Just got a HUGE Guilt trip!
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Just got a HUGE Guilt trip!
More of the same today. Did have to talk to him as by his message he was not going to move forward on taxes without a call. Knew it was a tactic to get back to the house issue, but I tried to put it to rest when the call started saying all I was discussing was the taxes. Let myself get sucked into a few things, but held my own quite well considering and kept coming back to the subject at hand. Of course it was so confusing that he kept saying I wouldn't make up my mind, or make a decision, or whatever - my clear statements apparently were not what he wanted to hear. Then it came - The Email. I'm trying very hard, and thank goodness I have therapy today, but he only puts in writing what sounds so good - no emails about other stuff, just when it's about him. I know this but I'm having a tough time here. "I wish you could see all the effort and money I put into the things because I did not want to feel bad when you were the one with all the money I wanted to feel good that I had provided for my family, I wish you would not bring up the pills and other stuff I have worked past that" and it goes on.
Typing it out alone helps me see better already, HE wanted to feel better, HE wants to be recognized for his accomplishments. I see it. Besides the blatant untruth about me having more money, etc. Not feeling it yet, but this is helping. I have to say, he pushed the the "I thought we were going to be married forever" button during the phone call, of which I'm tired of hearing so shortly said popping pills and looking at porn does not contribute to a marriage, and moved it back to the subject at hand. I don't feel good about that.
I have therapy tonight and I'll take this with me. I know I was wrong for my comment, so I'm not trying to justify that - I know that. I feel that this email tho is below the belt too.
I don't know what to think.
Typing it out alone helps me see better already, HE wanted to feel better, HE wants to be recognized for his accomplishments. I see it. Besides the blatant untruth about me having more money, etc. Not feeling it yet, but this is helping. I have to say, he pushed the the "I thought we were going to be married forever" button during the phone call, of which I'm tired of hearing so shortly said popping pills and looking at porn does not contribute to a marriage, and moved it back to the subject at hand. I don't feel good about that.
I have therapy tonight and I'll take this with me. I know I was wrong for my comment, so I'm not trying to justify that - I know that. I feel that this email tho is below the belt too.
I don't know what to think.
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
There was a time that I took so many guilt trips that I wished I could at least get frequent flyer miles for them!
My ex played every card he could. He pushed every button he could push. He enlisted friends, family, church people, anyone and everyone he could find in order to get me to change my mind once I had finally had ENOUGH.
What helped me? A great counselor and a lot of Al Anon meetings. I learned to quit talking to certain people about what was going on because they really truly didn't understand. When well meaning CLUELESS people asked me questions about our impending divorce, I learned to tell them that it was a private and painful matter, and I was sure they would appreciate my decision to keep private things private. That stopped most of them in their tracks.
Good luck. Keep doing the right thing for you. If you can walk thru this with dignity and grace you won't have any amends to make later.
HUGS
Cats
My ex played every card he could. He pushed every button he could push. He enlisted friends, family, church people, anyone and everyone he could find in order to get me to change my mind once I had finally had ENOUGH.
What helped me? A great counselor and a lot of Al Anon meetings. I learned to quit talking to certain people about what was going on because they really truly didn't understand. When well meaning CLUELESS people asked me questions about our impending divorce, I learned to tell them that it was a private and painful matter, and I was sure they would appreciate my decision to keep private things private. That stopped most of them in their tracks.
Good luck. Keep doing the right thing for you. If you can walk thru this with dignity and grace you won't have any amends to make later.
HUGS
Cats
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