Need Advice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2
Need Advice
Hey all,
I'm new here, and I've got kind of a sad story to share with you and hopefully get some input. I am a senior in high school and I've been dating a girl for about 4 months, and really love and care about her a lot. Recently she admitted to me that she's been taking ecstasy for quite some time. She said that every week, 3 nights a week she sneaks out of her house, does it, then comes home, having got no sleep, and goes to school.
Now I am by no means a straight-edge, I smoke and also drink occasionally, but I've never had to deal with something of this magnitude. I really want her to try and quit, but I know it's gonna take more than just my words to get her to stop. We've had some conversations about it, but I have yet to be too harsh with her because I want the best for her, and I'm afraid that if I yell at her about it, she won't tell me when she's going out and doing it.
What worries me most is that she almost never eats. And when she does, she usually spends the night in the bathroom throwing up.
Even though I know almost nothing about drug addictions, this seems really serious, and I'm wondering what I should do about it. Should I tell someone? I really want her to get help, and I really want her to eat and sleep like a normal human being.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I'm new here, and I've got kind of a sad story to share with you and hopefully get some input. I am a senior in high school and I've been dating a girl for about 4 months, and really love and care about her a lot. Recently she admitted to me that she's been taking ecstasy for quite some time. She said that every week, 3 nights a week she sneaks out of her house, does it, then comes home, having got no sleep, and goes to school.
Now I am by no means a straight-edge, I smoke and also drink occasionally, but I've never had to deal with something of this magnitude. I really want her to try and quit, but I know it's gonna take more than just my words to get her to stop. We've had some conversations about it, but I have yet to be too harsh with her because I want the best for her, and I'm afraid that if I yell at her about it, she won't tell me when she's going out and doing it.
What worries me most is that she almost never eats. And when she does, she usually spends the night in the bathroom throwing up.
Even though I know almost nothing about drug addictions, this seems really serious, and I'm wondering what I should do about it. Should I tell someone? I really want her to get help, and I really want her to eat and sleep like a normal human being.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
As a recovering addict--I would say that there is nothing you can do about her drug problem. She has to want to stop for herself. But as far as the not eating and throwing up--not sure if that is related to her drug use, or if she may also have an eating disorder (such as bulemia) or both. Certain drugs I took kept me up for days at a time--and I usually never felt hungry. I don't know if she is making herself throw up or not--or if she is merely getting sick when she does eat something. (Unclear with reading what you wrote) If she has an eating disorder--most definitely I would think she needs some help--but I haven't any real experience with that sort of thing. My lack of eating/wanting to eat was directly related to my drug use. When I got off the drugs, I slowly started to regain an appetite and started to eat "normally" once more. It is good that you are there for her. You sound like a good friend--but if you are concerned about her well being, maybe speak to a counselor anonymously at your school or something. My question--Does she think she may have a problem? If she doesn't think so, or just doesn't want to quit, then it probably won't make much difference who knows. I didn't quit until I was ready. Like the old saying.."You can lead the horse to water...but you can't make them drink it." Hope this helped somewhat.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hey Joe. Have you told her you don't want to be with a girl who sneaks out and uses X three nights a week? And what did she say?
I know you care about this girl but you can't fix her problem. It's up to her to seek help. It doesn't sound like she even wants help though. I mean, you could tell her parents... it will destroy your relationship with her, but it could save her life. So it's kind of up to you.
Unfortunatley, no matter what you do, you won't fix her. That is something she has to do herself.
The best advice is to draw boundaries about the behavior that is acceptable to you in your life, and the kind of people you want to be around. Then enforce your boundaries. It's about you and your life.
I know you care about this girl but you can't fix her problem. It's up to her to seek help. It doesn't sound like she even wants help though. I mean, you could tell her parents... it will destroy your relationship with her, but it could save her life. So it's kind of up to you.
Unfortunatley, no matter what you do, you won't fix her. That is something she has to do herself.
The best advice is to draw boundaries about the behavior that is acceptable to you in your life, and the kind of people you want to be around. Then enforce your boundaries. It's about you and your life.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 266
Joe,
I would say something to her parents about the eating disorder. I would not say anything about the drugs. Maybe she has a close friend you can talk to. Talk to your parents see what they say. If you do not feel right about telling anyone the only thing you can do let her go.
Have you told her how you feel about the drug use and her getting sick after every time she eats? If you can not tell her how you feel then why are with her?
I would say something to her parents about the eating disorder. I would not say anything about the drugs. Maybe she has a close friend you can talk to. Talk to your parents see what they say. If you do not feel right about telling anyone the only thing you can do let her go.
Have you told her how you feel about the drug use and her getting sick after every time she eats? If you can not tell her how you feel then why are with her?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Sounds like she has an eating disorder and may be self-medicating with the drugs to try to feel normal. Bulimia can upset the brain's chemical balance. My daughter is 21 and started to throw up her food when she was 15. I believe that her bulimia is what led her to trying oxycontin. She told me it just made her feel normal. I would talk to her parents and tell them that you think she may have an eating disorder. Don't be surprised if they don't believe you because it is a shock and not something that they may be ready to deal with. But at least you are trying. You could also talk to a school counselor because your girlfriend may feel better talking to someone she is not going to be judged by. Hope it helps. I will say a prayer for her. Hugs, Marle
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Joe,
Glad you've joined us, sorry to hear about your GF, you sound like a warm, caring person.
I am feeling there is nothing in your power to help this girl fight her demons, but since she is young, and her parents still have some legal authority regarding her care, I would tell them. You may be saving a life, here.
Glad you've joined us, sorry to hear about your GF, you sound like a warm, caring person.
I am feeling there is nothing in your power to help this girl fight her demons, but since she is young, and her parents still have some legal authority regarding her care, I would tell them. You may be saving a life, here.
Mr.MeToo?
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: East Coast to the Deep South
Posts: 828
no offense here, but i think you are making a mountain our of a molehill joe. You guys are in high school. Most people are curious about drugs and alcohol and experimenting with many different substances during those years. (i know when i was in HS 5 years ago thats what it was like...)
Having taken xtc before i can tell you that it does suppress appetite. Not only that but if you force yourself to eat chances are you will end up throwing up. Also xtc is not classified as an addictive drug by the American Medical Textbook.
My suggestion: just have a talk with her that you dont think she should be doing drugs like that because it makes you uncomfortable and you care about her a lot and don't want to see her go down the wrong path. Chances are she will come around. Good luck to you bro.
Having taken xtc before i can tell you that it does suppress appetite. Not only that but if you force yourself to eat chances are you will end up throwing up. Also xtc is not classified as an addictive drug by the American Medical Textbook.
My suggestion: just have a talk with her that you dont think she should be doing drugs like that because it makes you uncomfortable and you care about her a lot and don't want to see her go down the wrong path. Chances are she will come around. Good luck to you bro.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
While I do think the younger crowd does experiment with drugs (many of us did at that age,) it sounds a bit excessive to me at 3 days a week each week.
With a drug like E, it's one of those "keep chasing the dragon, looking for that perfect high you had when you first tried it," kind of deal. It's also a very touchy-feely kind of drug, making people far more social and outgoing than they normally are.
Have you told her that it's pretty heavy for you? Asked her why she thinks she needs to do it? Could she stop if she wanted to?
It sounds like she is self-medicating hardcore (especially with the mention of the purging in the bathroom.)
As hard as this sounds, just try to sit down and talk with her about it. Let her know you're not there to judge her or to sound demanding/threatening, just to understand better. If you give her a good reason to trust you and talk to you, it might help her?
With a drug like E, it's one of those "keep chasing the dragon, looking for that perfect high you had when you first tried it," kind of deal. It's also a very touchy-feely kind of drug, making people far more social and outgoing than they normally are.
Have you told her that it's pretty heavy for you? Asked her why she thinks she needs to do it? Could she stop if she wanted to?
It sounds like she is self-medicating hardcore (especially with the mention of the purging in the bathroom.)
As hard as this sounds, just try to sit down and talk with her about it. Let her know you're not there to judge her or to sound demanding/threatening, just to understand better. If you give her a good reason to trust you and talk to you, it might help her?
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
To me it sounds like a definate eating disorder, and Just a guess....
But it sounds like she likes the E, because it helps with eating disorder.
I have had an ED since I can remember, I first asked my Mom how many calories were in a pound when I was only Three.
It felt like a Miracle Cure to me when I found Meth.
Girls obsessed with their weight, throwing up, not eating,
tend to use any drug they can find to enhance their Ed.
That has been my experience.
If it were "Me" I would tell her parents, a school counselor, anyone who will listen to you.
Bulimia, not eating and drugs, is very serious, she is really putting her life in danger.
You can't save her or make her stop, that is not your job, but you can be her friend by letting someone know.
I wish they would have taken my disorder more seriously when I was in High School... But I was good at what I did, so know one really knew how bad it was.
But it sounds like she likes the E, because it helps with eating disorder.
I have had an ED since I can remember, I first asked my Mom how many calories were in a pound when I was only Three.
It felt like a Miracle Cure to me when I found Meth.
Girls obsessed with their weight, throwing up, not eating,
tend to use any drug they can find to enhance their Ed.
That has been my experience.
If it were "Me" I would tell her parents, a school counselor, anyone who will listen to you.
Bulimia, not eating and drugs, is very serious, she is really putting her life in danger.
You can't save her or make her stop, that is not your job, but you can be her friend by letting someone know.
I wish they would have taken my disorder more seriously when I was in High School... But I was good at what I did, so know one really knew how bad it was.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by ex D-Boy 
no offense here, but i think you are making a mountain our of a molehill joe. You guys are in high school. Most people are curious about drugs and alcohol and experimenting with many different substances during those years. (i know when i was in HS 5 years ago thats what it was like...)
It's not pretty, One of the side effects of mixing those three, can be Death.
When you love someone who is starving, throwing up, not sleeping, and doing drugs, I do not see how that is making a mountain out of a molehill.
Eating Disorders have the HIGHEST death rate of ALL the mental illnesses.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
Done-With-It, I'm sorry you had to fight that battle. I was a bulimic for a time myself, so I know the cycle of self-hatred and depreciation one can experience. I never knew the drug side of it, though, but I imagine that only adds to it.
I think it's terrible that these things aren't taken more seriously, that someone's weight is often the butt of jokes (whether you are suffering from a disorder that makes you eat too much or too little.) Women who are too fat are called fat pigs and ridiculed in public, as though it's the last form of acceptable discrimination allowed. Thing is, I've seen skinny men and women ridiculed in the same way.
My parents wouldn't have taken my eating disorder seriously at the time had they known I was suffering. They would have told me, "just buck up and get over it. Don't be stupid." I mean them no grief nor do I fault them, but many people look at it as an easy thing to "just stop." It's not.
Add in the drug factor (I know how damaging meth can be,) and I cannot even imagine. My husband used meth. He used to use 2-3 times a week (just like the original poster said his GF used.) Called himself a social-user, a casual-user. Then he couldn't function without it. He couldn't make it through work without it. Now that he's been clean for some time, he still needs massive amounts of caffeine to keep alert. It's getting better, though.
It sounds like the E is there to control the appetite bigtime and to give her the social elation that she thinks she might otherwise get if she was "the perfect size?"
Either way, I think once she starts addressing the eating disorder, the rest might fall into place?
To the original poster, please keep us updated.
I think it's terrible that these things aren't taken more seriously, that someone's weight is often the butt of jokes (whether you are suffering from a disorder that makes you eat too much or too little.) Women who are too fat are called fat pigs and ridiculed in public, as though it's the last form of acceptable discrimination allowed. Thing is, I've seen skinny men and women ridiculed in the same way.
My parents wouldn't have taken my eating disorder seriously at the time had they known I was suffering. They would have told me, "just buck up and get over it. Don't be stupid." I mean them no grief nor do I fault them, but many people look at it as an easy thing to "just stop." It's not.
Add in the drug factor (I know how damaging meth can be,) and I cannot even imagine. My husband used meth. He used to use 2-3 times a week (just like the original poster said his GF used.) Called himself a social-user, a casual-user. Then he couldn't function without it. He couldn't make it through work without it. Now that he's been clean for some time, he still needs massive amounts of caffeine to keep alert. It's getting better, though.
It sounds like the E is there to control the appetite bigtime and to give her the social elation that she thinks she might otherwise get if she was "the perfect size?"
Either way, I think once she starts addressing the eating disorder, the rest might fall into place?
To the original poster, please keep us updated.
Mr.MeToo?
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: East Coast to the Deep South
Posts: 828
Originally Posted by Done-With-It
Have you Ever seen a girl on a respirator, low on electrolytes, have a heart attack from throwing up her food, not eating, and taking drugs to not eat.
It's not pretty, One of the side effects of mixing those three, can be Death.
When you love someone who is starving, throwing up, not sleeping, and doing drugs, I do not see how that is making a mountain out of a molehill.
Eating Disorders have the HIGHEST death rate of ALL the mental illnesses.
It's not pretty, One of the side effects of mixing those three, can be Death.
When you love someone who is starving, throwing up, not sleeping, and doing drugs, I do not see how that is making a mountain out of a molehill.
Eating Disorders have the HIGHEST death rate of ALL the mental illnesses.
sheeesh girl , bite my head off why dont you!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
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After reading a few responses, and thanks again, I just wanted to say that up until this point I was always under the impression that the eating disorder came directly from the drug use. But after scanning through the majority of the responses, I can definitely see that it may be about something more. I don't believe she is forcing herself to throw up, but I'm not sure. The thing is, she's doesn't look like she has an eating disorder at all. She looks perfectly healthy, so that thought never really crossed my mind and when it did, I assumed the loss of appetite was drug related.
This is something I will have a conversation with her about in the near future.
Of course I've told her. She knows how much it upsets me, I guess what I meant to say was that... as I'm looking for advice on the right thing to do, I haven't been too harsh with her because I don't want her to shut down and stop telling me when she goes out and does it.
Thanks for the input D-Boy. I didn't mean to make "a mountain out of a molehill", I merely came here looking for some input because I don't know about a lot of this stuff. The fact that you've provided me with the information I highlighted in bold makes me feel a lot better actually. I was aware that it was not classified as an addictive drug, but at this point, she's been doing it for so long (3+ years) that it's become a routine, and it feels almost as if she's become addicted to the routine. And if she's not an addict, she definitely behaves a lot like one. And it's not the pills that are worrying me the most at this point, it's the fact that I spent two hours in the bathroom with her the other day, holding her hair back while she threw up. But again, thanks for the info and I didn't mean to exaggerate, but it's all still hitting me.
If it were "Me" I would tell her parents, a school counselor, anyone who will listen to you.
Bulimia, not eating and drugs, is very serious, she is really putting her life in danger.
You can't save her or make her stop, that is not your job, but you can be her friend by letting someone know.
Now this is, of course, something I've considered. But it would destroy her family. And make her life a living hell for the foreseeable future. Not to mention it would be the end of our relationship, and I wouldn't have the opportunity to be there for help and support. And is it really my place to do this? Is it necessary? All questions I've been asking myself a lot lately.
This is something I will have a conversation with her about in the near future.
Originally Posted by wooforever
Joe,
I would say something to her parents about the eating disorder. I would not say anything about the drugs. Maybe she has a close friend you can talk to. Talk to your parents see what they say. If you do not feel right about telling anyone the only thing you can do let her go.
Have you told her how you feel about the drug use and her getting sick after every time she eats? If you can not tell her how you feel then why are with her?
I would say something to her parents about the eating disorder. I would not say anything about the drugs. Maybe she has a close friend you can talk to. Talk to your parents see what they say. If you do not feel right about telling anyone the only thing you can do let her go.
Have you told her how you feel about the drug use and her getting sick after every time she eats? If you can not tell her how you feel then why are with her?
Originally Posted by ex D-Boy
no offense here, but i think you are making a mountain our of a molehill joe. You guys are in high school. Most people are curious about drugs and alcohol and experimenting with many different substances during those years. (i know when i was in HS 5 years ago thats what it was like...)
Having taken xtc before i can tell you that it does suppress appetite. Not only that but if you force yourself to eat chances are you will end up throwing up. Also xtc is not classified as an addictive drug by the American Medical Textbook.
My suggestion: just have a talk with her that you dont think she should be doing drugs like that because it makes you uncomfortable and you care about her a lot and don't want to see her go down the wrong path. Chances are she will come around. Good luck to you bro.
Having taken xtc before i can tell you that it does suppress appetite. Not only that but if you force yourself to eat chances are you will end up throwing up. Also xtc is not classified as an addictive drug by the American Medical Textbook.
My suggestion: just have a talk with her that you dont think she should be doing drugs like that because it makes you uncomfortable and you care about her a lot and don't want to see her go down the wrong path. Chances are she will come around. Good luck to you bro.
Originally Posted by Done-With-It
If it were "Me" I would tell her parents, a school counselor, anyone who will listen to you.
Bulimia, not eating and drugs, is very serious, she is really putting her life in danger.
You can't save her or make her stop, that is not your job, but you can be her friend by letting someone know.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Google Bulemia for what problems it can cause.
Do the same for Club Drugs...ecstasy.
She needs professional help from what you wrote.
Joe...
I admire you for seeking answers ...however
you and she are both over your heads with this.
Heck...I would be too and I know a lot about addictions.
Do the same for Club Drugs...ecstasy.
She needs professional help from what you wrote.
Joe...
I admire you for seeking answers ...however
you and she are both over your heads with this.
Heck...I would be too and I know a lot about addictions.
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I wish someone had reached out and let caring adults know some of the "experimenting" my daughter did in high school. I wish someone thought that things weren't just what kids do...Of course, none of what she was doing was "addictive" either...But somehow she ended up an addict and did not live past her teens.
I'm saying this because there is another side to the viewpoint that using drugs 3 or 4 times a week, not eating, going to school without sleep, etc. is just "typical" behavior. Yes, many young adults experiement, but when one's life is revolving around getting high, not eating, etc. I can certainly understand your concern. I hope you can speak with an adult who cares for your friend and that maybe she can get the help she needs. She does need professional help. Thanks for being a good friend and caring.
I'm saying this because there is another side to the viewpoint that using drugs 3 or 4 times a week, not eating, going to school without sleep, etc. is just "typical" behavior. Yes, many young adults experiement, but when one's life is revolving around getting high, not eating, etc. I can certainly understand your concern. I hope you can speak with an adult who cares for your friend and that maybe she can get the help she needs. She does need professional help. Thanks for being a good friend and caring.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by ex D-Boy
well if you read my 2nd paragraph or even his entire post you would have seen that Loss of appetite or getting sick if trying to eat after taking xtc will cause a person to vomit. Also joe has said he is not sure whether her throwing up is a direct result of using the drug or an eating disorder. I was merely pointing out that it MOST LIKELY is the result of the drug and not because of an eating disorder.
sheeesh girl , bite my head off why dont you!!!!
sheeesh girl , bite my head off why dont you!!!!
I know about E and it's affects. Check out an eating disorder/drug board.
Girls take E all the time to 'not eat'.
There is no way for any of us to know what is the MOST LIKELY cause of
her not eating, throwing up, etc.
Throwing up and doing E, ED or not, can still have the effects of an ED, and 'throwing up' is one way a girl finds her ED. I know far too much about ED's and the effects it can have on someone, and even if it's not an ED, it's not normal behavior.
Was not, and am not trying to 'Bite Your Head Off', but when someone is doing that kind of stuff to their body, it is a big deal.
When my Dad took me to the doctors in High School, the doctor told him the same thing, Not a big deal, she'll out grow it, it's just a phase.
If you don't give someone with an Eating disorder, or an Eating Problem the respect the ED wants, it can very likely kill you.
My Meth addiction was NOTHING in comparison to what the the ED has done to my head. The last friend I lost to an ED was two months ago. The last time I cried over my ED and had to fight not to get a bag of weight loss was yesterday.
I wish to God some of the friends I've lost would have gotten help when they were younger.
I wish someone had reached out and let caring adults know some of the "experimenting" my daughter did in high school.
But it would destroy her family.
I think if something 'really' happened to her, that may really destroy them.
I used to think I destroyed my parents for my ED, I didn't see a way out.
The only time I saw them close to being 'destroyed' was when I was in the hospital again, and my life was in jeopardy.
And make her life a living hell for the foreseeable future.
The choice is up to you, I would be scared to tell on a friend also.
It's not up to you to save her, but you can let someone else know what is going on.
Thanks for being a good friend and caring.
Zombie Wife, I totally hear you on the weight thing. It's a sad society these days when it comes to weight.
Oh and my parents didn't take me too seriously either at first. I think for some parents it's just to hard to comprehend, the whole ED thing.
:ghug
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My son's addictive behaviors started with an eating disorder in high school. He went on to his current state of drug abuse. I wish I had taken it more seriously back then and insisted on major counseling, not just a few sessions with the family doc. His search for "feeling normal" has been going on nearly ten years, and his life is about right where it was as a fifteen year old. Wasted years. Thanks for pushing how serious the ED part of this problem is, Done. And thanks for being such a great friend, Joe. I hope you find a way to tell an adult about this so that someone else can help you to help your friend. And Joe, remember to take care of yourself also. Sometimes friends get so focused on others they forget to take care of themselves
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by peaceteach
My son's addictive behaviors started with an eating disorder in high school. He went on to his current state of drug abuse. I wish I had taken it more seriously back then and insisted on major counseling, not just a few sessions with the family doc. His search for "feeling normal" has been going on nearly ten years, and his life is about right where it was as a fifteen year old. Wasted years. Thanks for pushing how serious the ED part of this problem is, Done. And thanks for being such a great friend, Joe. I hope you find a way to tell an adult about this so that someone else can help you to help your friend. And Joe, remember to take care of yourself also. Sometimes friends get so focused on others they forget to take care of themselves
Thanks for sharing your story Peaceteach.
I just glanced back over my posts and noticed I used the word 'girl', I should have probably said person instead.
I know that many boys/men are affected by it also.
Sorry I didn't mean any disrespect to the men/boys. It, like drugs, can take anyone hostage.
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welcome to S.R. i hope your g.f. gets the help & wants the help she needs. until she wants it there is no hope for her. she is definiately an addict & their is nothing you can do for her until she is will to accept the help. keep coming back & let us know how she is. prayers for you & her both.
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I wish someone cared enough about my daughter, in her Senior year, to tell me what she had gotten herself into. Maybe, just maybe, it would not have escalated to heroin addiction, at age 19.
As it relates to the addictive qualities of ecstacy, there is a difference difference between physical and mental dependency. Ecstacy does not result in a physical dependence, meaning there are no withdrawal symptoms. One can however, build a tolerence, meaning that one needs more as time goes on to feel the same effect.
Mental dependence means that the user gradually desires the substance more and more often and can't feel happy without it anymore. Mental dependence is common.
The long term effects of ecstacy are unknown, at this time. For some, as it was for my daughter, it's the stepping stone to hard core drugs. If you really care about her, talk to her parents.
As it relates to the addictive qualities of ecstacy, there is a difference difference between physical and mental dependency. Ecstacy does not result in a physical dependence, meaning there are no withdrawal symptoms. One can however, build a tolerence, meaning that one needs more as time goes on to feel the same effect.
Mental dependence means that the user gradually desires the substance more and more often and can't feel happy without it anymore. Mental dependence is common.
The long term effects of ecstacy are unknown, at this time. For some, as it was for my daughter, it's the stepping stone to hard core drugs. If you really care about her, talk to her parents.
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