Confused757

Hello. My name is Becky & have been married to an alcoholic for 5 yrs. He very recently (end of last year) began hitting what I believe was his bottom before finally getting help in an in-patient recovery center in Fl for 21 days. Faced with losing his military career after losing a lot of rank, he moved me & our 2 daughters (1yr & 4 yrs) home to Va (my parents' house) while he stayed in New Orleans (where stationed) So, we haven't seen him since the beginning of Dec 2007.
He has been out of rehab for a couple of weeks now & on the phone sounds like a changed man, but that's very hard to believe after seeing him "changed" before on his own only to go back to his same old ways. He sent me seperation papers back in Feb for no real reason. It seemd that every time we were seperated because of the military, he didn't want his family anymore. I accepted that & had been looking at divorce anyway, but now that he's out of rehab, he's been asking if I've been to Al-Anon "in case we stay together." He's also said that at the end of his 90 meetings in 90 days he'll call me & if I still want to be with him, he'll move back here to Va to be with us.
My question is, is it normal for recovering alcoholics to voluntarily be away from their families for however long it takes to get completely sober? I know they have to work on themselves, but how to you explain that to a 4 yr old who wants to know where daddy is? And am I supposed to wait months or possibly longer for him or do I just move on? I was so happy & moving on until he told me there was a chance of us getting back together. Now, I'm confused! I want to support him, I never thought I would ever get divorced, but I can't go back to the way things were.
We talk on the phone sometimes & he sounds a lot nicer. But, how do I know for sure that he's on the right path to being better? Any advice or experience with something similar would be greatly appreciated!

Becky

PS...
So far, all of the Al-Anon meetings here fall on nights when I work!

BUTTERFLY-7

:sorry about what you are confronting but if is of any relieve, I'm going to give you my word of advice, been there don't that, if you know what I mean, Listen Dear no one could change, or make any one stop using, or drinking, I always say if it's broken don't fix it, if it's not broken then don't fix it, only your husband, and with Gods, help could stop this vicious cycle, this is a disease, been and addict it's just like having(Example) tuberculosis, you can't tell the tuberculosis to stop coughing, because it's the disease it's self that makes him cough,the only way your husband it's going to get better is only in his hand, and Gods hand, not you, nor I, could do anything but pray, and have Faith, for now my concern is you reading your thread you sound stress this disease also has effect it you, and your children, you can't help no one if you don't help your self, two blind people can't guide each other, cause eventually you'll both will fall, there are self help support groups call AL-anon,these groups are wonderful for people that been effect it by another individuals drinking, and using, or behaviors, as for your Relationship, only you have the answer but you won't find it until you star focusing on you and then you children,because in the matters of the Hearts no one could Rule, not even you sometimes,"Keep the Focus on you"then everything will be reveal.Bless& B-Bless.

Anna

Hi Confused,

I expect that your husband is going through a lot of emotions and a lot of changes during his early recovery.

You need to focus on yourself and your children and you do not necessarily have to make a decision at this moment.

You might also want to check out our forum for Friends and Families of Alcoholics, where you will have lots of support.

MagicMan08

I drove my ex-gf nuts with the fact that I would get better, then have a slip again. And she never went to alano either. Good luck, make sure you two communicate.....tell him how you feel....