ready to start
dude
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: bay area, ca
Posts: 13
ready to start
Well, here goes.
(Incoming wall of text big enough to hold the Mongolians back a bit longer.)
A couple of days ago, I woke up, and started my typical routine of trying to recreate the previous nights binge. Looking at who I might have text messaged, may have called, websites visited, etc.
Well, there was a surprise waiting for me on that last one. Apparently I had done some Google searching on "functional alcoholics", found SoberRecover.com, signed up to these forums and even joined the chat room (my apologizes to anyone who had to put up with my rambling).
Reading the forums that next morning, I was shocked, my emotions exploded. Inspired, awed, informed, enlightened and pretty much every positive adjective in the dictionary. Writing this down can not come close to explaining the impact I felt. The message came across loud and clear: I am not alone. Thank you for every post.
A little background info.
I have made it through about 20 years of excessive drinking. No DUI’s, no arrests, no blunt trauma, and so on. The last 10 years is mostly lost to work and drinking. I wake up, go to work, work, on my way home grab a pint (a 5th if it’s Friday) of vodka and a 6 pack, drink till I pass out, rinse & repeat. I don’t even go to the bar anymore because I am so embarrassed of what alcohol is doing to me.
I justified all this myself by saying: I have a good job. I consistently perform well (I am up for another promotion next month, go me!), I am only hurting myself, I don’t drink and drive, I don’t have a wife or children to torture, no pets to crush when I stumble and fall over. And all the other inane reasons that you’ve already said or heard.
What I was blind to was the price I am paying for this addiction.
I miss riding my motorcycle on the weekends. I miss the closeness I used to have with my friends. I miss reading before I go to bed. I miss going to the movies. I miss dating. I miss playing basketball. I really miss being alive after 7pm.
I am petrified of having a heart attack or a stroke while all liquored up and unable to get medical help.
So, after a very emotional day reading your forums, I now believe that there is hope for me.
The community and support that exists here gives me that hope. Your stories are truly inspiring and I’ve only scratched the surface in the last couple days.
I am not going to drink tonight.
I realize it is a bumpy road filled with all sorts of pitfalls but with your support I feel I can be strong enough to begin.
I am going to make a Dr. appointment tomorrow and I am already going through the ‘What to Expect’ thread. I am not ready for AA yet. That is just a bit more reality that I'm prepared to deal with right now. This is all new ground for me.
So, before I run out of ink, thank you all for listening. Just writing all this down feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Your community saves lives. <3
And thank you Mattcake79 for encouraging me to write this post.
/wallOfText (3/23/08)
(Incoming wall of text big enough to hold the Mongolians back a bit longer.)
A couple of days ago, I woke up, and started my typical routine of trying to recreate the previous nights binge. Looking at who I might have text messaged, may have called, websites visited, etc.
Well, there was a surprise waiting for me on that last one. Apparently I had done some Google searching on "functional alcoholics", found SoberRecover.com, signed up to these forums and even joined the chat room (my apologizes to anyone who had to put up with my rambling).
Reading the forums that next morning, I was shocked, my emotions exploded. Inspired, awed, informed, enlightened and pretty much every positive adjective in the dictionary. Writing this down can not come close to explaining the impact I felt. The message came across loud and clear: I am not alone. Thank you for every post.
A little background info.
I have made it through about 20 years of excessive drinking. No DUI’s, no arrests, no blunt trauma, and so on. The last 10 years is mostly lost to work and drinking. I wake up, go to work, work, on my way home grab a pint (a 5th if it’s Friday) of vodka and a 6 pack, drink till I pass out, rinse & repeat. I don’t even go to the bar anymore because I am so embarrassed of what alcohol is doing to me.
I justified all this myself by saying: I have a good job. I consistently perform well (I am up for another promotion next month, go me!), I am only hurting myself, I don’t drink and drive, I don’t have a wife or children to torture, no pets to crush when I stumble and fall over. And all the other inane reasons that you’ve already said or heard.
What I was blind to was the price I am paying for this addiction.
I miss riding my motorcycle on the weekends. I miss the closeness I used to have with my friends. I miss reading before I go to bed. I miss going to the movies. I miss dating. I miss playing basketball. I really miss being alive after 7pm.
I am petrified of having a heart attack or a stroke while all liquored up and unable to get medical help.
So, after a very emotional day reading your forums, I now believe that there is hope for me.
The community and support that exists here gives me that hope. Your stories are truly inspiring and I’ve only scratched the surface in the last couple days.
I am not going to drink tonight.
I realize it is a bumpy road filled with all sorts of pitfalls but with your support I feel I can be strong enough to begin.
I am going to make a Dr. appointment tomorrow and I am already going through the ‘What to Expect’ thread. I am not ready for AA yet. That is just a bit more reality that I'm prepared to deal with right now. This is all new ground for me.
So, before I run out of ink, thank you all for listening. Just writing all this down feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Your community saves lives. <3
And thank you Mattcake79 for encouraging me to write this post.
/wallOfText (3/23/08)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 386
Welcome Natsiw,
Prepare to Amaze Yourself.
Sobriety is so much more than NOT drinking........I promise !!
Seren
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
Prepare to Amaze Yourself.
Sobriety is so much more than NOT drinking........I promise !!
Seren
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
((((Natsiw))))
Welcome! I was in the chat room with you a little while ago.
Glad to see you here.
You are so very right, this place may very well save lives.
I hope you will stay with us.
And most of all, stay with your decision to get into Recovery
It's the greatest gift I ever gave myself.
God Bless and Thank God . . . Just for Today,
Judy
Welcome! I was in the chat room with you a little while ago.
Glad to see you here.
You are so very right, this place may very well save lives.
I hope you will stay with us.
And most of all, stay with your decision to get into Recovery
It's the greatest gift I ever gave myself.
God Bless and Thank God . . . Just for Today,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Welcome
I noticed you on chat last night as well. Which is strange, because it is only the 2nd or 3rd time I've ever used a chat board.
I assure you that this place is more serious (well, not always) than last night's chat.
You sound as if you have arrived at your decision after careful thought. I look forward to sharing with you and watching you succeed!
warren
I noticed you on chat last night as well. Which is strange, because it is only the 2nd or 3rd time I've ever used a chat board.
I assure you that this place is more serious (well, not always) than last night's chat.
You sound as if you have arrived at your decision after careful thought. I look forward to sharing with you and watching you succeed!
warren
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR natsiw, SR is an awesome place to begin recovery, you say you are not ready for AA.... well there are other programs that do work if you work them try one. AA worked for me and many others, other programs have helped others as well, any program that helps even one alcoholic find happy long term sobriety is a good one in my book.
One thing to always keep in mind is that no program will work for any one unless they work it! Working a program halfway when it comes to alcoholism does not work at all.
One thing to always keep in mind is that no program will work for any one unless they work it! Working a program halfway when it comes to alcoholism does not work at all.
dude
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: bay area, ca
Posts: 13
Thank you all for your encouraging words and support.
I just got home from work, navigating my way past my habitual store stop and I am ready to take on night 2.
As I was approaching the store, I thought my brain would be coming up with all sorts of crazy justifications to stop and reset the whole process, however, the thought of posting this kept me on track. I (at least currently) feel very resolute on keeping sober.
Thank you SR and community <3
I just got home from work, navigating my way past my habitual store stop and I am ready to take on night 2.
As I was approaching the store, I thought my brain would be coming up with all sorts of crazy justifications to stop and reset the whole process, however, the thought of posting this kept me on track. I (at least currently) feel very resolute on keeping sober.
Thank you SR and community <3
dude
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: bay area, ca
Posts: 13
day 3
Another day, another trip home without stopping at the corner market to stock up on excuses and bad feelings.
Work today sucked though. >< Headaches, easily frustrated, and confusion don't mix well. I know all this will get better in time, but this has to be the most unproductive day at work I have had in so long. Which had my brain screaming "I know how to fix this!" meh...
Bring on day 4 and here's to hoping tomorrow will be better.
<3
Work today sucked though. >< Headaches, easily frustrated, and confusion don't mix well. I know all this will get better in time, but this has to be the most unproductive day at work I have had in so long. Which had my brain screaming "I know how to fix this!" meh...
Bring on day 4 and here's to hoping tomorrow will be better.
<3
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Your post inspired me. I'm on day two (again) and you described how I felt finding this site: like I'd just been rescued from a terrible fate. Thank you for your good attitude. I will try to emulate that.:ghug3:praying
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