cece

Tonight, I sit reading posts and answering as a parent. But tonight I also am dealing with a Non-Addict husband ( whom I am separated from), who is an emotional cripple, whom I often deal with the same way as my son:Very co-dependently.
But not tonight.
Tonight, I focused on me and my (very basic) needs. Didn't focus on fixing his emotional issues. Gave it back to him and his Higher Power
I came away feeling sad, disappointed, but strong and okay.
He might not get his issues figured out.
We might not make it.
But tonight, I am okay.
Tomorrow I could be fighting self-worth issues but tonight I did the "the next needed thing" which was letting him know he needs to figure himself out on his own. and tonight I am okay with that.
Once I had a counselor say if I had picked a Co-Dependant partner I wouldn't even know I had these issues. we would have spent our days focused on meeting each others needs. Hmmmm. not sure if it works that way.
Probably wouldn't be attracted to a fellow Codie right?

(Well, having someone focused on me for a change would be nice!!!)

Well here's to recovery!!!!
One Day at A Time
Cathy

sailorjohn

No, I'm not sure it works that way either. As a recovering addict and codependent, I can catch myself switching roles quite easily from the giver to the taker. These days I'd prefer not to be either, thank you very much. What they have told me is that as I get healthier I will start attracting and be attracted to healthy individuals.

BayAreaPhoenix

Good for you Cathy! I know that feeling, feeling good but a bit shakey for doing it! I still feel it, altho it is starting to get a little easier focusing on reality rather than fantasy! Funny, I thought my AH was an emotional cripple the whole time we were married, only found out after the fact he was an A - so I completely understand what you said about dealing with him the same as your son!

Yes, one day at a time! It is amazing what a difference a day makes, I'm glad today was one of those days for you!

((((hugs))))

CatsPajamas

Making healthy choices for ourselves is new for many of us. What I have learned is that everything happens one day at a time, one step at a time. What a terrific step for you - to let go of those things that aren't yours to handle and to take care of yourself!

I like what your counselor said about codie-codie relationships. I think it sounds healthy as long as it's not taken to extreme. I, of course, can ONLY do things to the extreme...although I'm getting better .

Hugs

Cats

mooselips

Cece,
"Tonight, I focused on me and my (very basic) needs. Didn't focus on fixing his emotional issues. Gave it back to him and his Higher Power
I came away feeling sad, disappointed, but strong and okay."

It is absolutely wonderful to see recovery working it's fine machinery in our everyday affairs. For example, you're detachment and having the feelings and knowledge of what exactly to do in a threatening (to your health) relationship.


If everyone could attend meetings, and get "some" recovery in them, oh how much easier life can be! Even standing in line at the grocery store doesn't have the same nerve shattering consequences for me anymore, when I apply the steps.

It's not just a program to lesson the pain of associating with addicts, it's a "Life" commitment, and it sure makes most issues easier to life with!

Good for you, you're recovery is shining!

grateful2b

CeCe.....:ghug3...
good for you for doing the brave thing
and for loving you.....