AH in my medicine drawer?

Old 04-03-2008, 11:10 PM
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AH in my medicine drawer?

I haven't posted an update on here in a long while. My AH has been in recovery for about 5 months. He's made some changes in his life--he's gotten out of old using situations, gotten away from certain "friends," reconnected with old friends, etc. His DOC was codeine. I've been doing o.k., although I worry way too much about things going back to the way they were. I know that I have a huge tendency to try to control him, tell him how he should do things, etc. Anyway, last night I noticed that he seemed to be in my drawer where my medicine is. So, tonight when he had disappeared to the back, I quietly walked in, and once again he was looking through my medicine. I don't have any codeine, but I think he was looking for my Xanax. He likes to take it sometimes to help himself sleep. He claimed that he was looking for his own medicine (why would it be in my drawer)? He got mad when I said that he was going through my medicine. He said, "You're not going to bring up that medicine thing again?" He said he was tired of me bringing that up. He said if I was worried, I should hide my medicine, and why don't I count it?

Anyway, all this brings back all those old feelings. I felt my heart rate speed up, etc. I have a tendency to make something out of nothing sometimes (a creative imagination). However, I really think that he was going in there to take one of my Xanax. He knows that I don't like him to take my medicine. He knows that if he brought it up, I'd probably get "weird" about it. In general, he has a tendency to want to avoid conflict.

I don't think that he is back on codeine. However, I hate this dishonesty, I hate the sneaking around, and as you can imagine, it makes me nervous about what else is going on.
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Old 04-04-2008, 01:09 AM
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I would suggest, that if it will make you feel more comfortable, go ahead and lock up your meds.

He may not use anything you are taking, but could sell on the street to get what he wants.

I personally, when I have sponsees coming over, make sure that my meds are locked up. I do have some that would sell well on the street and/or could be used by a sponsee if the sponsee was so inclined. I am a recovering alkie for many years now and almost as long in Alanon.

I take care of ME today. I cannot worry or look after the alkies and/or addicts in my life, however, I can prevent them 'using' me to get to their DOC.

Your choice.

J M H O

Love and hugs,
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Old 04-04-2008, 05:38 AM
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what makes you feel safe? what gives you peace of mind? everytime he goes to the area in the house where your meds are do you worry about if he is "looking"?

This is what was happening with me - so I put it thru some Al-Anon steps - I am powerless over HIS actions - I can ask my HP for the Serenity to accept that, but I can also ask for the courage to change the things I can- so what can I change about this?

I can put the meds where they are unavailable to anyone other than me. However I choose to do that. I refuse to defend my actions - I tell the A's in my life - "it's not about you - it's about what makes ME feel more serene."

It has taken me some work and support from my recovery friends to be able to do this - but it does help ME feel calmer and more at peace - hope you are able to find what works for you in your situation.

Wishing You Serenity & Joy,
Rita
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Old 04-04-2008, 06:24 AM
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Hi Bluebelle. It's a great idea to lock up the meds. I used to steal pills from my mom :-( . I just couldn't help myself. The addiction, the pull - was just too great to have something so tempting laying around in front of me. I wasn't even a pill addict, I was a coke addict, but we addicts have a tendency to use anything when we need to escape reality. It's called substitution. If we can't get our hands on our drug of choice, we'll take whatever we can. I just can't be trusted. I can't even trust myself. I appreciate the help my family gives me by not putting their meds in a place that I can reach them. Out of site, out of mind so to speak. It's embarrassing but true.

That's really great that your husband was able to quit using codeine but if he is taking pills that aren't prescribed to him or taking the ones that are prescribed to him in a way that is abusive, he's still in active addiction. That may be ok for you. But I just wanted to put that out there. And if he's not in a recovery program or seeing a drug counselor or something, then I think you are smart to be worried about relapse. However, you can't stop him from relapse. You can draw good boundaries, and prepare yourself mental emotionally and financially for one and then put it in Gods hands and let go.
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Old 04-04-2008, 07:12 AM
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I have mixed feelings about the locking up the medicine idea.

On the one hand, if my spouse was on Xanax that she kept locked and I really wanted some, a lock would not stop me. I would find the keys, or something.

On the other hand, having peace of mind is important for me too. So I can appreciate the idea as well.

From what I've read, sounds like the problem is honesty. A lock wouldn't make me want to be more honest.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope things work for you. I can't imagine what it would be like to live with a dishonest spouse (*someone like I used to be*).
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Old 04-04-2008, 10:41 AM
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Thanks for your responses. We've been through this before--several times while he's be in "recovery." He says that he sometimes likes to switch what he takes to sleep. He is on a benzo for sleep. He's like to take something else once in awhile to sleep. At least that's what he says. The bottom line is that I don't want him taking medicine from me. He knows that's how I feel. So, why does he keep doing it? I guess I might lock up the medicine. I hate to have to do that. I don't know whether or not I should confront him about it again. I guess it probably wouldn't do any good. He'd get mad & deny it. He'd say that we keep arguing about the same thing (well, yeah, he keeps doing the same thing). He did have a counselor, but we have moved to another state. So, he doesn't have a counselor in this new place. I don't know whether I should try to encourage him to seek counseling here, or if I should just butt out.
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Old 04-04-2008, 10:49 AM
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Your bottom line is that you don't want him taking your medicine. So stick to your bottom line, lock it up count it, do what ever is going to give YOU peace of mind.

No need to tell him or make a big deal about it, he'll discover soon enough when he goes snoopying and doesn't find what he was looking for.
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Old 04-04-2008, 04:50 PM
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Thank you so much. You are right. It is worth my piece of mind to lock it up. I already have in my mind that if I ever need something with codeine, I will lock it up. Even though the Xanax isn't his DOC, it's still a pill. I've had this argument with him about 3 times now. It's not worth any more arguments, & any more stress by me. I'm glad that I didn't bring it up again, because what would be the point of that?
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Old 04-04-2008, 06:06 PM
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he took my medication all the time, that i stopped taking it, so he could not steal it from me.
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Old 04-04-2008, 06:12 PM
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Xanax is very addictive, just like the codeine so theres a really good chance thats what he was doing................

also this may have been said already ( I didnt read all the replies) but you discounted your thoughts .......saying something like you tend to make something out of nothing and creative imagination

well from MY experience its not our imagination. I use to think sometimes that I was just crazy or making something out of nothing.................BUT in time I found that if I trust my gut I am always right!!!!! those feelings and suspicions dont just come out of nowhere...............at least they never did for me
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Old 04-04-2008, 07:10 PM
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Hi. I have to agree with liesagain...whenever I have suspected something with my AH, it has always turned out to be true. I have wished that I was wrong so many times, but with an addict that's just not usually the case.
Has he been going to meetings regularly?
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Old 04-04-2008, 07:40 PM
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No, he's never been into meetings. He was seeing a drug counselor regularly (starting at twice a week) when he first got off the codeine. We moved, so he doesn't have a counselor here. I'm not sure whether or not I should suggest that he see a counselor. He'd probably not be glad to hear that.
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Old 04-04-2008, 07:46 PM
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Probably not. I just asked because my experience with my AH whose current DOC is whatever pain killer he can get his hands on, is that the more he works on his recovery (he used to do NA) the better he was all around. When he slacked off, that's when problems started. We are know in a downward spiral that has lasted on and off for a few years now.

Just "food for thought". Take care.
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Old 04-04-2008, 10:41 PM
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Thanks! Yeah, I think that looking through someone's medicine drawer is a bad sign. I would hope that he would recognize his behavior as being unhealthy, and see that he made need more help. He's been doing well in a lot of other areas. He's changed a lot of things in his life because of the stuff that he learned from the counselor. But, you know how it is, he hates to admit that he needs help or that he can't do it on his own. He didn't go to the substance abuse counselor until he realized that he was at his rock bottom. I just need to work on getting a job so that I will be financially independent in case things get bad again.
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Old 04-05-2008, 01:44 AM
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If a person is living with an active addict, or an addict they suspect is active, it is only good sense to lockup or hide any medications, valuables, banks cards and checks, and anything else that might be taken that would have an impact on US.

It's sad to have to do this but it's sadder to wake up one day and find your bank account emptied or your much needed medications missing.

Sleeping with my car keys was the final straw that made me wonder what I was doing with an active addict in the house.

Just my experience, hope it helps you.

Hugs
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Old 04-05-2008, 07:22 AM
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As a recovering addict, the fact that he is taking anything that isn't prescribed for him, says he's not doing very well at recovery.

My stepmom has vicodin and xanax all the time. I used to abuse these drugs, but later became addicted to crack. Now, I won't take anything that isn't prescribed to me, and my doctor knows I'm an addict. I won't say that it isn't tempting, at times, when my stepmom offers me one of her pills if my back is hurting, or I can't sleep, but I won't take anything and told her to stop offering them.

This is just my opinion, but I think he's still looking for a pill to make him feel better....and that's not recovery. Another thing, several addicts will abuse anything in pill form...even over-the-counter stuff.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 04-05-2008, 09:42 AM
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sounds like a relapse in the making to me. go with the gut feeling. lock up the pills, but i bet he's able to find them.
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Old 04-05-2008, 09:15 PM
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He still claims that he wasn't looking for any pills--that he was in there looking for his own medicine (Klonipin). This afternoon I strained a muscle in my leg, so he had to spend the rest of the day taking care of me. I guess that will get me to focus on me and what I need! I'm very frustrated, & hope I am up & about soon.
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Old 04-05-2008, 10:15 PM
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((((bluebelle))))
Wishing you all the best. Keep your eyes and ears open for what you "know" and keep taking care of yourself!
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