itisatruth

Yesterday I told my AH that if he wanted me to stay he would have to go to NA meetings daily. He said he would, but he wants me to go with him, at least until he feels more comfortable (he feels embarrassment about so many relapses after being clean for so long years ago). I was just wondering if anyone has experience with this. I have gone to meetings with him in the past, and a few conventions as well. I have met some awesome people in meetings. But I kinda feel that if he wants to stay clean, he has to do it on his own.

splendra

I think he ought to go to NA and you go to naranon or alannon meetings. But if he will go if you go it might be best for you to go ahead and go with him.

Ideally doing it on ones own is best but, hey if he want your support do it I don't think you will regret going. At least he know how to ask you for support.

hope213

i think it is great he wants you there with him. go a couple of tiumes with him & then maybe he will be comfortable enough to go alone & you can go to yours. hugs & prayers,

Hangin' In

He has his meetings...NA or AA. You have your meetings..Al Anon or Nar Anon.

I've found that my loved one isn't comfortable to speak as she wishes if I'm sitting right there in her meetings. And I surely don't want her coming to my meetings. I'm there for me and I don't want her being there because I'm sure I would feel inihibited as to what I'd say.

I'd suggest each to your own meeting. You and your AH have two different problems and that is why there are two different meetings.

Just my 2 cents worth.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

jerect

It took me a while to see it this way but you are 100% correct in this statement. It wasn't untill I attended an open meeting with my AH that I realized that me being there was probably more of a hinderance then being supportive. Don't get me wrong, being there helped me see the other side of addiction and I'm glad for the experiance but I have decided from here on out to keep strictly to my program and to let AH keep to his.

Cupicake

I don't know if you have this opportunity where you live but some AA/NA meetings are held in the same building as the Alanon/Naranon meetings and they go on pretty much at the same time. Maybe you can look into that. You'll accompany him but he'll go to his and you to yours.

itisatruth

Thank you all for your replies. I went out of town for a couple days and have not made up my mind whether or not I will go with him. I am leaning towards not going, just because I feel that I have already done quite a bit to try to support him. I talked to his sponsor who said that he thinks my H needs to do be willing to do it on his own (he often won't go without him either).

I am willing to compromise though,. I showed him some of the other forums on this site and am hoping he will read and maybe feel more comfortable with joining. As for sharing at meetings, he has not shared literally for years, with me or without me there. His best friend, and long time recovering addict, told him he needed to "shut-up and listen" in meetings. But I think maybe since he's not sharing, he's not getting as much out of it as he could be and maybe this is a factor in my H not staying clean for long. Anyways, thanks for the answers, they have helped.

katie44

I asked the same question about my AS a couple of weeks ago. The truth is if he really wants to work the program and he wants it bad enough he will go by himself. I even asked the drug counsellor ( ex-addict) who has been counselling for 12 years, and he told me he needs to walk through the doors himself.