Reaching out
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Reaching out
I joined SR just a few minutes ago, and as I am reading some of the other posts, I can't believe how many of them I can relate to. I am reaching out today because I found out earlier today that my AH has lied to me again, and I am so frustrated I haven't been able to do much else than cry. I have lived with this alone for so long. I remembered a friend of his suggesting I try to find Al-Anon meetings and go....yet I never did. So today, as I was finally looking for a local meeting, I found this site.
About me.....I have been married to an addict for 8 years. He was in recovery when we met and probably the most healthy and positive man I had ever met. Then came a series of events in our lives that he has never recovered from emotionally. He has used meth in the past, but the biggest problem for us has been prescribed medications such as methadone, vicodin, xanax.........too many to list. So today, as I'm checking our bank statement, I see he picked up another (!!!!!) prescription yesterday. He has been in rehab three times in the last year for this! I have told him time and again, that if he wants to live like this, that's his decision, but that I don't want to live like that. Promises, promises. So when he came home for lunch, I told him if he wants me to stay, he needs to go to a meeting a day or else. Problem is, I'm not sure I am strong enough to walk out. It is my house too and I don't want to leave and either does he.....
So here I am again, thanks for "listening".
About me.....I have been married to an addict for 8 years. He was in recovery when we met and probably the most healthy and positive man I had ever met. Then came a series of events in our lives that he has never recovered from emotionally. He has used meth in the past, but the biggest problem for us has been prescribed medications such as methadone, vicodin, xanax.........too many to list. So today, as I'm checking our bank statement, I see he picked up another (!!!!!) prescription yesterday. He has been in rehab three times in the last year for this! I have told him time and again, that if he wants to live like this, that's his decision, but that I don't want to live like that. Promises, promises. So when he came home for lunch, I told him if he wants me to stay, he needs to go to a meeting a day or else. Problem is, I'm not sure I am strong enough to walk out. It is my house too and I don't want to leave and either does he.....
So here I am again, thanks for "listening".
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 176
thank u itisatruth... welcome to SR. thru sharing n reading these posts i have grown. reaching out is important... ur thread is useful to many here.
u may not think it right now but u are a strong person... u made it here to share.
i'm not saying u should walk out, only u can make that choice... all i can say its not the only option.... i go into all options n then weigh up the pros n cons n outcomes of each action... helps me personally to understand what "i" believe is the important issues. u may find from replies to ur thread there may be other things u have not yet considered. u know best how much thought n care u need to have in making these decisions... have confidence u know whats best fot you. if u want to support ur partner n remain together n the same home, sift thru the issues n come out healed n happier. u can try give him the positve encouragement needed for recovery... only u will know if its in vain... n what cost it is to u as a person. sorry if this is not helpful... good luck n love b with u.
u may not think it right now but u are a strong person... u made it here to share.
i'm not saying u should walk out, only u can make that choice... all i can say its not the only option.... i go into all options n then weigh up the pros n cons n outcomes of each action... helps me personally to understand what "i" believe is the important issues. u may find from replies to ur thread there may be other things u have not yet considered. u know best how much thought n care u need to have in making these decisions... have confidence u know whats best fot you. if u want to support ur partner n remain together n the same home, sift thru the issues n come out healed n happier. u can try give him the positve encouragement needed for recovery... only u will know if its in vain... n what cost it is to u as a person. sorry if this is not helpful... good luck n love b with u.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Hey - you found a good place here at SR!!
There will be many more voices soon to share their experience strength & hope.
I'll second whoever suggested AlAnon/Naranon to you in your past. It is worth checking out, for me it was a total eye-opener/life-changer. Education about addiction and co-dependency is a crucial step in finding recovery for YOURSELF!!
For now, just take one day at a time, one baby step at a time.
Don't worry yet about whether you are strong enough to walk out or about the house, or all those big questions, take it easy, take a deep breath and read as many useful posts on here as you can...
This is the first day of the rest of your life---but it's just the first day!! so take it easy!
Peace,
B.
There will be many more voices soon to share their experience strength & hope.
I'll second whoever suggested AlAnon/Naranon to you in your past. It is worth checking out, for me it was a total eye-opener/life-changer. Education about addiction and co-dependency is a crucial step in finding recovery for YOURSELF!!
For now, just take one day at a time, one baby step at a time.
Don't worry yet about whether you are strong enough to walk out or about the house, or all those big questions, take it easy, take a deep breath and read as many useful posts on here as you can...
This is the first day of the rest of your life---but it's just the first day!! so take it easy!
Peace,
B.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
Posts: 741
Originally Posted by itisatruth 
I have told him time and again, that if he wants to live like this, that's his decision, but that I don't want to live like that. Promises, promises. So when he came home for lunch, I told him if he wants me to stay, he needs to go to a meeting a day or else.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Wow...its only been a little while, and already there are people posting stuff I probably need to hear. What strikes me most so far is that I don't need to make a life-changing decision right now, but take it "one day at a time". I have heard that phrase from going to meetings with him, but I never really thought about it for me. I have always felt that something must be wrong with me for staying this long. Maybe I should try to not be so hard on myself and realize I am not perfect.....no one is.
Thank you azteacher, Bernadette, and Conez for your thoughts....will be back tomorrow
Thank you azteacher, Bernadette, and Conez for your thoughts....will be back tomorrow
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
quote:Maybe I should try to not be so hard on myself and realize I am not perfect.....no one is.
honey, you have no reason to feel guilty. why be hard on yourself? this is not your fault. you are not the addict & you are not doing anything wrong. keep reading. you do not have to make a decision today. make boundries for you & your home. when you make them just make sure you are ready to enforce them.
welcome to S.R. keep coming back. there is a lot of support here. prayers,
honey, you have no reason to feel guilty. why be hard on yourself? this is not your fault. you are not the addict & you are not doing anything wrong. keep reading. you do not have to make a decision today. make boundries for you & your home. when you make them just make sure you are ready to enforce them.
welcome to S.R. keep coming back. there is a lot of support here. prayers,
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