BayAreaPhoenix

I'm doing pretty good since last I wrote. So far I haven't had to be mean, but I have been confused - so we know what that means! Lots of round the world double-talk.

I made a "form" for him to fill in. I'm bringing it home tonight, along with my preapproval letter from my lender. He says he's been very clear about what he's offering ($ house buy-out), but his version of clear and mine are apparently 2 different things. I have made a form with blanks - offer amount, amount to paid off of X number of mos., etc. Also clearly on there says no final agreement until preapproval letter provided from lender. This is not to say I accept the terms or what he's offering, I just want to know what he is actually offering. Yes, he can do this, but we are not moving forward so this is for me now. He is so upset that I won't tell him if I accept what he's offered, etc. He wants his answer NOW! I haven't budged about rushing in or anything, but I do feel bad for him in a way (not in a codie way), he cannot seem to just do this right and to me seems almost frightened. He wants what he wants, and he wants it now, and he says he can't do this anymore and yet he won't provide information that will let me know just what it is we're dealing with.

Has anyone else experienced so much confusion trying to get "real" information from a soon to be ex to settle things up in the "real" world? My lender just can't understand why we don't go to a mediator - I can't get him to one, yet. Next step I will make the appt. and all that, but I have no idea if he'll show. Not my problem, but we have to get this settled and I'm hoping he starts cooperating, and it's not that he's not exactly cooperating, he just is being very immature? Is that the word?

Anyhow, I'm trying to stay out of the confusion - I've got my cookies and ducks in a row - paperwork filled out, credit checked, preapprovals, savings locked, etc. That's all I can do.

Before anyone asks the obvious - no he doesn't have an atty. I don't know why. He keeps threatening or promising (take your pick) and I keep telling him he should. Not sure what that's about either.

denny57

There is no mediation with an active alcoholic.

Yes, I have experienced insanity. AH is now taking me to court Friday to have them order me to pay HIS income taxes. Tonight I'm heading out with friends for dinner. I no longer get upset by this stuff.

It doesn't matter if he has an attorney; what matters IMO is that you take care of yourself. Have you checked that any form he signs will be legally binding?

Barbara52

Yup, sounds like my STBXAH. I've been telling him since I left 8 months ago that the house had to be put up for sale, fixed up and that if not, he'll lose everything to foreclosure. It only took him 5 months to agree to sell the house. Its only taken another 2 months for him to start getting the house in "for sale" condition. ANd still has stuff everywhere in the house so that it jsut doesn't say "buy me" to anyone walking in. Its was only a couple of days ago that he finally accepted foreclosure is a very real possibility when I told him that the lender refused to approve a pre-foreclosure sale. For him, that woul dmena living on the streets 'cause he's still unemployed and has no where to go.

I put everything I need to communicate to him regarding the house in writing in emails (which he ususally ignores). My attorney will be the one to get him to sign the settlement agreement. AH doesn't need an attorney of course 'cause he's smarter than everybody else.

prodigal

They don't listen. They have all the answers. Been there, done that. I am still the "proud" (yeah, right ...) co-owner of a 1996 34-foot motorhome that is now parked in front of my house. I am still the "proud" owner of a 2005 revved-up, high-powered Sea Doo jetski that is parked in my garage. That's right. The Sea Doo is parked in my garage; not MY car.

If we sold these two worthless toys, we could expunge a great deal of our credit card debt. But why do that? It would actually make sense!

I said to heck with it and quit letting it eat at me. Trying to deal with an A, particularly when it comes to business affairs, is akin to dragging a dead whale across the sand ... JMO.

BayAreaPhoenix

Thanks - good to know I'm not the only one.

I hear what you're saying, I won't be making him a responsible citizen, I guess the best I might get is a look at what he thinks on paper. Listening to him is enough to make my head spin, hoping the written word is not quite as bemusing!

daisies

I am also trying to get things settled and split up fairly with my AH. It is taking forever because what he thinks is fair and what I think is fair is different. Really????? Imagine that. Trying to reason with an alcoholic???? WTF am I thinking????? I was really frustrated for a long time but I have become more like denny and prodigal. It doesnt bother me as much as it used to even though the alcoholic person that he is (Mr Selfish) is going after my retirement even though he has his own. I believe he is doing it to get a rise out of me. I refuse. This will all pass someday.

Keep your head up and keep smiling.