bwgaede

Had lunch with my X today... We got to talking about her program (AA) and her if she was still seeing counselor. She told me that she was still seeing her counselor, and her counselor told her she is protecting herself? That the abused part of her is not trusting the real portion of her? Until abusive side learns to trust the real her, she has to protect herself. Thats why she came back then backed off again.

Anyone ever heard of this, being said to someone facing these problems.

She was sexualy abused at 16 by her first boyfriend, and trying to deal with her sobriety as well.

prodigal

I am certainly no psychologist, but I've seen my share of them over the past 25 years. To whatever it is she said, my only comment is "Huh???"

bwgaede

I think her couselor met that that she is protecting herself from being abused again. And it makes her uncomfortable to be touched? With that said she could not fully give to a relationship. Plus she still does not have a year of sobriety, so she has no idea who the hell she is.

prodigal

Do you intend for her to remain your ex? Maintaining sobriety is rough, but it sounds as if she's doing her part.

bwgaede

I would like to work things out. But she was told that she is in no shape for a relationship. Due to her trying to learn sobriety and yes she is working very hard on her recovery. thats why I have been giving her space alot... She told me she does not know how long she will be confused. From what people have told me here is that in early recovery they are not suppose to date. She has alot of growing to do but is doing well. Back in november she came back and said she wanted to be with me but then said she needed some space again. She told me this happened cause she was not ready yet to give 100% to relationship and is protecting me.

kelsh

I agree with what she is saying...when I sobered up the first time I didn't know who or where I was with my marriage and even my children...I wanted to be alone to try to put myself back together but that didn't happen.

I eventually drank again...asked for a divorce...and moved on with my life for another 14 years of on & off drinking. Then I got so ill mentally, physically, and spiritually that I finally asked for help again and it worked that time.

I was still a single Mom when I quit drinking and got help for my depression...my daughter was 11 and had recently been diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes...so had to do something so I could be a person & a Mom again instead of a drunk that just went to work and came home to drink.

I had to do this for myself and no one else. Like your Ex...she is taking care to do this for herself and she knows she needs to concentrate on her sobriety more than anything or than anyone else. When she is ready...she will know it...hopefully.

You are doing an okay job yourself but as you can see....she needs her space for right now. Did you know that guys go to Alanon? That would be a big help in understanding what is going on with your X and help you to help yourself to take care of YOU!

kelsh

Barbara52

If she is working thru past sexual abuse, the comment makes sense to me. And it indicates she needs time, probably lots of time, without a relationship to work it all out. Good for her to face this while working on sobriety.