Just crazy
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Just crazy
How you feel when you've come to realized how much you really were being manipulated.
I had a talk with my AH and ended up not so strong when I felt that I was going to cry and lose it. I just hung the phone up.
I was upset cause it was a conversation basically about him saying I don't give a damn about any of you.
Well he did just what I he thought he would he called back later well I'll come back right now if you'd like me too. He's expects me to give up, let go of everything and it's not happening.
I couldn't say then why I can't figure it out I know it's happening and I just let it.
One the bright side I did stay strong and let him know nothings changed and I sticking with what I said from the very beginning.
Unless he's in treatment then we are done.
He said fine I'll call when ever.
How I got to this point I don't even know there's no love, just pure manipulation. It's just crazy that I still can't just divorce him and be done with it.
I think it's fear but I thank god for this site. I'm seeing it and not letting it eat me alive.
I will keep taking it day by day and maybe he'll do what needs to be done maybe not.
I had a talk with my AH and ended up not so strong when I felt that I was going to cry and lose it. I just hung the phone up.
I was upset cause it was a conversation basically about him saying I don't give a damn about any of you.
Well he did just what I he thought he would he called back later well I'll come back right now if you'd like me too. He's expects me to give up, let go of everything and it's not happening.
I couldn't say then why I can't figure it out I know it's happening and I just let it.
One the bright side I did stay strong and let him know nothings changed and I sticking with what I said from the very beginning.
Unless he's in treatment then we are done.
He said fine I'll call when ever.
How I got to this point I don't even know there's no love, just pure manipulation. It's just crazy that I still can't just divorce him and be done with it.
I think it's fear but I thank god for this site. I'm seeing it and not letting it eat me alive.
I will keep taking it day by day and maybe he'll do what needs to be done maybe not.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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lostnow, it is craziness and they suck us right down into it with them. 
Lately I have been asking my AH if he wants me to be miserable, and of course he says he doesn't, but then I point out that he is making me miserable (or I am letting him). Then I say...is that what people do to people they love.....make them miserable???? I want him to realize that we can't go on like this. Will it work? Who knows, but I am not holding my breath. Your husband is probably very good at "pushing your buttons" --the manipulation. Keep your mind on what you want your life to be like.
Take care, hang in there......be strong, you can do it, you deserve it!
Lately I have been asking my AH if he wants me to be miserable, and of course he says he doesn't, but then I point out that he is making me miserable (or I am letting him). Then I say...is that what people do to people they love.....make them miserable???? I want him to realize that we can't go on like this. Will it work? Who knows, but I am not holding my breath. Your husband is probably very good at "pushing your buttons" --the manipulation. Keep your mind on what you want your life to be like.
Take care, hang in there......be strong, you can do it, you deserve it!
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He's knows exactly how to push my buttons and I let him.
It's been another hell week
Today I had to leave work early to chase to the fedx man in a thunderstorm no less then came home to a flood in the kitchen.
My freaking Addict can only say well if I was there I could help you.
I just want to scream and I did if he fixed sh#t a long time ago I won't have some many f#&king problems.
So wish me luck tomorrow I'm going to fix the sink!!
It's been another hell week
Today I had to leave work early to chase to the fedx man in a thunderstorm no less then came home to a flood in the kitchen.
My freaking Addict can only say well if I was there I could help you.
I just want to scream and I did if he fixed sh#t a long time ago I won't have some many f#&king problems.
So wish me luck tomorrow I'm going to fix the sink!!
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Location: Chaos, USA
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We are there with you. I talk the tough talk and he tries to win me back the next day, says he is done using and the next day we fight and he says I never loved him, yeah right. And now he just called and apologized. It seems they get more manipulative when they know they are on the brink of losing us. It is a battle. Stay strong and focused. Like you said, take it day by day.
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lost
I do understand
Lately I have had so many things stressing me out then I talk to my AH who is in treatment and he says things like well honey, I'm sorry but I'm not there
or he tells me how he just got back from the movies.............well isnt that freaking great hes going to the movie in the middle of the day while I'm trying to keep bills paid the pool pump is going out the oldest son is street racing and the youngest just got his first 2 c's on a report card in his life.........
plus AHs family is no help in our life 1/2 of them are INSANE and the other 1/2 well wishy washy
I do understand
Lately I have had so many things stressing me out then I talk to my AH who is in treatment and he says things like well honey, I'm sorry but I'm not there
or he tells me how he just got back from the movies.............well isnt that freaking great hes going to the movie in the middle of the day while I'm trying to keep bills paid the pool pump is going out the oldest son is street racing and the youngest just got his first 2 c's on a report card in his life.........
plus AHs family is no help in our life 1/2 of them are INSANE and the other 1/2 well wishy washy
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I wish you more than luck and a good day. I wish you a bright and beautiful future free of the roller coaster. My mom says things happen for a reason.....not sure I ever really believed it....but maybe, just maybe, the sink thing was a reminder of the fact that he HAS NOT been there for you.
And by the way....I'm very impressed you can fix a sink.....
You can do this
And by the way....I'm very impressed you can fix a sink.....
You can do this
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But then I remember I AM a strong woman I can deal with the house the bills the kids and the freaking pool pump
BUT damn I didnt sigh up for this, Didnt we all sign up for PARTNERSHIPS?
We love addicts and when they are bent on staying in the addiction they are not avalible and manipulitve and even when they are working on getting help still not available and manipulative at times............
I think the answer lies in US somehow ..................I'm still working on that one....and you are too so hang in there stay strong .........the answers will come when we decide enough is enough
BUT damn I didnt sigh up for this, Didnt we all sign up for PARTNERSHIPS?
We love addicts and when they are bent on staying in the addiction they are not avalible and manipulitve and even when they are working on getting help still not available and manipulative at times............
I think the answer lies in US somehow ..................I'm still working on that one....and you are too so hang in there stay strong .........the answers will come when we decide enough is enough
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Originally Posted by liesagain 
lost
I do understand
Lately I have had so many things stressing me out then I talk to my AH who is in treatment and he says things like well honey, I'm sorry but I'm not there
or he tells me how he just got back from the movies.............well isnt that freaking great hes going to the movie in the middle of the day while I'm trying to keep bills paid the pool pump is going out the oldest son is street racing and the youngest just got his first 2 c's on a report card in his life.........
plus AHs family is no help in our life 1/2 of them are INSANE and the other 1/2 well wishy washy
I do understand
Lately I have had so many things stressing me out then I talk to my AH who is in treatment and he says things like well honey, I'm sorry but I'm not there
or he tells me how he just got back from the movies.............well isnt that freaking great hes going to the movie in the middle of the day while I'm trying to keep bills paid the pool pump is going out the oldest son is street racing and the youngest just got his first 2 c's on a report card in his life.........
plus AHs family is no help in our life 1/2 of them are INSANE and the other 1/2 well wishy washy
He's were I've longed to be the state I from and that kills me too. My sis was in town over their last weekend and I was so pissed at him I mean I should be there not him. AGGG
It feels good to know I not alone it helps to know I not really crazy it's not right.
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Originally Posted by itisatruth
I wish you more than luck and a good day. I wish you a bright and beautiful future free of the roller coaster. My mom says things happen for a reason.....not sure I ever really believed it....but maybe, just maybe, the sink thing was a reminder of the fact that he HAS NOT been there for you.
And by the way....I'm very impressed you can fix a sink.....
You can do this
And by the way....I'm very impressed you can fix a sink.....
You can do this
I'm sure as hell going to try though. Went tonight to buy the stuff,we shall see
Now if I can just figure out the lawn mower. I'll be alright.
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Originally Posted by liesagain
did he go back to YOUR hometown for treatment? Is that where he was when he left treatment?
We are from a huge city think close to mexico any way we both were born other places but grew up there.
Seven years ago we left everything in the middle of the night together to start over here in the middle of noware.
Huge huge change I love it but hate it at the same time, it's just not home.
I could never afford to go back to ware he is, makes me mad.
I mean I haven't even been back in 7 years, nobody has seen my baby and he's five.
We kept planing a vacation and it never happened and their he is living it up.
He went to rehab here, I picked him up we fought, he left and drove to another state to his family. It was in one day he was kicked out then gone, he kept saying he'd never go back to where he is, yet he did.
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Originally Posted by Chino
lost, what is it that you fear?
Everything I just fear that I will fail at everything, that I can't do this alone. I mean I was married in high school. I've never even lived alone before.
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It's difficult because you have a heart. You are a human being and you feel and love and hurt. His addictions have harmed that in him, numbed that, pushed that humanity away to some extent.
It sounds like you're doing good now. I think that if you find yourself being played or are worried you might be, tell yourself it's ok to hang up, to put distance there. If you need someone else to do it, I will.
It's OK to hang up.
It's OK to not take his phone call.
It's OK to tell him NO.
That is what I like about this board. It seems that when people cannot find the faith or the strength, they have a lot of others there to carry them part of the way. I don't know you, but I know your suffering, and you can lean on my shoulder anytime.
And living alone can be VERY liberating and very peaceful. I did it for some time. Just imagine, you can watch anything on television and not have people make fun. Yep. That means stuff like Little House on the Prairie, America's Next Top Model and Highway to Heaven reruns. Umm, not that I know about any of those. HONEST!
As for failing, sweetheart, we all fail. It's how we deal with those failures in life that make us better. Just remember, we're all here for you, ok?
It sounds like you're doing good now. I think that if you find yourself being played or are worried you might be, tell yourself it's ok to hang up, to put distance there. If you need someone else to do it, I will.
It's OK to hang up.
It's OK to not take his phone call.
It's OK to tell him NO.
That is what I like about this board. It seems that when people cannot find the faith or the strength, they have a lot of others there to carry them part of the way. I don't know you, but I know your suffering, and you can lean on my shoulder anytime.
And living alone can be VERY liberating and very peaceful. I did it for some time. Just imagine, you can watch anything on television and not have people make fun. Yep. That means stuff like Little House on the Prairie, America's Next Top Model and Highway to Heaven reruns. Umm, not that I know about any of those. HONEST!
As for failing, sweetheart, we all fail. It's how we deal with those failures in life that make us better. Just remember, we're all here for you, ok?
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You're afraid of failing
But did you read what you wrote? You are still willing to try and that matters the most. That is called courage and you have it 
Originally Posted by lostnow
I'm not sure I can
I'm sure as hell going to try though.
I'm sure as hell going to try though.
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(((lostnow)))
I've been having a "crazy" week myself. I know another friend who is too. Maybe it's the moon cycle or something! Whatever it is, good for you for staying strong!
For me, I am better able to stay strong, it's still exhausting and still I question things, but emotionally I am not getting so drained, which is extremely helpful! Keep working on you and you will get there!
Fixing sinks, raising kids, and you've never lived alone and afraid of failing? Really? You seem to be doing just fine! I have an aunt who has demolished and rebuilt rooms, decks off second floors, rewired and hangs light fixtures, designs and plants landscaping, etc. She's married, but she still does it all. She loves it! I try to think of her. I too do things when my AH has been gone over the years, taking on big painting projects myself - which has meant figuring out how to move big furniture by myself, etc., putting up shelving, remodeling the office - including taking apart and selling the old furniture and dragging the new stuff upstairs mostly by myself. I'm glad I did these things over the years, reminded me I could take care of myself. You can and are too!
It's hard with all this manipulation - I have gotten everything this week - from tears, to remorse, to arrogance, to veiled threats (not physical, monetary and vehicle, etc.) - all sorts of stuff. Just deflecting is exhausting in its way, but I can feel it getting easier!
Good luck, and let us know how that sink goes!
I've been having a "crazy" week myself. I know another friend who is too. Maybe it's the moon cycle or something! Whatever it is, good for you for staying strong!
For me, I am better able to stay strong, it's still exhausting and still I question things, but emotionally I am not getting so drained, which is extremely helpful! Keep working on you and you will get there!
Fixing sinks, raising kids, and you've never lived alone and afraid of failing? Really? You seem to be doing just fine! I have an aunt who has demolished and rebuilt rooms, decks off second floors, rewired and hangs light fixtures, designs and plants landscaping, etc. She's married, but she still does it all. She loves it! I try to think of her. I too do things when my AH has been gone over the years, taking on big painting projects myself - which has meant figuring out how to move big furniture by myself, etc., putting up shelving, remodeling the office - including taking apart and selling the old furniture and dragging the new stuff upstairs mostly by myself. I'm glad I did these things over the years, reminded me I could take care of myself. You can and are too!
It's hard with all this manipulation - I have gotten everything this week - from tears, to remorse, to arrogance, to veiled threats (not physical, monetary and vehicle, etc.) - all sorts of stuff. Just deflecting is exhausting in its way, but I can feel it getting easier!
Good luck, and let us know how that sink goes!
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