katyk

One day at a time... I found great comfort in this phrase when I started going to AlAnon several months back, because I didn't want to think too much about the future. I wasn't ready, for a number of good reasons, to do any big changes in my life and I needed to focus on myself for awhile and gain back some strength.

But now, I want my life to be different and I feel frustrated and lost. I've discussed separation with the AH, but we don't have a plan yet and I have no idea how I'll get to the place I know I need to go. Maybe I'm not 100% ready to separate/divorce? But I can't stand my life as it is, but getting to a better place seems daunting to say the least. I feel stuck, and very far away from my HP.

I'm overwhelmed, I know, as I'm dealing with grad school and more-than-fulltime work on top of all this. I'm trying to make decisions to take care of myself; I stayed with my friend this week to get some decent sleep, and I've missed a few AlAnon meetings due to my brutal work schedule but will go this weekend.

I'm praying for clarity. Thanks for "listening"

hope213

i am praying for clarity for you also. you do not have to make any decisions today. just live in today & take baby steps. when the time comes you will know what to do.hugs,

Chino

"Whoever wants to reach a distant goal must take small steps."

"A goal is just a dream until you write it down."

I can post a zillion more if you need them

Prayers for you and don't forget to breathe!

greeteachday

Sending hugs...I totally understand how you are feeling and lots of prayers for clarity and serenity. I sometimes struggle with living in today yet planning for tomorrow. It does help me to write things out...what I want my life to be like in a year, 2, 5...little steps I can take to get to that point. It certainly sounds as if you are taking steps...continuing your education, getting out of the house to get some much needed rest, attending meetings. Sometimes it is hard for us to see our own progress, but others can see it in us.
Not sure if you are ready for separation/divorce but need a change...What about just living separately for a bit..is it possible? Perhaps the distance can give you some of the clarity you seek.
Hugs and prayers

katyk

That's what I'm moving towards. He has an all-or-nothing attitude, like "if I'm out, that's it." And if that's true for him, so be it. I'm prepared to risk my marriage over this one.

* * *

Thanks to everyone for their comments. I had a pretty productive conversation with my AH. He's still resisting, but less so, and starting to understand I mean business (can't blame him for doubting me, because I haven't lived up to my threats in the past). We don't have a date or a plan yet, but we're talking about it in a way that I feel like we might be able to more forward with this one. I'm feeling a little stronger.

lostnow

I understand how you feel, my AH wants answers now right now and I have had to say if you want the answers today then fine we will get divorced.

It's so hard for me to live day by day, I feel like I'm living my life in limbo even though we are separated but divorcing doesn't yet feel right and being together doesn't so I just keep trying to take it day by day.

itisatruth

Hi katyk,

I'm new to this site (just joined) and blogging in general. But I just wanted to say that I am in a very similar place right now. And if I have learned anything in my "life" living with husband, its that you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Maybe someday I will take my own advice, but for now my prayers will be with you....

aztchr

Today is a good someday.

itisatruth

It IS a good someday. After reading some stuff yesterday about codependents and a lot of the posts here on SR, I decided to take some steps for myself. So far in my marriage when dealing with relapses, I have shut myself up in the house and lost touch with friends and things I like to do. So, this week I am going to concentrate on two things: working out again and getting in touch with friends and family I haven't talked to in a while. Next, I want to try to go to an Al-Anon meeting. I guess its good that I'm on spring break this week so I can actually have time for myself.

Thanks to all who have posted....it truly means a lot to me that you are out there!

Serenity8

This is a really great thread, I can relate to so much written on it.

I was really struggling with the one day at a time stuff, and I am also planning to divorce my husband. I've even already retained a lawyer.

But, I recently had the epiphany that "one day at a time" doesn't mean just going on every day pretending there isn't a tomorrow or a future, but it's about making the most of TODAY. What can you do TODAY to be more productive? What can you do TODAY to make yourself happier?

For me, I realized that instead of wallowing and being overwhelmed with all I have to do, what I need to do is take action and baby steps TODAY. So for today, I decided to finish up some things that will make my life easier for tomorrow and the coming week. That includes making a list of priorities for myself, and doing a couple of things I had been procrastinating to get done.

And I've also had issues getting to meetings lately, mostly because I can't always find babysitting for my kids. It is what led me to find this message board; I figured I could try to find online meetings/support and here it is.

I pray for clarity all the time. And I read my "courage to change book" all the time, too. It helps. Be kind and patient to yourself.

katyk

MizSerenity, I can relate to what you are saying. This board is a great place to visit in between meetings, and I've just started AlAnon so I'm not hooked up with a sponsor or many friends yet.

Yesterday, as I was leaving to go out of town, my AH approached me with a number of problems he had. How he expected me to fix them I'm not sure, but it was so great to step back and say "good luck with those, I'm leaving now." I had a good weekend focused on "me" and I'm feeling much better. My AH is going out of state, and when he returns it will be to move out. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there.

Thanks to all who responded.