OT "Invisible Moms"

Old 03-28-2008, 06:13 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
PacNorwesterner's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Left Coast
Posts: 161
OT "Invisible Moms"

This is OT, but I did want to share. It's a little long, but well-worth reading!

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa *** laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Carol , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my daughter to tell the friend she's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want her to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to her friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!

Share this with all the Invisible Moms you know .
PacNorwesterner is offline  
Old 03-28-2008, 06:41 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
A work in progress....
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Thanks, that was very good!!
duet_4-8 is offline  
Old 03-28-2008, 09:06 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
On a tear
 
BigSis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Ahhhh.... Thank you, PNWr. I needed this today. (((hugs)))
BigSis is offline  
Old 03-30-2008, 04:19 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Yes, I needed that too. Thank you.
Ann is offline  
Old 03-30-2008, 05:15 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
CatsPajamas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Nice. Very nice.

Hugs from (invisible) mom to mom
CatsPajamas is offline  
Old 03-30-2008, 09:12 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
StrivingToThrive
 
cece's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
Being a Mom.

I thought being invisible was a part of the job description.

Always there to: find/advise/fix/drive/answer/rescue.

no wonder I thought I was my son's HP.

But seriously though, I believe that many things I did out of love were good.
Feeding my family things they love gives me great pleasure even if its not my favorite foods. Giving up my time to watch them do what they do gives me great pleasure even if I had to give up some of my time. even as I did it for them it gave me pleasure also.

Being a parent requires such balance of nurturing and giving of ourselves to those we love; and taking care of ourselves, not losing who we are,and teaching our children that we matter too.

Looking back, I find that when I felt my children were ungrateful and demanding, ( it sadly happened frequently!) I was probably losing myself in their lives and didn't know how to handle that right. I probably didn't have the knowledge of what was really bothering me.

But I don't regret it. I loved being a mom. and still do. just wished I had the skills when they were young that I have now!

Often in a parents post on SR, when their child is deep in their addiction, you can read a parents despair in their loss of a relationship. We can feel that pain as a parent thinks so much is lost. All the past love, nurturing, work that we did to help them grow seems in vain.
But this post reminds me its not lost.

All of that invisible Love: sewing, cooking, handholding, game cheering, homework helping etc. is still there and walking with them. It is there right next to their HP.

every addict who shares on our side tells us that the Love of their parents, even as it seems " invisible" is there inside, talking to them ,when they choose to listen.

i like how you put this PacNor!:ghug
Cathy
cece is offline  
Old 03-30-2008, 01:46 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
itisatruth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Originally Posted by PacNorwesterner View Post
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
What a great way to put it. Sometimes parenthood can seem like a long-term savings account: you put in, you put in......but don't see the dividends right away. What we do as mothers, even though it isn't always obvious, does make a huge difference. So, for all you parents out there......thank you for all you do.

I read this post the other day, but reread it today because its my son's 20th birthday. Sometimes I can't believe how he has matured into such a kind young man. How did that happen?? He moved away to college last year, so I won't be able to see him today, but I called him at midnight last night to say happy birthday. He just laughed at me.

I remember when he started needing me less and doing more for himself. In place of that emptiness I got a friend in return. I miss him so much. I worry about him all the time in a big city. I hope he continues to follow his dreams.


Happy Birthday Son6

Thanks for this post!
itisatruth is offline  
Old 03-31-2008, 05:23 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
hope213's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
thank you for this post. it means a great deal to me. my a.s. is not done with his life. i may not live to see him clean & sober but his life is not finished yet,neither is Gods work.
hope213 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:38 AM.