Manipulation tactic???

Old 04-11-2008, 07:54 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 64
Manipulation tactic???

I think I already know the answer, but I want some feedback.

Is being overly good just another manipulation tactic? My abf does it all - cooks, cleans, laundry, gets up with the baby (sometimes), and treats me like gold (I guess I am like gold in a way - pay all the bills). I think he does all that so I will overlook the drug use (he told me he was done) or at least feel guilty about questioning him "because he does so much for me".

Thoughts?
biocat is offline  
Old 04-11-2008, 08:44 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
sailorjohn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by biocat View Post
I think I already know the answer, but I want some feedback.

Is being overly good just another manipulation tactic? My abf does it all - cooks, cleans, laundry, gets up with the baby (sometimes), and treats me like gold (I guess I am like gold in a way - pay all the bills). I think he does all that so I will overlook the drug use (he told me he was done) or at least feel guilty about questioning him "because he does so much for me".
Thoughts?

I wouldn't even call it a manipulation tactic, more like just something from the addict playbook.

Toby Rice Drews- "You realize that if you are wary, he'll notice it and point it out, and call you crazy for not being happy that he's being nice to you. "What's the matter with you now?" he yells at you. He loves to act nice and put you on your guard, so that you'll look overreactive when you're wary."

Though Ms. Drews does call it a "manipulation tactic".

Good book, would highly recommend it.
sailorjohn is offline  
Old 04-11-2008, 09:36 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
ZombieWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
Well, how does he do it? Does he point out, "look how much I've done!" or does he do something different?
ZombieWife is offline  
Old 04-12-2008, 12:20 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Sunny Side Up
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Its called Payoff. My ex would do the dishes, cook, etc etc (but only a few nights a week) I would offer to do it and he would say no, no, I'll help you out.
Load and behold, 5 minutes later he would be on the internet and all night.
Yes hes manipulating you!!
justjo is offline  
Old 04-12-2008, 02:15 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It's only manipulation if you let it be. Sharing the workload is something responsible healthy people do, and I'm sure you do lots of this in a day as well as earning the money to pay the bills. Does he thank you?

I can think of worse ways to try to manipulate, so for now just don't buy into the motive and enjoy the action.

Just my thoughts.

Hugs
Ann is offline  
Old 04-12-2008, 03:21 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
hope213's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
he is doing what he should be doing. he should also have a job & be working it. until you get "it all" do not be satisfied.let him know how you feel about all of this. prayers,
hope213 is offline  
Old 04-12-2008, 06:20 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
marle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
I say to enjoy it while it lasts. And if you have any big projects around the house that you have been putting off, now may be the time to ask Hugs, Marle
marle is offline  
Old 04-12-2008, 10:15 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Okanagan BC
Posts: 328
My ex used to do quite a bit around the house, I think he did it to ease his own consience (sp). When he used, he would do extra and be more helpful. then when we would fight he wuld say" it doesn't matter all the good things I do you only remember the bad" just my 2 cents...
kj21 is offline  
Old 04-12-2008, 01:11 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
outtolunch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by justjo View Post
Its called Payoff. My ex would do the dishes, cook, etc etc (but only a few nights a week) I would offer to do it and he would say no, no, I'll help you out.
This " help you out" routine is for the birds. He eats and therefore cooking and cleaning up are facts of life, for all adults.

( Sorry for the rant)
outtolunch is offline  
Old 04-13-2008, 09:07 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
faithhopelovejr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 113
Oh my gosh yes! Manipulation at its best AND opiate abuse in full force (if that's his DOC)! At least that's what I recognize. The energy level from opiate abuse will allow him to be super maid too. I saw this a million times with my XAH. And you are VERY correct on the outbursts. I always felt like he was looking for a reward, a cookie or a pat on the head for his good deeds. All the while, I knew he was buzzing around on a magic carpet ride from the opiates, and/or he had just returned from a doctor shopping trip in Houston and was very well stocked up on pills.
faithhopelovejr is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:09 AM.