "You are not alone. You are not different. Welcome home"

GlassPrisoner

If my mind tells me I don't want to do it, I make it a priority. Usually it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Makes life a whole lot easier....

You are not alone. You're not different.

sugErspun

I think it's the human condition Julie - at least for me, I can relate. It's not limited to meetings either - many times I will be dead set on going to the gym after work - somewhere during the day I just lose the desire, the willingness, the drive - I end up 'forcing myself' to go. Same thing with meetings.

And the nerves - I have been to thousands of AA meetings and I still get this nervous rush before I go in. If I am asked to share/speak - forget about it - I will be lucky to get a whole paragraph out.

I can talk for days in business meetings and spout my opinions all over the place - but make me talk about my experience in recovery from alcoholism, I get nervous. Eventually, I forget that everyone is staring at me and I just share from the heart and limit my share to direct facts of my experience - it always seems to come out 'ok' - or so I have been told.