Filthy Language
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 121
Filthy Language
Hello,
I read the Forums all the time, but rarely post. I was just curious how people deal with an addict's foul language. The way I am spoken to is abusive and low. The words that are used, I really don't know people who even speak like that at all, least of all to their parents. At first I would try to explain then I would shout back. Now I don't engage -- but sometimes, I really feel like letting her know how this affects me -- but then again, I don't think she cares all that much. Is this prevelent in the drug culture -- or is this just something that I have experienced?
Thanks
I read the Forums all the time, but rarely post. I was just curious how people deal with an addict's foul language. The way I am spoken to is abusive and low. The words that are used, I really don't know people who even speak like that at all, least of all to their parents. At first I would try to explain then I would shout back. Now I don't engage -- but sometimes, I really feel like letting her know how this affects me -- but then again, I don't think she cares all that much. Is this prevelent in the drug culture -- or is this just something that I have experienced?
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
There's a sticky called "What Addicts Do". If you haven't read it yet, you should; it's one heck of an eye opener.
My AD was guilty of nasty verbal abuse and I was guilty of tolerating it, reacting to it. When I realized she was a stranger during the active part of her addiction, I asked myself if I would tolerate that from a stranger. Of course the answer was no.
So I set a boundary, was prepared to enforce it, and told her this is the way it was going to be from now on:
If you become verbally abusive with me in my house, you will have to leave immediately. If you do not, I will have no choice but to call the police. If we are in the car and you become verbally abusive, we will pull over immediately and you will either stop or get out.
She ended up leaving the house one time and we pulled over on the highway once. I think the prospect of being stuck about 15 miles from home and knowing her friends couldn't come get her made her shut up.
The best part of it was being so detached from it. I felt no anger, nothing. She was a stranger.
It hasn't happened since then.
My AD was guilty of nasty verbal abuse and I was guilty of tolerating it, reacting to it. When I realized she was a stranger during the active part of her addiction, I asked myself if I would tolerate that from a stranger. Of course the answer was no.
So I set a boundary, was prepared to enforce it, and told her this is the way it was going to be from now on:
If you become verbally abusive with me in my house, you will have to leave immediately. If you do not, I will have no choice but to call the police. If we are in the car and you become verbally abusive, we will pull over immediately and you will either stop or get out.
She ended up leaving the house one time and we pulled over on the highway once. I think the prospect of being stuck about 15 miles from home and knowing her friends couldn't come get her made her shut up.
The best part of it was being so detached from it. I felt no anger, nothing. She was a stranger.
It hasn't happened since then.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Like others have said, if you don't set a boundary it will continue to go on.
You do not have to accept unacceptable behavior. I learned that by going to Al Anon. Maybe you could try some meeitngs. They sure have helped me.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
You do not have to accept unacceptable behavior. I learned that by going to Al Anon. Maybe you could try some meeitngs. They sure have helped me.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I had the most nasty disgusting horrifying vocabulary possible when I using.
It got to where I didnt even relize I was saying those words. They just became a part of my vocabulary. Actually thats all my vocabulary consisted of. So embarrassing now. I still catch myself slipping. But nowhere near what I was like.
Every other word literally F word or Mother F. You get the idea.
I did get like that from being in the street using. But I have learned to catch myself and have even replaced with silly words. Like fark or shnikey. I know sounds nuts but it helps.
It got to where I didnt even relize I was saying those words. They just became a part of my vocabulary. Actually thats all my vocabulary consisted of. So embarrassing now. I still catch myself slipping. But nowhere near what I was like.
Every other word literally F word or Mother F. You get the idea.
I did get like that from being in the street using. But I have learned to catch myself and have even replaced with silly words. Like fark or shnikey. I know sounds nuts but it helps.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
My experience is a little different. I see it more as you teach people how to treat you. Even at my lowest or highest point of addiction to meth, I never spoke with disrespect to my parents or to anyone in my life really, well I'm sure I did, but not "cuss words" or "Swear words" or anything of the sort,
there is no one in my life who would tolerate that behavior from me.
There never has been been.
That is just my experience though... My parents were OVER strict with me about that growing up, so that could also have something to do with it.
What you tolerate you will get. Like the others have said. Boundaries are so very important..
there is no one in my life who would tolerate that behavior from me.
There never has been been.
That is just my experience though... My parents were OVER strict with me about that growing up, so that could also have something to do with it.
What you tolerate you will get. Like the others have said. Boundaries are so very important..
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Also, drugs lower inhibitions. That includes vocal inhibitions. We don't think as much before we talk, and we don't think through our words. That's one thing I can't stand about my mother. She will use unpleasant words and bad mouth other family members when she's intoxicated.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: IL
Posts: 4
I hear you...
My Ah tends to call me all kinds of names a day after he uses. I just try to stay away and detatch. I'm looking to get some boundries set, but I must say I'm SCARED of him. He's tried to physically abuse me a few time, but didn't get too far. Tried once in front of my 14 yr old son. What is the best way to respond besides leaving the room?? He's on a diet, and I had some candy out for Easter today, and he threw all the candy (including the crystal candy dish) into the trash in a hissy fit a few minutes ago. Mind you, he used cocaine last nite... when I went downstairs to see what was going on he accused me of not supporting him with his diet and called me a...well, you don't want to know.
I just went back upstairs, cause I know it's not my responsibility,
and logged on here for serenity's sake.
:codiepolice
I just went back upstairs, cause I know it's not my responsibility,
and logged on here for serenity's sake.:codiepolice
FreeSpirit
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Inside My Spirit
Posts: 1,274
I COULD UNDERSTAND WHERE U COMING FROM I EAS RACE IN THE MOST TOUGHEST NEIGHBOR HOOD THERE IS 4'R ME IN THE SOUTH SIDE OF THE BRONX,N.Y. MY GUARDIAN MY AUNT THROUGH ME OUT WHEN I WAS 14 YRS OLD AND MY LIFE DID A SPINNING NUMBER OF 380,GOT LOST WITH THE WRONG CROUD AND HANG AROUND WITH THE MOST VIOLENT AND ABUSSIVE'S PERSON'S THERE WHERE ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH AND I ACTUALLY CAME FROM AND INVIOREMENT FROM MY FATHER'S FAMILY SIDE VERRY RELIGUOS AND EDUCATED NO FAUL LANGUAGE WAS EVER SAID AROUND ME IT WAS AFTER I GOT THROUND INTO THE STREETS.AND I'M TILL THIS DAY DEALING WITH ANGER ISSUES AND VIOLENCE IN ME AND I DONT CURSE AS MUCH AS I USE 2 BUT I COULD TELL U WHRE THAT HOSTILITY COMES FROM WEATHER IS U WITH THE FAUL LANGUAGE OR SOMEONE CLOSE 2 U IT COME'S FROM ANGER ISSUES NOT KNOWING HOW 2 CONTROL HER'S OR HI'S ANGER AND BECAUSE KNOW'N WAS PATIENCE WITH THEM I TORM'S OF CORRECTION MAYBE ALL THEY EVER DID WAS CREAM AT THAT PERSON,OR CURSE THAT INDIVIDUAL SO BAD 2 THE POINT THAT NOW THAT THEY ARE OLDER THEY DON'T KNOW HOW 2 TALK 2 OTHER'S OR B PATIENCE WITH OTHER IS LIKE A CHAIN GAIN IF U KNOW WHAT I MEAN,ALL I CAN SAY IS SEEK 4'R HELP WEATHER IS U OR SOMEONE VERRY DEAR 2 U THERE IS ALOT OF RESUORCES 4'R ANGER MANAGEMENT I'M GOIMG 2 SEE IF I CAND FIND U THE WEB SITE BUT 4'R NOW ALOT OF TOLERENCE AND PATIENCE AND SUPPORT&LUV.BLESS&B-BLESS :praying
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
The filthy language is all part of the addiction. When my AH was activly using I had to remind myself that this was the "Addict" talking and not my husband. What I learned to do was to not react to him, just walk away. If he wanted to be by himself and talk those ugly words to himself then so be it but I was not going to stick around and listion to it and let it ruin my day.
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