Progress, not perfection
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Progress, not perfection
The abpexgf calls yesterday am, wakes me up, I probably should have been up and alert, but I wasn't. First mistake, though I was half awake, was picking up. Second mistake, worse yet, she hung up after maybe 4 rings, and I called her back.
She's on about borrowing a rototiller, I had promised her earlier-a while back-that she could, apologizes for waking me up, very brief, oh so foamy rant about "not wanting to talk to me, not wanting to be friends". I agree to let her borrow the rototiller, she tells me she'll call back Sunday, around 11 am so she doesn't wake me up.
As soon as I hang up, I start thinking, why did I do that? Why didn't I just tell her that yeah, I don't want to see you or talk to you, and I wouldn't call anyone a friend and allow them to treat me the way you did. Too late, she probably won't answer if I do call her back.
So I get up early today, to watch an F1 race and take care of my business, 11 am comes and goes, I'm doing the chores, take a shower, sit for 20 odd minutes, 1145 comes and I'm out the door, going to visit Mom in the hospital. No call!!!!
On the way up to the hospital, had the thought about an avatar I've seen here, Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown at the last minute, Charlie takes a tumble, he falls for this every time. Except in my case, Lucy's football wasn't filled it air, it was filled with concrete, and if I had made contact it definitely would have left a mark.
On the way home, was struck by the thought that last year at this time, I would have been calling frantically, 'are you all right' and all that other sick stuff. If she calls back sometime in the future, or tries to contact me I can simply ignore it, or just tell her, yes, you are not my friend, and no, I do not want to talk to you.
:codiepolice:
She's on about borrowing a rototiller, I had promised her earlier-a while back-that she could, apologizes for waking me up, very brief, oh so foamy rant about "not wanting to talk to me, not wanting to be friends". I agree to let her borrow the rototiller, she tells me she'll call back Sunday, around 11 am so she doesn't wake me up.
As soon as I hang up, I start thinking, why did I do that? Why didn't I just tell her that yeah, I don't want to see you or talk to you, and I wouldn't call anyone a friend and allow them to treat me the way you did. Too late, she probably won't answer if I do call her back.
So I get up early today, to watch an F1 race and take care of my business, 11 am comes and goes, I'm doing the chores, take a shower, sit for 20 odd minutes, 1145 comes and I'm out the door, going to visit Mom in the hospital. No call!!!!
On the way up to the hospital, had the thought about an avatar I've seen here, Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown at the last minute, Charlie takes a tumble, he falls for this every time. Except in my case, Lucy's football wasn't filled it air, it was filled with concrete, and if I had made contact it definitely would have left a mark.
On the way home, was struck by the thought that last year at this time, I would have been calling frantically, 'are you all right' and all that other sick stuff. If she calls back sometime in the future, or tries to contact me I can simply ignore it, or just tell her, yes, you are not my friend, and no, I do not want to talk to you.
:codiepolice:
Sister of Alcoholic
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: somewhere USA
Posts: 152
Wow, a very powerful post! Thank you; I especially liked the Charlie Brown reference--a perfect comparison. Isn't it amazing how once you begin the process of letting go, it gets easier day by day? You are doing great...you have choices! 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
Originally Posted by really_fed_up 
Wow, a very powerful post! Thank you; I especially liked the Charlie Brown reference--a perfect comparison. Isn't it amazing how once you begin the process of letting go, it gets easier day by day? You are doing great...you have choices!
hang in there sailorjohn, sounds like you're doing great.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Thank you Sailor J-
Wow. Excellent story and illustration of learning!
Step by step.
You're really gathering all this wisdom - and I'm glad you titled this progress not perfection.
We should all strive for progress. Striving for perfection or thinking we even know what is perfect, is codependency in action!!
Thank You for this! And stay strong - your insights are pretty remarkable and you should trust them!
Peace,
B.
Wow. Excellent story and illustration of learning!
Step by step.
You're really gathering all this wisdom - and I'm glad you titled this progress not perfection.
We should all strive for progress. Striving for perfection or thinking we even know what is perfect, is codependency in action!!
Thank You for this! And stay strong - your insights are pretty remarkable and you should trust them!
Peace,
B.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
That's right you are getting it SailorJohn. It is progress not perfection.
Ngaire
Ngaire
Originally Posted by sailorjohn
The abpexgf calls yesterday am, wakes me up, I probably should have been up and alert, but I wasn't. First mistake, though I was half awake, was picking up. Second mistake, worse yet, she hung up after maybe 4 rings, and I called her back.
She's on about borrowing a rototiller, I had promised her earlier-a while back-that she could, apologizes for waking me up, very brief, oh so foamy rant about "not wanting to talk to me, not wanting to be friends". I agree to let her borrow the rototiller, she tells me she'll call back Sunday, around 11 am so she doesn't wake me up.
As soon as I hang up, I start thinking, why did I do that? Why didn't I just tell her that yeah, I don't want to see you or talk to you, and I wouldn't call anyone a friend and allow them to treat me the way you did. Too late, she probably won't answer if I do call her back.
So I get up early today, to watch an F1 race and take care of my business, 11 am comes and goes, I'm doing the chores, take a shower, sit for 20 odd minutes, 1145 comes and I'm out the door, going to visit Mom in the hospital. No call!!!!
On the way up to the hospital, had the thought about an avatar I've seen here, Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown at the last minute, Charlie takes a tumble, he falls for this every time. Except in my case, Lucy's football wasn't filled it air, it was filled with concrete, and if I had made contact it definitely would have left a mark.
On the way home, was struck by the thought that last year at this time, I would have been calling frantically, 'are you all right' and all that other sick stuff. If she calls back sometime in the future, or tries to contact me I can simply ignore it, or just tell her, yes, you are not my friend, and no, I do not want to talk to you.
:codiepolice:
She's on about borrowing a rototiller, I had promised her earlier-a while back-that she could, apologizes for waking me up, very brief, oh so foamy rant about "not wanting to talk to me, not wanting to be friends". I agree to let her borrow the rototiller, she tells me she'll call back Sunday, around 11 am so she doesn't wake me up.
As soon as I hang up, I start thinking, why did I do that? Why didn't I just tell her that yeah, I don't want to see you or talk to you, and I wouldn't call anyone a friend and allow them to treat me the way you did. Too late, she probably won't answer if I do call her back.
So I get up early today, to watch an F1 race and take care of my business, 11 am comes and goes, I'm doing the chores, take a shower, sit for 20 odd minutes, 1145 comes and I'm out the door, going to visit Mom in the hospital. No call!!!!
On the way up to the hospital, had the thought about an avatar I've seen here, Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown at the last minute, Charlie takes a tumble, he falls for this every time. Except in my case, Lucy's football wasn't filled it air, it was filled with concrete, and if I had made contact it definitely would have left a mark.
On the way home, was struck by the thought that last year at this time, I would have been calling frantically, 'are you all right' and all that other sick stuff. If she calls back sometime in the future, or tries to contact me I can simply ignore it, or just tell her, yes, you are not my friend, and no, I do not want to talk to you.
:codiepolice:
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