daisylady

Does anyone else feel like the longer they deal with their addicts the less patient they are? Since my AH got out of rehab (for the second time) I find myself being annoyed at everything he does... if he leaves clothes on the floor, if he forgets to do something I have asked him to do to contribute to our household (such as take out the trash) and he doesn't do it, or if he acts selfish in any way I just want to chew him out. I know I should be patient and now is a time where he needs love and nurturing... but I just want someone to NURTURE ME for a change! And, another thing that is bugging me is he hasn't showered since FRIDAY! How nasty is that? I mean, there are things that he is doing for his recovery such as going to NA m:wtf2eetings, seeing is therapist etc... but I am still unhappy! I just want to spend time by myself in peace without him. Is there something wrong with me?

Anyone else share common feelings?

katiedid79

My abf says he isnt using anymore, but has not seeked out side help so...
But I understand how you feel. Ive been like this for about a month or so now. Ive been trying to distence myself from him because whenever Im around him he just irrtates me. I think that the showering issue comes in under lazieness , and low self esteem. Mine has the same problem with personal hygene. He has been doing a little better... Sounds like your just fed up with everything. Maybe you need some time for yourself. Go do somthing that you like to do. That seems to help me somtimes, when I can figure out what it is that I like to do

nytepassion

Daisy,

What was his drug of choice?

It takes time to recover .. it takes time for the brain and body to function correctly.

Drug abuse can screw up the dopamine in brain.

Passion

Chino

There's nothing wrong with you. It sounds like you've moved on but haven't realized it yet. I think you need to ask yourself again if you really want to be with him.

daisylady

The first time he went to rehab his DOC was cocaine. This last time he went to rehab he was taking heavy doses of Klonopin & vicodin (or any pill he could get his hands on). I would say his DOC is Cocaine. His most recent binge before his second time in rehab (four weeks ago) only lasted for a short time (a little over a week) so he hadn't progressed to the cocaine this time. I am sure if he had not gotten help when he did he would have eventually used cocaine again. I think the pills were just something to tide him over.

cinderellawkids

When my husband and I first married I didnt want to be away from him for a second. As times gone by Ive grown and no matter where he was or definately wasnot in his recovery Ive started cherishing time alone. I think for me its just that Im now comfortable being alone and before I never was. Usually when Im irritable and everything he does aggitates me there something else within me Im not dealing with and when I get past that, a few dirty clothes on teh floor doesnt bother me as much anymore (but I also no longer pick them up...in time he does and then starts doing better about handling it ihimself.)

Cupicake

Personally, after the second time my exAH went to rehab I've already "had it". He could do no right because I was just plain tired of the roller coaster ride. I was tired of living life in the shadow of his addiction or rather not living life at all. I was tired of having to deal with all that came with addiction.

I slowly realized it was more an issue about me rather than him though...

I had to think about whether or not I could survive in such an angry broken down home with addiction hanging over our heads. I was more angry at myself and it just manifested into anger at him because I blamed him and resented him. I'm not saying that he wasn't deserving of some of that anger but essentially it was clear to me that he was an addict and he did his part...he made his choice. He chose to use despite the possiblity of losing me. I had choices of my own to make. My lack of a solid decision and my inaction is what was really at the core of all of this anger. My uncertainty and self doubt was just the icing on the cake. These issues cause great internal struggles and they eventually come out in waves of anger, depression,....

Once you make a decision and accept your decision no matter the consequences then you might be able to move beyond the anger that is currently consumming you. But all of this takes time too...it's a process...

hope213

(((((((daisy)))))) be good to yourself. prayers,

katie44

There is nothing wrong withyou. Each time my As came home from rehab the littlest thing aggitated me, even when he was clean. Not putting away his dishes, leaving dirty clothes around. I constantly found myself watching him and his mess. I felt so bad about the way I felt. I finally realized what it was I was tired of looking after every one else, I no longer wanted him to live with us, and I was fixated on his next relapse. I actually would come home from work go straight to my room and lock the door just to have some peace. Sounds like you need to take some time for yourself, those moments of peace are worth a million. Be good to yourself.

bluebelle

I think there is nothing wrong with being tired of worrying about others and taking care of others, and just wanting someone to take care of you!!!! I know that feeling. All I can say is that you need to take care of you and do what is best for you. At some point we have to stop worrying about the addict, stop taking care of the addict, and start looking after ourselves. If I'm looking after the addict and he's looking after himself, then no one is looking after me!!!! Take care of yourself. Do what you need for yourself, and set your boundaries. Just because he is recovering doesn't mean that you can't ask him to just be clean! I hate it when my RAH sits around tired and "taking care of himself" to the point of laziness. I injured myself a few days ago. I read the "Let Me Fall," saw about how I shouldn't be protecting him, and just came out with what I needed from him. There, that's it. This is what I need from you. Do you find yourself not asking for what you need because you are worried that he needs to take care of himself so he doesn't relapse? I am really trying to be over that.

itisatruth

Hi daisylady, I can relate. I really have to watch myself, I can get really nasty really fast over the littlest things. I never used to be like that. Its a really ugly side of me. For me I think it has to do with everything......the fact that I do almost everything, the lies even if they are in the past, the fact that we are broke because of his poor choices, the never knowing what the day is going to be like, all the resentments have built up inside me and I don't know what to do with them. I guess coming here is a start.

I hope you do make time for yourself, do things to help you get to a better place emotionally.