Prayers! I put on my Big Girl Al-Anon Panties! Son visiting for 5 days!
StrivingToThrive
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
Prayers! I put on my Big Girl Al-Anon Panties! Son visiting for 5 days!
Hey Friends,
So my son is coming home for a visit for 5 days. It is my dad, his Grandpa's 80th Birthday.
Such mixed, anxious, feelings. looking forward to seeing him and not looking forward to it.
He knows there will be no smoking pot while here, and he won't be allowed in if he is high. ( "I knowww mom!")
But I already feel my stress level going up. I was looking forward to this short visit. But I feel my thoughts drifting to what if he goes to visit a "friend?" I am fighting/working on those feelings. I know with me detachment comes easier without a front row seat.
He is a Vegan, Rastafarian, Dreadlocks Growing, kinda guy these days. The changes would be easier to take if Pot wasn't such an important part of it for him. On the phone he will occasionally try to lecture me on health and my lifestyle but I shut it down pretty quickly.
It could be a warm, fun, weekend, if we both stay away from judgment.
(prayers!)
But my thoughts are already going to, "What will he look like? What will the rest of my extremely large family think/or say about it?"
I know that's the co-Dependant talking but I needed to be honest and get it out here.
I am finding out so much growth still needed in that area.
so I am putting on the Extra-Large. Double-Reinforced. Granny Al-anon Panties.
and arming myself with all skills learned so far.
Wish me luck and prayers please. he gets in tonight at 11 pm.
Cathy
So my son is coming home for a visit for 5 days. It is my dad, his Grandpa's 80th Birthday.
Such mixed, anxious, feelings. looking forward to seeing him and not looking forward to it.
He knows there will be no smoking pot while here, and he won't be allowed in if he is high. ( "I knowww mom!")
But I already feel my stress level going up. I was looking forward to this short visit. But I feel my thoughts drifting to what if he goes to visit a "friend?" I am fighting/working on those feelings. I know with me detachment comes easier without a front row seat.
He is a Vegan, Rastafarian, Dreadlocks Growing, kinda guy these days. The changes would be easier to take if Pot wasn't such an important part of it for him. On the phone he will occasionally try to lecture me on health and my lifestyle but I shut it down pretty quickly.
It could be a warm, fun, weekend, if we both stay away from judgment.
(prayers!)But my thoughts are already going to, "What will he look like? What will the rest of my extremely large family think/or say about it?"
I know that's the co-Dependant talking but I needed to be honest and get it out here.
I am finding out so much growth still needed in that area.
so I am putting on the Extra-Large. Double-Reinforced. Granny Al-anon Panties.
and arming myself with all skills learned so far.Wish me luck and prayers please. he gets in tonight at 11 pm.
Cathy
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
QUOTE<<<<<<<<<But my thoughts are already going to, "What will he look like? What will the rest of my extremely large family think/or say about it?">>>>>>>>>>QUOTE
It's your dad's birthday, just enjoy that. Who cares what others think, it's none of our buisness what others think of us.
You'll be fine if you don't think about the what if's and just live for the moment.
have fun for crying out loud.
It's your dad's birthday, just enjoy that. Who cares what others think, it's none of our buisness what others think of us.
You'll be fine if you don't think about the what if's and just live for the moment.
have fun for crying out loud.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Cathy
Remember this....Don't get undies in a bunch
and when he shows up just say...Hey Mon hwz life treatn ya *LOL*
You will do fine. He will look out of place but he has adjusted and accepts that.
Let him deal with what others think. It isn't your problem.
Remember this....Don't get undies in a bunch
and when he shows up just say...Hey Mon hwz life treatn ya *LOL*
You will do fine. He will look out of place but he has adjusted and accepts that.
Let him deal with what others think. It isn't your problem.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
((((cece)))) you have come so far. i agree, don't worry what other people think. it is none of there business & really who gives a hoot what they think. enjoy your dads b-day,enjoy easter. be glad your son will be there. who knows what will happen in a year. one word of advise. keep your boundries set with your son & try not to have an personal conversation with him. prayers for you all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: N. California
Posts: 50
Cece, he is your son so who cares what the rest of the family thinks. If he is big enough to be different, he should be prepared well enough now to deal with it. (and hey, dreads can be kinda cute right) Enjoy your time with him and just keep on knowing that you've set your boundaries for the visit, it is now up to him to stick to them, not up to you to keep reminding him. Have a great weekend!!
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Hi Cathy,
Eckhart Tolle just addressed being with an addict on Monday. His response:
"Become present with your son and give him the space to be. Be with him in conscious presence not wanting anything from him (including change). Stop bringing resistence into the relationship because what we resists persists. Worry has no useful purpose and never brings abt. change. Work on bringing peace within yourself 1st as an agent for change. If some things change in ourselves it is of true service rather than contributing to turmoil."
You have 5 wonderful days with your son. Try to stay in the present moment with him.
Focus on the things you love about him. Accepting his appearance will go a long way.
I am posting to you but really speaking to myself and the behavior I am aiming for. Maybe you can relate.
If we can learn to relax and - just be- with our sons, everyone for that matter.
It really is about us.
You must be on spring recess this week. I hope you're having a wonderful week.
Eckhart Tolle just addressed being with an addict on Monday. His response:
"Become present with your son and give him the space to be. Be with him in conscious presence not wanting anything from him (including change). Stop bringing resistence into the relationship because what we resists persists. Worry has no useful purpose and never brings abt. change. Work on bringing peace within yourself 1st as an agent for change. If some things change in ourselves it is of true service rather than contributing to turmoil."
You have 5 wonderful days with your son. Try to stay in the present moment with him.
Focus on the things you love about him. Accepting his appearance will go a long way.
I am posting to you but really speaking to myself and the behavior I am aiming for. Maybe you can relate.
If we can learn to relax and - just be- with our sons, everyone for that matter.
It really is about us.
You must be on spring recess this week. I hope you're having a wonderful week.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Not a mom, but I can imagine, and I agree with everyone, let him be who he is. It's family!
I have nephews, and most all look quite respectable. The oldest 2 are 19 now and one is a clean-cut nice looking guy with a smile that melts your heart. The other one looks like a little hood, long hair that's curly and messy with a hat (always a hat!), pants down to you know where, but at least the big T-shirts cover everything. He too has a smile that will melt your heart. You know, I love all my nephews, but it is this second nephew I told you about that consistently reaches out to me and likes to spend time with me (go figure! But I love every minute of it
), and I proudly go anywhere with this rough looking kid! He's wonderful, even with his baggy pants and long hair!
Enjoy your son, enjoy your weekend, enjoy your family. It will all be wonderful I'm sure!
I have nephews, and most all look quite respectable. The oldest 2 are 19 now and one is a clean-cut nice looking guy with a smile that melts your heart. The other one looks like a little hood, long hair that's curly and messy with a hat (always a hat!), pants down to you know where, but at least the big T-shirts cover everything. He too has a smile that will melt your heart. You know, I love all my nephews, but it is this second nephew I told you about that consistently reaches out to me and likes to spend time with me (go figure! But I love every minute of it
), and I proudly go anywhere with this rough looking kid! He's wonderful, even with his baggy pants and long hair!Enjoy your son, enjoy your weekend, enjoy your family. It will all be wonderful I'm sure!
StrivingToThrive
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
thank you everyone,
Spiritual seeker: perfect message. and isn't that always how it is? We speak to others as we speak to ourselves. Thank you for that.
I am humbled right now. and feel a little misty, because I don't like this side of me when it shows its self as judgmental.
I needed the focus and seem to be getting it.:ghug
My anxiety is easing with everyone's response to ENJOY my time with him. It is a gift. And he is pretty special to me.
Cathy
Spiritual seeker: perfect message. and isn't that always how it is? We speak to others as we speak to ourselves. Thank you for that.
I am humbled right now. and feel a little misty, because I don't like this side of me when it shows its self as judgmental.
I needed the focus and seem to be getting it.:ghug
My anxiety is easing with everyone's response to ENJOY my time with him. It is a gift. And he is pretty special to me.
Cathy
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Cathy,
I've heard it said "what other people think of me is really none of my business".
Enjoy the time with your son. There are many here who can't be in the physical company of their kids anymore... take the blessing!
Hugs
Cats
I've heard it said "what other people think of me is really none of my business".
Enjoy the time with your son. There are many here who can't be in the physical company of their kids anymore... take the blessing!
Hugs
Cats
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 388
"I've heard it said "what other people think of me is really none of my business"
Wow, I have also heard that wise phrase before.
(The person that I heard it from used to have her dress stuffed into her "big -girl" panties.... )
Kay-ser-ra.... ser-ra.....
Just relax and enjoy your time together.
What will be, will be.
Colleen
Wow, I have also heard that wise phrase before.
(The person that I heard it from used to have her dress stuffed into her "big -girl" panties....
)Kay-ser-ra.... ser-ra.....
Just relax and enjoy your time together.
What will be, will be.
Colleen
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Shoot, Cece, just put on a little Bob Marley and veg out with the boy, mon.
Seriously, I hope you have a wonderful time loving up your son and dad. I imagine your son is really looking forward to putting on his best behavior for his grandad also. Keep us posted!
Seriously, I hope you have a wonderful time loving up your son and dad. I imagine your son is really looking forward to putting on his best behavior for his grandad also. Keep us posted!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
When I don't know how things will go, when I'm not sure what I could or should do...I just show up and let life happen. It always does. 
Let go of the worry and just have some fun with this. It's okay to smile as you throw his butt out if he messes up, then keep that smile and keep going, enjoying each day.
Hugs
Let go of the worry and just have some fun with this. It's okay to smile as you throw his butt out if he messes up, then keep that smile and keep going, enjoying each day.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
I too have had to deal with the baggy pants (Please please at least have clean boxers on!!) and the hoodie over the head and etc etc etc....
but these days....who cares? (and I must admit it has gotten much better)
I am just so happy to look in his eyes and see "him" there and see the smile and feel the hug and rejoice in the blessing that he has survived (so far)
(((mom hugs)))
but these days....who cares? (and I must admit it has gotten much better)
I am just so happy to look in his eyes and see "him" there and see the smile and feel the hug and rejoice in the blessing that he has survived (so far)
(((mom hugs)))
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