faith12

Man this is getting so old.. I've come home from a hard day at work to find my badly failing recovering alchoholic drunk again. I feel like when I post here I'm just here to whine but its hard as I don't feel like I have any friends to talk to about this that could possibly understand or that I trust with the information honestly. Since rehab I felt like things would change but every two weeks I come to find her drunk again. I've stopped telling her parents, yelling and screaming, making threats as I know what she deals with the next day after she drinks in guilt must be worse than anything else. She's got to do it on her own I know. I just wish she would make an effort to get better. She dislikes AA and won't go, she doesn't believe in God and dislikes it when she's told to seek him. I've quit drinking completely to set a good example for but I sure feel like I could use one right now. I'm the only one sticking to this clean and sober thing. Anybody married to an addict that actually got sober after rehab? How long did it take? What helped or what did the person finally realize that helped them become sober? Anything besides Al-Anon you know of that helped you? Any input would be welcome.

serenityqueen

I never had the Spouse.

I was the Spouse.

I hated AA, didn't believe in God anymore since I was convinced He was letting all of these horrible things happen to me. And did not want to hear that if I put my life in His hands things would be alot better.

So I relapsed. Then Detox again.

Then relapsed. Detox again.

For me, there was nothing anyone could say, do, threaten me with, ect. that made any difference until I had hit my bottom and I was ready.

You're right, the guilt that I'm sure she feels the next day is worse than before.

I have found Recovery with AA/NA, my Higher Power whom I call God and the help of those in the Program, including my Sponsor.

I had to get honest. Very honest.

I had to humble myself and realize that my way wasn't working.

I can only Pray for your wife and you and the rest of the Family as well.

God Bless & Thank God . . . Just for Today,
Judy

Barbara52

What helped me was focusing on myself and what I wanted from life rather than focusing on my AH. His life is his to ruin or fix. My life is mine to live as best I can.

faith12

I know. I just want a family so bad with this woman and love her so much it would kill me to be away from her. We've only been married two years. I want her to get better today and that just never happens and may not for a very long time.

AWEDA

I wanted a family too,my husband wanted to drink.......
I stood by while he went to more rehabs and mental hospitals than I can count. He now sits in jail,by his own poor choices.
Until they truly "get it" you could be waiting a long time,i wish i had all those years back. Take care of you,it took me a very long time to do it,but i'm sure glad I did.
God Bless....

Laan

Well, my dad's the one with the problem, but like you said - we're the ones to whine.
But what else is there to do? It's been going on like this for years & I'm fed-up. Really! He just got out of a ridiculous 5-day rehab & just went back to drinking more than ever before after half a day! I feel sorry for him because he is losing everything in life - his grip with reality, his family and friends - because he is pushing us away. Does he think we stay because we want to?
I don't get it...
I'm sorry I couldn't give any advice, but it's nice to know that there are people out there going through similar things (& to know I am not alone)
Good luck to us all!

Barbara52

We can stop whining and take actions to improve our own lives! Whining get nobody anywhere.

I found my life got much better when I stopped trying to change by AH, when I accepted I couldn't do for him what he won't do for himself, when I started concentrating on what I could do for me.

justjo

Whatever you do, please dont bring children into the equation. Its hard enough dealing with this on your own. Why inflict it on little children.

Lilyflower

Hey there Faith, I've got to say this jumped out at me when i read your post. Are you in counselling? To me these words indicate a dependancy on your part. Are you happy within you? I have discovered that it is immensley important to be content on your own. Emotions are like bad weather, it may seem to you that being without her would cause you so much pain you would die, but in truth it's just a hurricane ripping through, it leaves a whole lot of mess to tidy up after it's gone, but the world is still there turning. I have also learnt that I would often talk in extremes, now I try to speak my truth as much as possible without exaggeration.

I hope you find peace with yourself for yourself, because at the end of the day, you're only living your life, no one elses.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

faith12

Whoever said the thing about children serisously alcoholics do recover and lead fairly normal lives in many cases. They don't all turn out to be failures their entire lives I attend a group with many that are doing pretty well and can attest to that. My wife's parents are examples of that. I'm not planning on bringing children into a situation that wasn't a secure one don't worry. I think you can have some optimism depending on your situation. I guess you just need to know when long enough without success is for you.

prodigal

And that, my dear, is something only you can decide. Remain optimistic. But I would suggest you deal with WHAT IS for today. WHAT IF is only that ... IF.

iluvmyminpins

I know how you feel about the family. AH is so cute with kids (when sober) and I could totally see him rubbing my pregnant belly, being a proud father, teaching his child to play baseball, etc.

We both have fertility issues. I spent thousands of dollars on fertility treatments, just to have them fail. While I was devastated they didn't work, looking bac, I am not sure having a baby with him would be a good idea. When I got home from work today, he was passed out on the coach and my 7 pound dogs were left outside for an undetermined amount of time. What if something similar would have happened to our baby?

I am not willing to give up on becoming a parent. I am open to adoption and to try fertility treatments again, but I am not going to give my child an alcoholic parent. I feel I have some control over that.

It just breaks my heart knowing that inside AH is a man capable of being a great father and that will probably never materialize.

angelleeca

I'm not married but alot of the time it feels like I am.
I feel the same way as you. I have no one to talk to - who really cares.
I finally had to find help (for myself else where) and that is why I'm here.
My boyfriend thinks of nothing but drinking. He says he can't live with out me and I mean more to him than his drinks. But, I don't see it.
I know I won't marry him like this...he wants to marry me but I won't do it. I love him so much, and yet I can't do a thing for him.
But, I do believe that you need to worry about yourself and not the drinking of your Love. Just hope they hit rock bottom sooner than later and finally get the guts to change.