LaTeeDa

I've been having some insights lately and this one was so big, I decided to share it.

Before I met my husband, I thought, if only I could find "the one" THEN I would be happy. When I met him and decided he was "the one" I thought, once we get married THEN I will be happy. Once we were married I thought, when we have children, THEN I will be happy. After we had children I thought, once we buy our own house, THEN I will be happy. After we bought our own house and the alcohol began to cause problems I thought, when he gets sober THEN I will be happy. When he got sober and we tried to work on our marriage I thought, we will work out our problems and get back together and THEN I will be happy.

I've spent my entire life making my happiness dependent on other people and external events. It saddens me to think of all the joy I must have missed along the way because I was so focused on the future and the next thing that would make me happy.

I've finally learned that I could've been happy all along. All those things I thought would make me happy didn't and happiness has been inside me the whole time. I just refused to accept it. I'm so grateful to have finally found it. I just wasn't looking in the right place.

I hope this means something to someone out there. I was going to write it in my journal, but it felt like something that needed to be shared..............

L

sailorjohn

Thanks for the reminder, like the sticker says, happiness is an inside job.

DESIGNER

I can relate to this also but the thing about it is that when I did find "the one" or so I thought I was happy. I remember being so at ease at times and yes I did want marriage and I did want kids but I remember thinking that if we were at least working toward all that.....like talking about it and saving up for a home...etc....I would have been content and happy with that. The thing about it is that I was happy and content and then all of a sudden he would throw me a curve ball and I was unhappy and it kind of pushed my dreams back.

gns

This is so awesome LateeDa!!!
I completely understand what you mean.

Somehow (for me anyway) it seems to keep coming back to live and be present in the moment and be grateful for what is here, now.

LaTeeDa

This is exactly what I mean by making your happiness dependent on someone else.

Have you ever known one of those people who it seems like everything always goes their way? Even when something seemingly bad happens to them, it always seems to work out for the best? And they are usually happy and peaceful and generally in good spirits? And you think to yourself, well geez, if everything always worked out for me, I would be happy and peaceful, too!

What if the reason things always seem to work out for them is because they are happy and peaceful? What if things always go their way because they are in sync with the universe instead of opposing and resisting it? What if it's because they are grateful for what they have and gladly take the riches life offers them instead of insisting on certain outcomes? What if it's because they are happily enjoying the journey instead of trying to get to some preconceived destination?

Just something I've been pondering lately..................

L

aztchr

Great reminder, LTD! Again back to making choices for ourselves! The best part is that we can always choose to change. Yes, it takes work, but it's worth it!

LaTeeDa

I also wanted to clarify that all those things in the original post happened over a 20-year span. And I was happy for a short time after each one of those things happened. But, it never lasted. Always within a couple of years, there was something more I thought I needed. Short-term happiness is easy to get. I'm looking for long-term happiness now. And now I realize that it doesn't take someone or something to have it. It takes a different perspective.

L

Serenity8

I can completely relate to all the posts on this thread. I am struggling with making myself happy right now, but at least I know it is possible and I have the tools to help get me there. I need to remind myself to pray and turn it over to my higher power but I keep falling into old patterns and forgetting.

lexusgirl

Ditto to all of what you said!

Old patterns are so hard to get out of..I'm doing a little better, but I manage to slip back more times then I'd care to count.

denny57

I've been thinking about this. I have always been a pretty happy person. Happy with what I had, happy to just wake up in the morning. I was never one to dream of marriage, children, the house with the picket fence. All I ever wanted to do was create. When I met AH, that was his desire, too. Together we thought we'd set the world on fire.

Then the disease progressed and he became more miserable every passing year. That's when I started the "then-ing" for him. If he makes another sale, then he'll be happy; when we have enough money in the bank, then he'll be happy; etc. Looking back I can see there came a point where I didn't have anything I looked to for happiness, except the hope he would get happy. And that's when I started running myself ragged trying to fulfill his needs so he would finally be happy.

In the 2 and a half years since we parted, I have "recovered' that part of me that is just pretty darn happy to wake up every day. Even in the thick of stressful times, at my core I am happy to be alive.

Great thread; thank you.

aztchr

I was a happy person before I met my ex. I always saw the positives and was so grateful. However, I let my own light dim as the disease progressed because how could I be so happy when he was so miserable. I was sinking my own ship.

Now that I'm not with my ex, I'm getting back to being my happy self again. My ex didn't cause my pain and unhappiness. I allowed myself to let go of it. If misery loves company, I won't mind being alone and happy.

DetachMe9

So that's where I'm going! I've had the map and the general direction, just couldn't make out the destination. But I see it now, it's..........



"Anvilhead-ville".

Kindeyes

Those are powerful words.....I let my own light dim.....I like the way you put that......can I use it?

I've done my share of "then I will be happy". So here's my new version of "then". I wish I knew THEN what I know now. lol

It's all part of the journey.....actually I'm just really glad I'm learning NOW what I'm learning and hope that I have the wisdom and courage to apply those things in the future.....and never let my own light dim again.

gentle hugs

DESIGNER

ok la tee da I do see your point now. I was relying on him and what he could give me in order to get my own happiness. Gosh when I think that I am getting better something like that comes out of my mouth....LOL.

denny57

When I was/am able to recognize it in myself, I WAS and AM getting better.

((( )))

carolineb

LaTee~

Well said.....and so true. Sounds like someone is a Wayne Dyer believer?

carolineb

Anvil..............Beautiful.

LaTeeDa

Interestingly enough, I have only seen a few minutes of him on PBS. And I've never read any of his books, although they have been recommended to me. One thing I have found though, is that there are many teachers out there and there are many universal themes to the teaching regarding happiness. I have read many books from Melodie Beatty to Kahlil Gibran and they all say pretty much the same things, just in different ways.

L

GiveLove

I'm with you, ltd. I wasn't truly free until I gave myself time to pack my life full of things that made ME happy --- a calling, friendships that feed me, all kinds of things to learn, a spiritual life, fun and fulfilling hobbies, and mostly just learning what kind of person I was, what I loved in the world.

When I got there (well....closer), then I didn't have to wait to be happy any more, because I wasn't affected by someone else's actions nearly as much any more.

It's like that parable....who came up with it? About equating life's problems with a spoonful of salt. If you add a spoonful of salt to a glass of water, it affects it profoundly, making it salty and icky. If you add that same spoonful to a clear mountain lake, it makes very little difference at all. We can't fully control how much salt life deals us.....but we can control the size of our vessel, so it doesn't destroy our happiness when trouble comes our way. I always loved that.

Thanks for this thread. I've decided to be happy today.

LaTeeDa

That's one of my favorites. Also, this one:

Life is a Do-it-yourself project.

L