Ann

Experiment

Experiment. Try something new. Try stepping out.

We have been held back too long. We have held ourselves back too long.

As children, many of us were deprived of the right to experiment. Many of us are depriving ourselves of the right to experiment and learn as adults.

Now is the time to experiment. It is an important part of recovery. Let yourself try things. Let yourself try something new. Yes, you will make mistakes. But from those mistakes, you can learn what your values are.

Some things we just won't like. That's good. Then we'll know a little more about who we are and what we don't like.

Some things we will like, they will work with our values. They will work with who we are, and we will discover something important and life enriching.

There is a quiet time in recovery, a time to stand still and heal, a time to give ourselves a cooling off time. This is a time of introspection and healing. It is an important time. We deal with our issues.

There also comes a time when it is equally important to experiment, to begin to test the water.

Recovery does not equal abstention from life. Recovery means learning to live and learning to live fully. Recovery means exploration, investigation, and experimentation.

Recovery means being done with the rigid, shame-based rules from the past, and formulating healthy values based on self-love, love for others, and living in harmony with this world.

Experiment. Try something new. Maybe you won't like it. Maybe you'll make a mistake. But maybe you will like it, and maybe you'll discover something you love.

Today, I will give myself permission to experiment in life. I will stop rigidly holding myself back, and I will jump in when jumping in feels right. God, help me let go of my need to deprive myself of being alive.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

CatsPajamas

This is a good reading, Ann. I remember when I was new in my recovery, my angel sponsor encouraged me to learn more about myself. She challenged me to take myself to the movies. Something I knew I would enjoy. That was SOOOOO hard! You see, as a card carrying codie, I didn't know what I liked. I knew what HE liked and what THEY liked but I had no idea about myself. Learning about me became an assignment and an experiment. I tried on new behaviors, likes and dislikes as some people try on new shoes. I would walk around a bit with a new behavior and see how it fit me. The ones that I liked I kept, and the ones I didn't care for I put away for awhile to try again later.

Experimenting is good ~ as long as it's kept in balance.

Hugs
Cats

Ann

Our sponsors must have been related, Cats, because mine also recognized that I needed to explore my own dreams...who knew I had any dreams that were just for me?

I discovered hobby photography, which keeps me from isolating even when my husband travels and gets me out into nature. Who knew I would love it so much?

This led to themes, and more interests. Lighthouses in my area that I studied and photographed; waterfalls, each one different and taking me through unique nature trails to find; and most recently...haunted places. I am researching haunted places to photograph sometime this summer.

It was as if when I uncapped those bottled-up dreams, they just flowed out and have brought me countless days of enjoyment, fun and discovery...discovery about myself as well as the things I photograph.

I was over 50 years old before I knew who I was and what I wanted, but now that I know that stranger called "me", there is no stopping me, no end to my enthusiasm for life, nature and beauty. It's going to take me the next 50 years just to catch up

Hugs

imallright

The two of you are awesome and inspiring. For years I have had no answers when someone asked what do YOU think is fun? What would YOU like to do? I knew exactly what other liked to do, but literally my answer was "I don't know, I can't remeber the last time I had fun." My Mom, who by the way is the most incredible, loving, FUN person in the world, said to me, "you have lost yourself. You need to figure out what YOU want, get YOU back" For the longest time, I had no idea what she was talking about. I used to think, "you are looking at me. what in the world are you talking about. This is my life." But, then, somehow, someway the light started to dawn. I started to realize, somehow that I wasn't living and I better catch up.

I love horses and so I decided to return to riding. Of course it helped that my daughter wanted to do this... "it's ok to do this, because she wants to. It's for her, not for me". This step, even though I didn't totally think it was for me, was HUGE. I had become very good isolating. I was ashamed of myself and I didn't want people to know the reality of my life. These steps back to the barn and into a saddle were lifesaving for me. I mean it. I had the comfort and the physical work of the horses, some place to go, some place that was safe and where I could be who I wanted to be. Where I could be me. I started to learn new things, make friends and started to enjoy life again.

These relationships (mostly with the horses! and some fine people who I have mostly spent time watching and listening to) have been so eye-opening. Everything that has happened (good and bad) through the whole horse part of my life has taught me how to be me. It has encouraged me to take steps, try something new and find out who I am.

I am still the same person who gets scared and thinks she is on a roller coaster... but I am finding a bit more joy in life. I think I am finally starting to understand that I WAS lost and I am starting to find my way. Thank you Ann and Cats... your posts always help me to focus and think forward and not to let the roller coaster kill me! HUGS!!