Binges and Pushing Us Away
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 53
Binges and Pushing Us Away
my A and i of two + years, have had the typical rollercoaster relationship.
he smoked pot all the time, i didnt ever try to stop him.
but every few months or so, he would create a fight...we would split..i would think it was because of "relationship" issues...
but now, looking at the overall pattern, and we are apart now for the longest split ever , i cant help but feel that this is just a bigger binge...
as the disease progresses and takes over, he is getting sicker and the addictions grip is getting stronger on him.
he would always come back after a while...remorseful and shameful..
yet after months again of calmness, it was a feeling i got he was whiteknuckling it and restraining himself while i was around.
my question is..
when they push us away...is it often just so they can go and binge ..bigger and longer each time.
and its not about us??
its about them wanting and needing to be alone with the disease and do it to the max?
i know of an A , famous, who would take his wife on tour with him...and then when he wanted really get into whatever, he would send the wife home.
he wanted the space to binge to his hearts content...
anyway..my gut tells me this is whats going on..
THE ADDICTION WANTS ME OUT OF THE WAY..OUT OF ITS PATH SO IT CAN RUN RAMPANT.
ITS THE DISEASE AND THE PROGRESSION.
thanks!
he smoked pot all the time, i didnt ever try to stop him.
but every few months or so, he would create a fight...we would split..i would think it was because of "relationship" issues...
but now, looking at the overall pattern, and we are apart now for the longest split ever , i cant help but feel that this is just a bigger binge...
as the disease progresses and takes over, he is getting sicker and the addictions grip is getting stronger on him.
he would always come back after a while...remorseful and shameful..
yet after months again of calmness, it was a feeling i got he was whiteknuckling it and restraining himself while i was around.
my question is..
when they push us away...is it often just so they can go and binge ..bigger and longer each time.
and its not about us??
its about them wanting and needing to be alone with the disease and do it to the max?
i know of an A , famous, who would take his wife on tour with him...and then when he wanted really get into whatever, he would send the wife home.
he wanted the space to binge to his hearts content...
anyway..my gut tells me this is whats going on..
THE ADDICTION WANTS ME OUT OF THE WAY..OUT OF ITS PATH SO IT CAN RUN RAMPANT.
ITS THE DISEASE AND THE PROGRESSION.
thanks!
Last edited by KMMK; 04-01-2008 at 07:26 AM.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 69
Typical rollercoaster relationship??? I guess that's what I am going through. Me and my A have been seeing each other for 4 years now. My A also smokes pot all the time. I just went to see him after 1 1/2 years and we had a great time but he wanted me to leave a day earlier than I planned on (we live 6 hours apart in different states). I asked him what he had to do he said nothing but still couldnt explain why he wanted me to leave. Well, I told him I was going to see a friend and was going to hang out with her for awhile bc I didnt want to leave yet. He told me to call him later but I never did. That day, the day he wanted me to leave he called 5x to see what I was doing?? I never answered. He wanted me to leave but yet still kept calling me bc he thought I was still in town. WHY??????????? They want you to leave but they want to see you to? I am confused. I really hope someone answers this for us?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 53
ITS SIMPLE..
THEY WANT US..
BUT THE ADDICTION/ DISEASE WANTS US OUT OF THE WAY..SO THEY CAN DO WHATEVER TO THE MAX..
i cant tell you how long i took this as a relationship issue / problem..
intimacy issues..as something "personal " about me.
now i know..its the disease, the need to go full throttle, no holds barred...
no distractions, no interruptions.no having to interact....NO RESTRAINT..
at first the "seperations' were weeks...now its months.
Know that its not about you ..
he wants to be alone with his mistress pot too.
sure he wants you too..but he also wants to be left alone.
so they take us down off the shelf and put us back up on the shelf..
come close/ go away.
push / pull.
My As distancing "line" or should i say "script" was need "space" and time apart..
Translation:
i need to be left alone to get HIGH.
thats why its called a rollercoaster! ups and downs.
just like that rocknroller i mentioned..
when he wanted his wife around he had her around and when he wanted to do his thing, full throttle...he sent her home.
its no different for us.
knowing this has helped me...and i hope it helps you too.
THEY WANT US..
BUT THE ADDICTION/ DISEASE WANTS US OUT OF THE WAY..SO THEY CAN DO WHATEVER TO THE MAX..
i cant tell you how long i took this as a relationship issue / problem..
intimacy issues..as something "personal " about me.
now i know..its the disease, the need to go full throttle, no holds barred...
no distractions, no interruptions.no having to interact....NO RESTRAINT..
at first the "seperations' were weeks...now its months.
Know that its not about you ..
he wants to be alone with his mistress pot too.
sure he wants you too..but he also wants to be left alone.
so they take us down off the shelf and put us back up on the shelf..
come close/ go away.
push / pull.
My As distancing "line" or should i say "script" was need "space" and time apart..
Translation:
i need to be left alone to get HIGH.
thats why its called a rollercoaster! ups and downs.
just like that rocknroller i mentioned..
when he wanted his wife around he had her around and when he wanted to do his thing, full throttle...he sent her home.
its no different for us.
knowing this has helped me...and i hope it helps you too.
turning red!
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: hong kong
Posts: 254
Hi KMMK,
Thanks for your message
indeed addiction is progressive...and that's probably what's been going on with your relationship. Nothing personal, just the pot or whatever he is taking being stronger than you right now.
To answer your question about pushing you away so he can binge..I guess it's very possible, it's so much easier to use and "be free" when the gf is not around.
My bf never did that though. When we eventually split up after 6 years, it was me who kicked him out cos i couldn't handle the craziness anymore.
Now, as you know, we're back and it's still roller coaster -but in different ways.
Anyway, i hope things get better for you & that your bf gets help one way or the other.
take care
xo
Carine
Thanks for your message
indeed addiction is progressive...and that's probably what's been going on with your relationship. Nothing personal, just the pot or whatever he is taking being stronger than you right now.
To answer your question about pushing you away so he can binge..I guess it's very possible, it's so much easier to use and "be free" when the gf is not around.
My bf never did that though. When we eventually split up after 6 years, it was me who kicked him out cos i couldn't handle the craziness anymore.
Now, as you know, we're back and it's still roller coaster -but in different ways.
Anyway, i hope things get better for you & that your bf gets help one way or the other.
take care
xo
Carine
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
