Sad realization
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 55
Sad realization
The more sober days that go by, the more isolated I am beginning to feel. I mean, over all I feel great. I'm happy, I'm more energetic, I'm exercising more, eating healthier. But I'm starting to realize that if I want to stay sober, I think isolation is the only way it's going to happen. And that's depressing. Of course I realize if I want to stop drinking, I can't be going out to bars every weekend. It just sucks because that's what my friends do. I'm afraid my best friend of 20 years and I are going to drift apart. It really sucks that all my friends ever want to do with me is drink. I became that person that everyone loves to drink with...and now that I'm not really doing it anymore, people aren't calling. O well. I'm done feeling sorry for myself now. I think I'm gonna do some yoga 
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Isolation doesn't have to be your only option to maintaining sobriety. Make new friends with new interests. Ones that don't include drinking. They're out there. Trust me . Maybe in time your example will rub off on your friends and they will be inspired to stop drinking also.
*Yoga is a good activity
!
. Maybe in time your example will rub off on your friends and they will be inspired to stop drinking also.*Yoga is a good activity
!
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
TFC - You know what I realized a few days ago, after nearly three months of sobriety? I haven't had more than two friends in almost three years. If that's not sad, I don't know what is! 
(But those two friends? One of them I've known for 16 of my 22 years... And both of them have gotten more involved in my life since I've stopped being a drunken moron.)
Are you involved in any sort of face-to-face support? Since I got involved in AA (and specifically, got into a sponsorship line and young people's meetings), I've gotten all SORTS of people wanting me to join their social circles. Heck, one girl's asked if I'll be her roomie next year!
Barring that, yoga people are hardcore and undoubtedly make better friends than drinking buddies.
(But those two friends? One of them I've known for 16 of my 22 years... And both of them have gotten more involved in my life since I've stopped being a drunken moron.)Are you involved in any sort of face-to-face support? Since I got involved in AA (and specifically, got into a sponsorship line and young people's meetings), I've gotten all SORTS of people wanting me to join their social circles. Heck, one girl's asked if I'll be her roomie next year!
Barring that, yoga people are hardcore and undoubtedly make better friends than drinking buddies.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi,
Gypsy is right! There are lots of things you can do with lots of people.
I think you're experiencing the fact that recovery means making some major life changes. But, it's worth it.
Volunteering is a great way to meet new people.
Gypsy is right! There are lots of things you can do with lots of people.
I think you're experiencing the fact that recovery means making some major life changes. But, it's worth it.
Volunteering is a great way to meet new people.
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
I have met a ton of sober ppl in AA and NA and also my church. There are plently of ppl out there who do not drink. you are right, you will not be able to maintain the same relationship you had w/ the ppl who are still drinking, but you CAN make new friends!
Sheila
Sheila
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Congrats on your sober time and your courage As others have said find a way to be with others that are not drinking, Join an organisation that interestes you. I had the luxury of other members in NA and still do but as time goes by your circle of friends will grow. Isolation was and still is no good for me.
Kevin
As others have said find a way to be with others that are not drinking, Join an organisation that interestes you. I had the luxury of other members in NA and still do but as time goes by your circle of friends will grow. Isolation was and still is no good for me.Kevin
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
But I'm starting to realize that if I want to stay sober, I think isolation is the only way it's going to happen.
At first the fellowship in the rooms of AA was scary, because I'm also a socio-phoebe.
Now, I chair the Wed night meeting that draws maybe 60 people ! I also have dozens of phone numbers in my cell, and send or receive at least 6-10 phone calls a day to/from other dunks.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 521
OMG...I was thinking the exact same stuff about 2 weeks ago.
I had a great pity party going on....until finally I got a little sick of feeling that way and I prayed about it.
Wanna hear something weird?
I think God answered my prayers and I happened to be listening!
All these weird opportunities started surfacing.
AA has a golf tourney coming up.
AA has campouts all summer long! I LOVE camping!
AA has a baseball league...just guys and gals in the fellowship who have organized a couple teams and they play one night a week.
Im feeling kinda good now. I have something to do besides go hang in the bars with my "friends"....I can go hang with my "fellowship of friends" pretty much anywhere but bars.
I had a great pity party going on....until finally I got a little sick of feeling that way and I prayed about it.
Wanna hear something weird?
I think God answered my prayers and I happened to be listening!
All these weird opportunities started surfacing.
AA has a golf tourney coming up.
AA has campouts all summer long! I LOVE camping!
AA has a baseball league...just guys and gals in the fellowship who have organized a couple teams and they play one night a week.
Im feeling kinda good now.
I have something to do besides go hang in the bars with my "friends"....I can go hang with my "fellowship of friends" pretty much anywhere but bars. mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
TimeForChange,
I do empathize with your feelings. I don't know if this is the same thing you're talking about but, for me, alcohol made me feel funny, bright, sexy and extroverted. I made great friends and had wonderful conversations. Bars were places where everything glittered and dinnerparties were made for fun and laughter.
And then in sobriety, I find that I feel dumpy, introverted, slow and confused. There's no way I can go to a bar with a friend. Besides the obvious, what would we talk about? If I had a dinner party, I feel like I'd have to use that old Ann Landers trick and read some interesting articles the day before so I had something to say. Who the heck is this woman in my skin and what did she do with that charming lady?
I feel like I am getting to know myself - this is my first time sober ever and it's scary. Who am I when I'm not drinking? And what do I do with myself?
I am realizing that the sad fact is I flung all my energy and love and character into an abyss that never deserved it. (You know that saying Pearls before swine?) The abyss of an alcohol centered life is a trick - it's a mirage. It was never really as fun as I thought it was. I was never as brilliant as I felt. Everyone else was not really as beautiful and captivated by my humor as I believed. We were all just drunk.
I do empathize with your feelings. I don't know if this is the same thing you're talking about but, for me, alcohol made me feel funny, bright, sexy and extroverted. I made great friends and had wonderful conversations. Bars were places where everything glittered and dinnerparties were made for fun and laughter.
And then in sobriety, I find that I feel dumpy, introverted, slow and confused. There's no way I can go to a bar with a friend. Besides the obvious, what would we talk about? If I had a dinner party, I feel like I'd have to use that old Ann Landers trick and read some interesting articles the day before so I had something to say. Who the heck is this woman in my skin and what did she do with that charming lady?
I feel like I am getting to know myself - this is my first time sober ever and it's scary. Who am I when I'm not drinking? And what do I do with myself?
I am realizing that the sad fact is I flung all my energy and love and character into an abyss that never deserved it. (You know that saying Pearls before swine?) The abyss of an alcohol centered life is a trick - it's a mirage. It was never really as fun as I thought it was. I was never as brilliant as I felt. Everyone else was not really as beautiful and captivated by my humor as I believed. We were all just drunk.
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