Nurturing friendships
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 444
Nurturing friendships
AH and I have been separated now for 5 months. Overall, things are going pretty well. More and more I recognize that I lost myself, and don't even really know who I am. Learning who I am is scary and not always pleasant. I have been lonely and a part of me kept crying out to "hurry up and find someone"; even though the smarter side of me knows it is way too soon for a new relationship. Over the past couple of days I have realized that what I really need is to develop some healthy friendships; and I realized I don't really know how to have a "healthy" friendship. Even before AH and I were together, I see that my friendships going as far back as high school (maybe even elementary school) were not healthy. I was (am) very shy and introverted; so I tried to find a "best friend" with a larger circle of friends and just kind of hang around by default. I see myself doing that now with my sister; and getting my feelings hurt when she doesn't always include me. I am wondering, also, if that isn't a bit of classic codependency? So, my goal is to find new and/or nurture some existing friendships.
I have many challenges in front of me. I don't have a lot of "spare" time; and live quite a distance from the town where I work and where most of the people I know live. A lot of my current friends/acquaintances are married -- and were friends of mine & my husband; so it's a bit awkward to socialize as single person with a couple. Especially with the divorce and issues surrounding it that they don't want to hear about, but hardly can avoid asking about.
I am going to try to step out of my comfort zone, and to make conversations with people. I am going to try to focus on other people, and not focus on what other people think of me. I am going to try to get involved in more activities. I am also going to get out of my office and mingle more with people at work. I am going to take a few minutes every night to call and chat with friends, and not think that I have to have a reason or excuse to do so.
I'd welcome any advice, tips, tricks. Anyone else find themselves in this situation, and what did you do about it?
I have many challenges in front of me. I don't have a lot of "spare" time; and live quite a distance from the town where I work and where most of the people I know live. A lot of my current friends/acquaintances are married -- and were friends of mine & my husband; so it's a bit awkward to socialize as single person with a couple. Especially with the divorce and issues surrounding it that they don't want to hear about, but hardly can avoid asking about.
I am going to try to step out of my comfort zone, and to make conversations with people. I am going to try to focus on other people, and not focus on what other people think of me. I am going to try to get involved in more activities. I am also going to get out of my office and mingle more with people at work. I am going to take a few minutes every night to call and chat with friends, and not think that I have to have a reason or excuse to do so.
I'd welcome any advice, tips, tricks. Anyone else find themselves in this situation, and what did you do about it?
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 91
I too am experiencing a lot of these same feelings.....just very recently divorced from an AW....I know exactly where you are at right now...I'm there too...and yes, I'm a codie and am suffering severe withdrawl myself in some ways...but I look at it as "detoxing" and I know I can never have a healthy relationship until I can move past this stage of my life.
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