DefofLov

Once in a blue moon I pop in and update you guys on myself. Here are some of my past posts to refresh your memories:

Do I have to go Back for More?

To My Alcoholic Mother

Maybe I will Always Feel this Emptiness

And I was doing so good

I think that will give you a gist of what I have struggled with. I am happy to report a few wonderful breakthroughs.

Number 1.) Me and my mom have an awesome relationship. She still smokes and drinks. She is still the same person. But I have learn to simply live and let live. I love her for who she is and I understand that only she can change herself. I even realize that as long as there is breath in her body she just might change. Yet and still, only she can do that.

Number 2.) I do not do holidays if I don't want to and my family knows. They don't even bother calling me for their gatherings and they assume I am not coming over for the major holidays. When I do show up they are happy to see me and glad that I came out.

Number 3.) I have come to realize that it will take a long, long time before I am 'cured.' I noticed in the past that whenever I was doing great and progressing, something would happen and then I would feel defeated. I would feel like a failure. Bad news, suffering, difficult times is not a sign of failure...it is a sign that you are still alive. Suffering and bad times is just a part of life. Everyone goes through it. Even the wealthy. There is nothing unique about me having a hard time. I am not alone in my suffering and troubles don't last always. So, when I hit a snag, I remember this and I don't allow myself to wallow in self pity (for too long anyways. *wink*)

Number 4.) As the Dalai Lama says, 'Who knows why people do what they do. There are 5 billion people in the world with 5 billion brains. It is virtually impossible to figure why people do the things they do.' Aha! What an eyeopener. I mean, how true is that!? I have a hard enough time trying to figure out why I do what I do-I will drive myself crazy trying to figure out why my family is the way it is...think I will just focus on my silly behind self! So, these days I constantly remind myself not to assess, analyze, criticize, estimate, guesstimate, describe, prescribe, or decide on anyone else's lives. Acceptance and tolerance can lead to great peace!

Number 5.) Rome was not built in a day!!!!! I handle my internal issues one thing at a time. I handle my external issues (finances, school, work) one issue at a time. I understand I wont wake up tomorrow exactly in that place that I want to be. Know why? Because progress takes time. This means I must have a lot of patience with myself. Wow! Who knew? (I didn't know for a long time...)

AND most importantly...I have come to realize that I have been working the 12 Step program without even realizing it. How cool is that? So, I wanted to update you all. Believe it or not, I think about this forum regularly and remember how helpful and loving everyone has been. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I will try and visit more often. And I hope someone remembers me! *big smiles and hugs*

Love,

~Def

FormerDoormat

I remember you. It's good to hear from you, especially to hear that you're doing well. Glad to see you'll be popping in more frequently.

DesertEyes

You bet I remember you !!! "Definition of Love", that is the coolest nick ever. Thank you so much for popping in to say hello, and congratulations on all your progress, that's awesome.

Mike