mntnbkbrd

My Dad was abusive while I was growing up and most of the abuse happened when he was drinking. I was physically and emotionally terrorized from the time I was 12 till I left home at 17. I spent these years killing the pain through drugs and alcohol and I have been sober myself now for about 5 years. I am now 27 and I have younger brothers and sisters still living at home and dependant on him financially. My dad has stopped drinking as heavily as he did but when he does drink he gets drunk. There is a pattern to is actions when he drinks, frist he gets happy, then he gets loud and affectionate and then he gets sad and angry. It happens just like this every time he drinks. Can a person be an alcoholic and still hold down a job/be a respected professor? The situation is complicated because my mother is bi-polar and unable or unwilling to function on her own (she does not drive and has been fired from several jobs because of her erratic behavior). My dad treats her like a doormat and when I bring up the problems with his behavior to her she makes excuses for him. My parents have 7 children and I am in the position of offering them support and helping them to establish themselves so that they can get out of a bad situation. I have forgiven my father for his past actions and he does not treat me badly now beacuse he does not have any power over me financially, but he is still abusive to my younger brothers and sisters. He has little to no relationship with any of them because he his consumed by his work. I need to know if this sounds like an alcoholic and what steps I should take in light of the current situation. I just need somones lese perspective and i relaize that there is no magic prescription to make all of this go away.

NYC_Chick

Hi Mntn and Welcome!

Sorry you are dealing with so much right now. :ghug3

I am not sure how to answer your questions, but I can tell you what my experience is. My father is an alcoholic. As far as I know, he has never tried controlled drinking, which is what it sounds like your father is doing. My dad, like yours was higly functional. He has never been fired from a job and was a respected architect before he retired. Alcoholics come in all forms.

Have you tried alanon? There is also alateen for your brothers and sisters. Also, read the stickies at the top of the board. They are helpful!

Kindeyes

Hey....welcome to SR.

You're in a tough spot and I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this.

You are 27 years old. That's so very young to think of taking on the responsibility of taking care of your siblings. It sounds like you are in a good place mentally and emotionally but you've been through the war zone. Seeking help for yourself and helping your siblings find their own path to recovery would be a great first step. Alanon and Alateen would be something to consider.

gentle hugs

denny57

Welcome, mntnbkbrd, glad you're here!

Yes, alcoholism knows no boundaries.

In the long run, it doesn't matter, actually, if someone is an "alcoholic." What does matter is that the drinking is causing problems for you and your siblings.

I suggest Al Anon for you and your siblings as a start. There are other support options. How about talking to your family doctor?

Learn all you can about alcoholism and its effect on the family. Great things can happen if only one person makes a change. Look in the stickys - there are some great suggestions for books. And keep coming back to SR!

mntnbkbrd

Thanks to everyone who replied. I guess I will investigate the treatment options out there and take a closer look at the site. It is nice to know that other people have been down this road.