New here - signs of cocaine use?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 36
New here - signs of cocaine use?
I'm new here and have been mainly just reading the boards since I joined a couple of weeks ago. I think my husband may be using cocaine, but I'm not sure. He has admitted to trying it twice in the last six months, but has sworn that's it. He already is an alcoholic (in denial) and is addicted to prescription painkillers (likewise in denial). Because I don't know a lot about drug use, specifically cocaine, I'm not sure what to look for... I'm hopeful you can give me some pointers. Thanks - t
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome, Makeachange.
Sadly, once they show serious signs of addiction, it doesn't matter much what their drug of choice is, often their drug of choice becomes whatever is available.
What helped me to regain my balance and learn to live well in spite of living with addiction, was to find my own program and surround myself with support.
It's a long rough road, this journey of ours, but we walk it together and I'm happy to have you walk with us here.
Hugs
Sadly, once they show serious signs of addiction, it doesn't matter much what their drug of choice is, often their drug of choice becomes whatever is available.
What helped me to regain my balance and learn to live well in spite of living with addiction, was to find my own program and surround myself with support.
It's a long rough road, this journey of ours, but we walk it together and I'm happy to have you walk with us here.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to S.R. i agree with ann, the road is very hard to travel with an addict. there is nothing u can do for your husband. if he thinks he has no problem then the problem becomes yours unless you get into a program & learn to let go. turn him over to your H.P. & learn to take care of yourself. find a meeting to go to & keep coming back. we r here for you.prayers,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!
Ann and Hope are right....even if you find out he is using cocaine, he is already an addict in denial. There's nothing you can do to make him face the facts or get clean. He probably won't do it until he has to face some pretty harsh consequences.
I will say, though, that cocaine is very addictive and expensive. If you suspect him of using it, it would be wise to give him little or no access to $$ (if possible). Not only that, but most household items can be sold for cocaine. I'm a recovering crack addict, so I've seen it all.
The best thing you can do is put your focus on you. He is going to do what he's going to do, and if you let him, he will drag you down with him.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Ann and Hope are right....even if you find out he is using cocaine, he is already an addict in denial. There's nothing you can do to make him face the facts or get clean. He probably won't do it until he has to face some pretty harsh consequences.
I will say, though, that cocaine is very addictive and expensive. If you suspect him of using it, it would be wise to give him little or no access to $$ (if possible). Not only that, but most household items can be sold for cocaine. I'm a recovering crack addict, so I've seen it all.
The best thing you can do is put your focus on you. He is going to do what he's going to do, and if you let him, he will drag you down with him.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
Hi
My AS was using cocaine for a year and we had no idea. I am a little more educated on the topic now. He was always sniffling, dialated pupils, excessive talking ( even telling me things he would not when he was straight) Its like he was on a truth serum. Weight loss, sleeping through the day, kleenex balls everywhere. Extremely messy ( he used to be a clean freak). Major mood swings, missing items in the house ( for the longest time I thought I was going nuts and had lost things) Of course he had sold it. Awake all nite. He would be in and out of the garage smoking 30 times a nite. His personal appearance went down hill. He would binge eat when he was strait. Unbelievable that we didnt know he was on drugs.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 36
thanks for the replies so far...the thing that is hard for me is that so many of your descriptions seem to describe my husband as he is all the time, even when I don't think he's been using anything illegal...alcohol can bring out much of the same behavior in him that some of you mentioned being common to cocaine use...he already stays up all night, sleeps at weird times, spends money when i don't want him to, lies to me, doesn't answer his phone, becomes angry for no rational reason, etc. i'm just really confused and scared...i'm not sure if i'm overreacting or if i'm finally just reaching my breaking point...i'm not sure if i can live like this anymore or if i just want out of the marriage...i'm not sure of much except that i'm sick of feeling this way...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
i'm not sure if i can live like this anymore or if i just want out of the marriage...i'm not sure of much except that i'm sick of feeling this way...
By the way, his behavior is very very very reminscent of someone who uses ALOT of cocaine - not just twice in the past 6 months.
Once you decide that enough is enough, and you take action, things get better. You'll feel better. For me, it was the feeling of knowing what I needed to do, but not doing it that made me sick.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 9
I just found out that my AH was using cocaine a few weeks ago. I, too, had never been around it and really didn't know much about it (except from TV). If only I had known to even look on for a site like this. I know now that he was abusing steroids as well...that I suspected but never believed...ahhh...the veils of love...? Anyway, my AH has been the way Katie44 described for a while...just not as intense as a few weeks ago. I posted about it the day after I found out he'd been using. You might want to read it...had some great advice on there as well. I left my AH a couple of weeks ago. I'll post about it but I honestly feel that for me and my health/safety that I had to get out of that as soon as I could. I think it was the only way for both of us to really be able to work on ourselves. Anyway, keep us posted. Good luck. Lots of Prayers and Tons of Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Over Here!
Posts: 15
I've mentioned this in another post to another thread, but I'll put it here, too.
My AH has three modes:
High
ANGRY
Sofa Coma
When he's high, he's wandering around the house, constantly "checking"- making sure no one's coming in the windows or doors. He's got twirly pie eyes, and if the kids are around, he tries to be overly friendly: "see how nice your Dad is? I'm a super guy! You want to stay up all night? Okay! Ice cream for dinner? Sure!"
When he's pissed, he's stomping around, breaking things, yelling about everything, and spouting incessantly about how the world is conspiring against him.. blah blah blah. There are also always fifteen different reasons for not going to work, or doing whatever it is he needs to be doing. If he's not high, he's mad that he's not. (unless he's sleeping)
When it's sofa coma time, he's crashed. You can't wake him. My (then) three year old told me one time (this was when I was working every day, and he was at home, in charge of the kids.. I didn't know this was the issue that it is at this time) that she found a way to wake him up: She'd go to the ice dispenser on the door of the fridge, get a whole ice cube, and put it on his forehead as he slept. (or on his cheek if his face was to the side.) it took a while, but it would wake him up. His dreams are nightmares of paranoia, suspicions, conspiracies against him. And upon waking, he's convinced that whatever he dreamed (lord help me, I don't even want to know) is reality, because he's a Pisces, and that means he's "psychic". Drug induced psychosis.
He also drinks copious amounts of alcohol, but "only to come down." I don't really know how that works, but I guess since coke is a stimulant and alcohol a depressant..
Then there's the disappearance of everything of even nominal value- all gone to the pawn shop. He was even "borrowing" tools from neighbors "for a project.. only for a couple days" and taking them to the pawn shop. He did some side work for our landlord, took a couple tools home.. they ended up at the pawn shop- (or somewhere. He couldn't produce a pawn ticket.)
I'm sorry I hijacked your thread and made it about my AH.. but I think that many of these behaviors are universal, and if your guy says he's "only tried it a couple of times in the last six months", well, he's probably lying through his teeth. And that's why they call coke "the big white lie."
I stayed in it far too long. So long that I felt like I was insane. A couple of days there, I felt like the only way "out" would be killing myself. Some other days, I could not force myself to get out of bed, because I just didn't want to see him. (when you really know it's Time To Leave.)
Please don't allow him to crush everything good in you. It hurts!
My AH has three modes:
High
ANGRY
Sofa Coma
When he's high, he's wandering around the house, constantly "checking"- making sure no one's coming in the windows or doors. He's got twirly pie eyes, and if the kids are around, he tries to be overly friendly: "see how nice your Dad is? I'm a super guy! You want to stay up all night? Okay! Ice cream for dinner? Sure!"
When he's pissed, he's stomping around, breaking things, yelling about everything, and spouting incessantly about how the world is conspiring against him.. blah blah blah. There are also always fifteen different reasons for not going to work, or doing whatever it is he needs to be doing. If he's not high, he's mad that he's not. (unless he's sleeping)
When it's sofa coma time, he's crashed. You can't wake him. My (then) three year old told me one time (this was when I was working every day, and he was at home, in charge of the kids.. I didn't know this was the issue that it is at this time) that she found a way to wake him up: She'd go to the ice dispenser on the door of the fridge, get a whole ice cube, and put it on his forehead as he slept. (or on his cheek if his face was to the side.) it took a while, but it would wake him up. His dreams are nightmares of paranoia, suspicions, conspiracies against him. And upon waking, he's convinced that whatever he dreamed (lord help me, I don't even want to know) is reality, because he's a Pisces, and that means he's "psychic". Drug induced psychosis.
He also drinks copious amounts of alcohol, but "only to come down." I don't really know how that works, but I guess since coke is a stimulant and alcohol a depressant..
Then there's the disappearance of everything of even nominal value- all gone to the pawn shop. He was even "borrowing" tools from neighbors "for a project.. only for a couple days" and taking them to the pawn shop. He did some side work for our landlord, took a couple tools home.. they ended up at the pawn shop- (or somewhere. He couldn't produce a pawn ticket.)
I'm sorry I hijacked your thread and made it about my AH.. but I think that many of these behaviors are universal, and if your guy says he's "only tried it a couple of times in the last six months", well, he's probably lying through his teeth. And that's why they call coke "the big white lie."
I stayed in it far too long. So long that I felt like I was insane. A couple of days there, I felt like the only way "out" would be killing myself. Some other days, I could not force myself to get out of bed, because I just didn't want to see him. (when you really know it's Time To Leave.)
Please don't allow him to crush everything good in you. It hurts!
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