wooforever

I wondering what do you do when your RA is not using the drugs, but has not changed his life style. Like mine-he says he is not using since Nov 2007, but he has not looked for a job, and is on GA they pay his rent. He was told by the court that he had to get a job, and start paying off his 30K debit to the County and other fines.

I thought when they are in recovery they are told they should not hang out with the same people that they did before they went to rehab. What is it going to take some of the addicts to get it.

His son keeps telling me I am to mean to his father. That he sees him changing and why I cannot see it. He has changed but now he is making the wrong choices sober. I do not want our son to get his hopes up and have the crashed again. He has to deal with both of us using drugs.

I am now 2 years sober.

Ann

Woof, using or not it just is what it is. I think that when they stop drinking we think everything will change. Or we blamed their bad behavior on the drugs and think they'll be better when they get clean.

Sometimes they don't. Sometimes the brain damage done by using takes years to heal and be normal again...and sometimes that just doesn't happen.

I don't remember if you've been to meetings or not, but if not maybe give a few a try. That's what helped me regain my balance and I know it can help you too.

Take care of yourself and your child, and let his HP take care of him.

Hugs

hope213

i have found it that alot of people do not change their ways when they get clean & sober. life is better because they are not blowing the money on drugs. the ones that do not change their ways are the ones usually that do not have a program in their life.that is what the steps are about,learning a new way of life.i hope things get better for you. prayers,

rose

It doesn't just take the drug to have the behaviour, there is so much more to it than just the drugs. We think that if only they would stop using all would be OK....but so much more goes on with the pattern. An addict can still stay in the same frame with or without the drugs.

I have seen my husband well I should be calling him my ex...2 times in the last couple of months, his attitude is still the same....I think he is not using just to prove a point to the family....drugs were not his problem, he can stop anytime, he is not addicted. So he is not using, but he still argues that the world put him in his situation....still defends crack and that we made it more of a problem than what it was....you can sit and listen to him and then when you he takes a breath and you talk he will have nothing to do or even listen to anything...he sits there quite but it is in one ear and out the other. All he is doing is making it OK to pick up again. Defends crack...

He has lost everything....everything! Living on the streets and a place but I know he has to do things to live there...run drugs...make the deals. We think once they are on the streets this has to be rock bottom, but it is funny how they can keep on going.

I knew he was living on the streets, then Thought the next stage is death....he is at his bottom, so I went and found him....well the streets and living here and there is just fine for him, he is living....this is he way of life....not any intention of getting better to get back to his family life....not even a thought in his mind. I am the last thought in his mind and well he might have ahought or care of his son's but his way of life now is 1st.

Here I thought he must be ready to give it up....I have no ide just how the drugs take over.

I have to say, I released myself fromi it and then with cleaning out here the memories just grabbed me so I found him thinking he will see the light...no he likes what he is doing and really wants nothing to do with me. I thought I was his world...I was...but not now.....

It is ok though....I was falling it gave me the ok...no worries, he is Ok and doing what he wants....I know he is not pining or hoping....

They told me at al-anon that they do away


Rose

Miss Pink

sounds like a dry addict, not a recovering addict. There is a difference. Someone who thoroughly works the program experiences spiritual changes that usually result in obvious new and positive behavior.

Doesnt sound thats the case here. Acceptance is the answer, hun.

wooforever

I am trying to let go, it is coming easier and easier. I have been going to meetings, but it is hard to open up. I have been here before and this time I am trying to let my HP take care of things. It is just hard after all the **** we have gone thru for him.

I am going to be making some major choices myself. I have all his stuff in his truck I have been thinking about getting it towed. The agreement was that he would help me look for a car, and he had to fix the car he never had time to before, for me to keep his truck at my place. Since he has not filed his part of the agreement I am forced to get it towed.

wooforever

Well I started trying to get of my exrah's truck. I have contacted the city I life in and told them that the owner left it there when he left. My son and I are doing alot better. I am beginning to walk more and trying to keep busy. I have started reading a book call Women who love too much by Robin Norwood. It is very good so far. It is helping understand why my realsonships are the way they are.

sailorjohn

Just an observation as a recovering addict/alcoholic, I don't have the phone numbers of the folks I used to get my stuff from, for the same reason I don't hang out in bars, there is nothing for me there. I know when I was using, I would always have the numbers of the folks I could get my stuff from.

sailorjohn

Haven't read that one for obvious reasons, you might want to check out the many books that deal with codependency, and they also have Naranon for families of addicts.

wooforever

I am waiting for those books to come in. I plan on getting serious of my own recovery and that means letting go of the past and he is my past and so it that truck that I kept around just so he had a place to keep his stuff. But It has been to long of me letting myself feel like it is all my fault. If I was just a different person, if I only could of changed to make him happy, maybe if I just died he would miss me for once in his life. But you know what that is never going to happen, because I am not happy with what I let go on. I have to love myself and I am trying but as long as I keep letting him back in I will never be happy with myself. I do not want to be alone anymore, and was better then nothing. But guess what I have done well on my own. So I going to begin to help myself.

wooforever

Since I am now on my own-I am doing some soul searching. I have not really been happy since I got really sick and almost died the first time in 1992/1993. I took some medication for a sinus infecation and I was allergic to the medication. I had to leave my job of 15 years, I could not eat, or when I did I got sick, every part of my body hurt, from the muscles to my bones. Before I took this medication I weighted around 130lbs I dropped my weight to 85lbs and loss muscle mass, nerve endings were going bad, i hated the way I looked, I hated everything about me.The doctors still do not know what happened they can explain anything to me. I was like this for 10yrs. But during this time I began to have a eating disorder. I would gain weight and think I was so ugly. I could believe anyone would ever love me looking the way I did. My Ex stuck with me during the worst time off my life. But his cooping with it was to smoke coke. My way of dealing with it to this day is not to. I have told anyone anything that about how it made me feel. Mainly is because the keep telling me it is done and over with stop looking in the past and move on.

wooforever

WEll this weekend was an eye opener for me. I thought I trust him, as a friend.We all have these gut feelings and I followed mine, I checked his coat and guess what I found a meth pipe in his motorcycle jacket. He went to court on Thursday, got pulled over with another drug addict, Cops took his friend and let him go but told him they are watching him and the house where his friend lives. In court they told him he maybe in valation of his probation, and he needed to talk to his PO and he said he did that he was not there and left a message. I know it is only a matter of time that he is going to go back to jail and maybe prison this time. Oh well right.

The other thing is that he knows people that have stole things from my works compactor and are selling them on eBay and at flee markets and keeping the stuff for their own personal use.

littlebird77

I don't know what to say, other then I am so sorry and I hope you are feeling a little better when you read this.

wooforever

Well I am doing alot better today. I am just writing things down so I can keep my head clear. It has been really quite here with me. Since I told our sons there will be no contact with there father. I am getting rid of the truck at I think the city will tow it.

My work took a report and I gave them the address of the guy that had the stuff from my work. I also gave them my ex's house number and cell phone number. Have not talked to him since Saturday and I hope this is how it will be. I told him not to come around unless he has been clean for good.

It really is not that hard to quit. I did and I have never wanted to go back to the meth. If he really wants to be part of his sons life he will give the **** up for good. Better soon our son will be his daughter and not give a damn if he ever sees him. I am much more happy not worring. I am really books and getting things straight in my head and now down on paper.

wooforever

Well I have clean now for 2 years, and I have not talked to my ex for 5 days. That is the longest I have gone without talking or txt him. I feel like maybe this is the time I really say goodbye to him. I put in a request that his truck gets towed by the city I live in. I hope they will tow it.

wooforever

Well last night I got a txt from my ExAH wanting to know how we were and if life was better without him in ourlives. I never texted back. I am so proud of myself for not turning that txt.