hbb

Hi all!

So I joined Match about 3 weeks ago and I've been lurking and seeing what's going on out there as I've been so reluctant to do it. I initially was giving myself till June but had a moment of happiness a few weeks back and just did the one month. So I've been talking to this guy and other's have written to me but I see red flags and such with them, but not him.

This one guy wrote to me a few weeks ago, i think i mentioned him before. Well anyways, we had emailed back and forth for a while and last week he called and we ended up talking for an hour and a half. Then we emailed a few more times and he called me on Sunday for 2 hours. We made plans to go out for dinner this Thursday which I'm very excited about!!!

Here's my question, and i asked my therapist, emails and conversations have gone very well like I've known him for years and was this normal and how it SHOULD be with someone!! She said yes, I'm just not used to that sort of kind treatment

Anyways, i have my guard up, have been listening to every detail and looking for red flags. I'm not being naive or careless but i truly have to say that I've never had so much in common or had better conversation with ANYONE, not even a friend. Our profiles matched 100% according to how the site works and it's weird because i feel like I've known him forever!! But at the same time certainly not jumping in with two feet, one toe at a time. It's easy to get excited though....

I know no one knows as they have never me and i have yet to meet him but i just want to jump for joy that even if nothing comes after the date, that there are guys out there that actually have a pulse and want to engage in conversation and life

I don't even really know why i created this but just curious i guess as i know so many went on to date after their A's and wondering how it went!

Thanks!

NYC_Chick

I think that's great news! We expect an update on Friday!!!

Barbara52

Its possible he's for real. Its also possible he's presenting himself as someone he is not. Only time will tell. Have fun.

jehnifer

That sounds so exciting! enjoy yourself and getting to know someone new. This will be a very good experience for you. I believe that there is a courting stage (old fashioned word I know) where people are on their best behavior for the other person. Then when real life experiences happen you see more of the layers. He isn't seeing everything about you from these conversations either, right? It takes a good while to really get to know a person. Most important: Have FUN.

LaTeeDa

My thoughts exactly. I know for me the red flags didn't start to show until after a few dates. And then, it took some time for me to actually SEE them. I wanted to look right past them, you know?

Just take it nice and slow. I tried to look at it this way--hopefully, I would end up with a new friend. I had no expectations beyond that, so I wasn't disappointed.

L

best

Excited can get in the way of seeing red flags.
I can talk a good talk and I do listen good but I am human and have my own issues that you may not agree with or like.
No one is perfect but some one may be more in line with what you are willing to accept.
Make 2 lists...
List one (5 things) that the other person must have as a minimum requirement for a future with you.
List two (5 things) that a person must not have AT ALL for a future with you.
Most important... remember "YOU" are worth the best that is available. Don't settle for anything less. If even one of the things on the No list is there...one is enough.
Wise words I heard before... Be careful who you date because you never know who you may fall in love with.

Heather
I hope that this is the person you deserve and that things work out great for you.
You are worth only the best.

hbb

You guys are so awesome! Your all exactly right. If nothing else, i maybe made a new friend. I'm getting confident that being by myself isn't so bad as i'm smiling and much happier.

I will try my hardest not to deny ANY red flags. I knew in my gut in the past that the red flags were there but i completely ignored them thinking it was my last chance with someone. I am no longer that person (I hope)!!!!

But i sometimes know me and i can also easily get sucked in! I like the list idea too and the friend theory for sure

lexusgirl

This is something my therapist and I talked about; the "honeymoon stage." Everyone is on their best behavior. I would have to say I didn't notice the red flags with xabf until 4 months later. I was so destined to "be happy" I think I ignored them subconsciously.

At first I thought xabf and I were soul mates as we had soooo much in common. I had felt like I knew him forever. Talking to him in the beginning was so easy. We had so much fun together. And then boom, one day the fun was over and the bad behavior came into play.

I am absolutely terrified to date again.

I think you're playing it smart Heather, so important watching out for those red flags, and no matter how nice he is, if there are red flags, don't ignore them.

Mair

Heather, how exciting, just take it nice and sloooowwww.

Mair xx

hbb

haha! Red flag, what's that!!

Oh believe you me, i take you guys EVERYWHERE! I think i may be seeing red flags that aren't there but anticipating them ahead of time lol!!!!! No, but seriously, i do think about what you guys would say to me because my friends and family aren't as familiar in this specific situation with alcoholism.

DESIGNER

Go and have fun girl with a new guy. Remember that not every guy out there is going to have the issues that most of our guys on here had. It is scary to get excited about things but if you don't take risk in life you will never ever know what could have happened.

Keep a look out for the signs but remember don't tear the guy apart.....we all have our issues.

I am excited that you actually found someone that you connected with so well.....I am going to start eharmony in a few months.....not exactly ready yet but hopefully will be soon.

Make sure you update us on friday!!!

denny57

What matters to me is whether I still have my same issues.

Have fun, Heather.

hbb

I talked about that today, regarding my issues with my therapist. I said that i DON'T want to fall backwards to that same person i was that lost herself in a relationship in fear that they will leave.

I'm hoping i'm not and will not be that person ever again with anyone.

Kindeyes

I met my current husband (that sounds strange...current husband....as if there are more to come or something) after a rough divorce from my addicted ex. He (my husband) was a blind date arranged by a mutual friend. We've been married now for 23 years.

There is life after having a relationship with an alcoholic/addict. Caution is good but I hope you will remain open minded and that something magic happens!

hugs

hbb

Ok, so tonights the night and i've been fine until a friend of mine asked if i was nervous, i said NO and she said "your not nervous, oh i would be wicked nervous". NOW I'M NERVOUS!!!!

I keep telling myself, no one died from a date lol!!!!

splendra

To me this is a very big red flag. Usually someone that I feel like I have known forever has all the stuff to later make me totally insane...

hbb

I know what you mean, i just meant it was comfortable talking to him and not akward.....there was no wondering what to talk about next type of conversation.

denny57

It's a date. A date. A date.

Try that LOL!

hbb

A date, nothing more, i know....not a big deal at all.

best

I am only 30 minutes or less away. You have freinds even closer then that.
All of us will be with you tonight as well. We will fill your thoughts and keep you company. Yes if you go to kiss him...you can tell us all to close our eyes *LOL*
But a second kiss and I will be there saying...first date give it a wait.
*LOL*
Yup I am old fashion.