abcdefg

I feel the need to post that I ended it with my BF today.

I've been posting about the fact that he claims sobriety but I experience him as a dry drunk. All of his behaviors are consistent with what I have learned about Dry Drunk Syndrome.

It took about 20 minutes on the phone. I'm grateful for how I handled it. I feel like I was true to myself, respectful of him and there was dignity and grace in the conversation.

He said a few things that confirmed I'm doing what is necessary -- he SO doesn't get it and I've accepted he isn't going to.

That saying "you'll know when you know." It definitely applied here. I've been working on this for weeks, trying to respect myself, not rush myself. And today I phoned assuming he wasn't even going to pick up -- since he has refused to acknowledge me or communicate in any fashion since he walked out during an argument on March 1.

I thanked him for every time he made me laugh and every nice thing he had ever done for me. But I told him the disease won and I accept it. I'm waving the white flag.

I am sad. Relieved. Afraid. I don't think there's anything he could say to make me believe and re-invest in him. But this disease is cunning, baffling and powerful and I'm scared I would be taken in, despite all I know. But that's not today.

I'm going to live without the alcoholic the same way I lived with him: one day at a time.

aztchr

(((abcdefg)))

Be kind to yourself! You're worth it!

Barbara52

{hugs} All any of us can do is face life one day at a time. I hope you start feeling greater peace and happiness soon.

denny57

((( abcdefg )))

lexusgirl

((((abcdefg)))):ghug2

prodigal

It took a lot of guts to do what you did. And you ended it with dignity and class. Please keep posting. We want to give you support in any way we can.

faith12

You're doing the right thing. Take care.

Bernadette

Wow. Good for you!
(((((hugs)))))
Peace,
B.

sodetermined

abcdefg, you are a strong person, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

This must be so big for you right now, what a huge step in your recovery. I still continue to struggle with this one.

:ghug3

Hugs to you today!

carolineb

abc~

Good for you. Sounds like you ABSOLUTELY did the right thing to ensure a lifetime of happiness.

Now, be prepared for the fact that you'll hear from him again. It is hard to lose an alcoholic.

Rella927

ABC

The strength you showed is profound! Keep posting-it does get easier and know that you are not alone!

One day at a time-

hbb

That must have been so difficult but you sound strong and I want to send you big hugs. It takes alot of courage to do that.

DetachMe9

Fabulous post. Very brave and very difficult. Caroline's right though; be prepared for some backlash in the near future. I think I've had to tell AH at least 50 times that we're positively, definitely, for sure getting divorced. Maybe it's the practice I need to make sure it sticks for me, too.

Take care.

abcdefg

Yes, I'm very aware he will make an effort -- naturally when I LEAST expect it -- to rekindle everything. That is the only part I fear -- my own character defects or weaknesses coming into play at that point.

But I won't let myself forget the last 24 days -- 24 days that may have been longer but he randomly answered the phone yesterday. And I am aware of things now about how the disease has been at play between us that I have not been aware of in the past. So that helps me trust myself more.

I am committed to myself without a doubt. There is NOTHING and NO ONE that will come between me and my continued recovery. If that were to happen, I would literally die. My alanon thinking will kill me (the details of that could take 15 other threads). So if someone is not part of the solution with me, there are only so many options available. That's my choice and in this case it means letting go entirely. I'm prepared to live with it -- one day at a time.

I don't believe that we choose who we love. But I DO believe that we can choose everything else around that. I wasn't about to let this relationship degrade into hatred. This is a good person who is totally messed up. Neither of us deserve all the crap that has come down because of untreated disease. But only one of us -- me -- is willing to face reality and look inward. That doesn't make for a satisfying partnership.

My Higher Power has it all covered. My job as a human is to feel what I feel and be of service. Higher Power's job is to take care of everything else.

Anyway, that's just for today. Who knows how I'll feel tomorrow!

MsGolightly

this is awesome. my break-up with my ex was probably the most difficult thing i've ever gone through, and it's so refreshing to see you have a much better head on your shoulders than i ever did! what you said is so important - one day at a time. we're always here when you need to talk or vent or cry; but remember, no matter what, each "one day at a time" adds up and eventually it will be no more than a lesson learned.

what an inspiring post! i've bookmarked it so i can reread it - lots of good thoughts in there!