sailorjohn

Me asking her for the repayment of a loan, never quite sure what would cause her to act the way she did, she would ask to "borrow" some money, would get very snippy when I would ask for a repayment. I put the word "borrow" in brackets to indicate the exact word she would use.

So she had borrowed about $250 a month or so ago and indicated she would repay it when she received her first paycheck from a new job. I know she has issues with money, I suspect, but could never get her to admit or prove it, that she was putting some of it up her nose, by her own admission she was an active cocaine addict about 9 years ago. She would make statements like "she was at a party and folks were using but she didn't" which would trigger alarm bells in my head. She was in contact with folks that used, etc.


So, starting Monday last week she goes into the "ignoring" stage, talked to her twice the whole week, didn't see her at all, she prefers the text messaging thing, which I've always felt was ridiculously insincere. Friday morning, I sent her a text message asking me if she could repay the loan. Little background, Thursday evening, in the only other call she made last week, she was talking about how surprised she was at the small amount of tax they took out of her check, no mention of the loan at all, just a promise to call later, which she didn't, and didn't surprise me.


She responds back to the text on Friday, telling me that she has to wait for her paycheck to clear. I responded by sending her some jokes, she asked for an explanation and I told her I thought she would find them funny. Next time I hear from her is Sunday noon, Happy Easter! Her ex has the kids, has had them since Friday evening, so she can't actually claim she was "too busy" to call. Not feeling overly generous, I respond with "you too". She texts me later and asks me how work was, I snarkily respond with the word "profitable".


So, Monday rolls around, I still need that money, I ask her again if she can get it to me. She tells me that she can leave it-$100-in her mailbox-on the street-I tell her to call me, not a good idea to leave cash laying around unsecured. She calls, I thank her and tell her I'll drive by and pick it up, which I do, and text her back with the words "thank you" afterwards. Her response, two hours later, is "Thank You!


So this morning, the messages start rolling in "Well, you've ignored me all week. Took my day care money. Back to the drawing board" I responded by pointing out the fact that she acted like she didn't want to see me last week, and I acted accordingly. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Obsess over what she was doing, how she was ignoring me, how she spent her weekend?


She basically ignored my response, and switched back to the money subject. She never actually responded at all to what I said. Then ended it by telling me to "take care" It always was important for her to be able to end it then deny it, making a statement that she could claim I misinterpreted. I'll admit, I got fairly sarcastic at the end.


She was always on about how "amazing" this or that person was, usually other men, the last being her new boss. He was amazing until he gave the other employee the preferred shift hours. So I told her, "maybe one of those amazing people you know can help" Good Luck!" I know, fairly snarky. So, I wait a week and a half, will text her back about the $150, see what happens.


Sometimes it nice to just talk, and relate everything so that you know that you're not dreaming this stuff up!

justjo

I would run for the hills and cut my losses!!! Probably not what you want to hear but I could almost guarantee she owes money to other men aswell.

Miss Pink

Expecting repayment from a drunk is perhaps, too high an expectation.

Go to small claims court if you can afford it, otherwise....Id cut my losses.

prodigal

I "loaned" my exAH a bit of money. A bit more than your loan. I was repaid $400. That didn't even come close. And he justified not paying me back. What was mine was his and what was his was his.

What you have gone through says more about crazy-making to me than money. When I ask a direct question and get avoidance or some nonsense that has nothing to do with my question, I realize I am about to start dancing a dance where I'm not leading.

Communication that is not clear-cut, that involves all sorts of covert messages and indirect/sideways comments is the quickest route to insanity. As I believe you have discovered, courtesy of this go 'round.

GiveLove

When it comes to alcoholics, I swear, you can't make some of this stuff up.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that a relationship in which 80% of communication happens by text messages isn't much of a relationship. Years ago, there was an ashleigh brilliant cartoon that said, "Isn't there some cheap and easy way I can show you how much you mean to me?"

I too feel you'd end up much happier, less conflicted, less abused, if you were to cut your losses here. From your story, and this is just my pure (worthless) opinion, she seems to view you as a convenience, and this isn't likely to change, booze or no booze. Some people are just wired like that.

In any case........take steps to make yourself happy, sailorjohn. We only go around once.

sailorjohn

Gotta remember that brilliant line!

Either laugh or cry, it's pretty sad. I finally got a sort of admission that she's been using-coke-not sure how long but if I had to guess I'd say for just about the whole time I've known her. She didn't deny it, didn't even acknowledge the fact that I had accused her of it. She merely said that I was "in GREAT shape in my life", forgetting that any problems in the "shape" of my life stem from my decision to get involved with her. I'm hoping that in the not too distant future I can look back and say "how messed up was that and why did it take me sooo long to see it"