I am afraid
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
I am afraid
I have always tried to have a positive outlook on thingsbut tonight my world feels like its crumbling before my eyes. My husband has started his drinking binge again. Two days ago I went through pure hell with him and thought I was dealing with a demon and I was. ALCOHOL. My husband whom I love dearly and have since I was 11 years old told me he was gonna stab me to death. He said" The babies will wake up with no mother becasue the ambulance is going to take her away from here." That night he had taken money out of my wallet and took the keys to my van and drove to the store. He didn't come home for hours. When he did come home he told me he had ran over a cat and he really enjoyed it. He told me that I was a lazy B**** even though I keep our house spotless because I have OCD and I'm always caring for the children. He kept me awake until 4 am. He tortured me verbally, made extra loud noises to wake everyone up and kept on until he finally passed out at 4. He wouldn't stop. I gathered up some courage tonight to call my mother and I spilled the beans. She told me that she didn't know what to say that she was in shock. She said she had to think on it and she would call me in the morning. His mother is here and she is a wreck as well. Tonight he is passed out in the bed and we are tiptoeing around him so he won't wake up. His threats have become my reality and I'm am afraid for the first time in years. He doesn't even remember saying anything to me the other night. Yesterday was fine. He stayed in the bed most of the day and my nerves were so tore up that I souldn't eat anything and I had dry heaves all day. Now today he's done it again. I'm just sick of it. I am sick to my stomach and I feel like I'm gonna lose it. I need some advice and encouragement tonight.
Lost in NC,
2many2count
Lost in NC,
2many2count
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
Hi 2many - I feel the pain in your post and I am so sorry to know that things are going from bad to worse. The only advice I can give to you is to PLEASE call the police if your husband is threatening you. We don't usually tell people what to do here - usually just gentle suggestions in the right direction, but when it comes to abuse, then it becomes a whole other issue. Your husband's drinking is out of control and if he cannot control his mouth, then his fists may be next. Please don't allow yourself to be lulled into a false sense of security - do what you have to do for you and your children. I have more I'd like to say to you, but I have to go. I am thinking of you and I will say a prayer for you and your kids tonight.
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Baton Rouge, LA
Posts: 10
Hi!
You sound so scared! I'm scared for you too -- Can you get out? He's threatened you verbally, sweetie -- it's time to go....Can you stay with your Mom for awhile? With anybody?
Just my opinion. Your hubbie could also be in a manic phase of bi-polar, has he been diagnosed before? It sounds like he might be cycling through a mini-manic phase. I would check on that too. (will he go to the doctor?).
There are some psychologists on the boards who might help you. Try your local help line too -- we have a "cope" line here -- do you have a crisis hot line where you are?
You are in my prayers.
Nikki
You sound so scared! I'm scared for you too -- Can you get out? He's threatened you verbally, sweetie -- it's time to go....Can you stay with your Mom for awhile? With anybody?
Just my opinion. Your hubbie could also be in a manic phase of bi-polar, has he been diagnosed before? It sounds like he might be cycling through a mini-manic phase. I would check on that too. (will he go to the doctor?).
There are some psychologists on the boards who might help you. Try your local help line too -- we have a "cope" line here -- do you have a crisis hot line where you are?
You are in my prayers.
Nikki
~Author of My Life~
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
(((2many)))
I am worried about you. Please do what you have to to be safe!! You do not have to take the abuse, I know it is really tough on you with all the kids and all, but your safety comes first. Get to a safe place, please. I will be praying for you sweetie.
Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie
I am worried about you. Please do what you have to to be safe!! You do not have to take the abuse, I know it is really tough on you with all the kids and all, but your safety comes first. Get to a safe place, please. I will be praying for you sweetie.
Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Iowa USA
Posts: 102
get going
IF it were your daughter in this situation, what would you tell her?
My opinion: it has gone too far. Get the heck out of Dodge, any way you can. Get him out or get going yourself. Don't be alone with him. Write us again quick.
Much love and special prayers to you tonight.
My opinion: it has gone too far. Get the heck out of Dodge, any way you can. Get him out or get going yourself. Don't be alone with him. Write us again quick.
Much love and special prayers to you tonight.
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
(((2many)))
This may be the time to get out.
You need to protect yourself and the kids, hell with anything
else. won't his mom or yours let you stay with them?
2Many I feel that you know what you need to do, not sit around waiting to see what he'll do next, as Nikita ,country and 2step suggested, Go.
God bless and keep you all safe- verbal abuse can be so overwhelming, I have been there.sat in an all night restaurant, slept at work and noone knew. My bi polar son in his mania made my life hell, your husband may have other problems here.
love liddy
This may be the time to get out.
You need to protect yourself and the kids, hell with anything
else. won't his mom or yours let you stay with them?
2Many I feel that you know what you need to do, not sit around waiting to see what he'll do next, as Nikita ,country and 2step suggested, Go.
God bless and keep you all safe- verbal abuse can be so overwhelming, I have been there.sat in an all night restaurant, slept at work and noone knew. My bi polar son in his mania made my life hell, your husband may have other problems here.
love liddy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
My mother is going to call me back sometime either tonight or early in the morning. I don't have anyone I can stay with.
He is passed out for now and I'm going to hide all of the knives. I plan on sleeping with the children on the top bunk tonight and call his psychiatrist in the morning. Yes, he is bipolar and he is manic right now. I am in such shock because of the turn to violence here lately. My plan is to have him committed tomorrow and go to my mothers for a while if her husband will let us. My two oldest children are going to the mountains with my father tomorrow and coming back on Tuesday so I'll have that time to get a plan together minus two children who are seriously affected by this situation.
My head is just spinning right now.....I can't explain the emotion. I have PTSD and its causing me to have flashbacks of abuse from my previous husband. I'm just a mess right now.
I love you guys. I really don't know what I'd do without all of you. You listen and give me the responses I NEED to hear. Thank you so much!
Lost in NC,
2many2count
He is passed out for now and I'm going to hide all of the knives. I plan on sleeping with the children on the top bunk tonight and call his psychiatrist in the morning. Yes, he is bipolar and he is manic right now. I am in such shock because of the turn to violence here lately. My plan is to have him committed tomorrow and go to my mothers for a while if her husband will let us. My two oldest children are going to the mountains with my father tomorrow and coming back on Tuesday so I'll have that time to get a plan together minus two children who are seriously affected by this situation.
My head is just spinning right now.....I can't explain the emotion. I have PTSD and its causing me to have flashbacks of abuse from my previous husband. I'm just a mess right now.
I love you guys. I really don't know what I'd do without all of you. You listen and give me the responses I NEED to hear. Thank you so much!
Lost in NC,
2many2count
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
2 many
I am surrounding you with God's love, prayers and my love...
Please take care of yourself, after all you are the only Mother your childern have.
Abuse is abuse: is abuse.....Sometimes we just have to take the action required to protect ourselves and our childern...
May God bless and keep you...
Please take care of yourself, after all you are the only Mother your childern have.
Abuse is abuse: is abuse.....Sometimes we just have to take the action required to protect ourselves and our childern...
May God bless and keep you...
Guest
Posts: n/a
2many,
I know what you are going through. I went through the same thing with my son last year. He suddenly turned violent during what I called awake -blackout drunk. It was awful. We had such a wonderful 3 months together when he was sober. He was kind and wonderful. One night of a binge and he became very violent. He got a knife and stabbed it in the fence right by me, tried to break all my windows and looked at me with such hate I can't describe it. I knew then that it was the alcohol affecting him in this way. I had to separate him from the alcohol and still make a logical choice. As much as I love him I had to separate myself from him. For his sake and mine. He could have killed me and not even known he did it.
You are in real danger even as I was. It will break your heart to separate from him just as it did mine to separate from my son. His blackouts were just too dangerous. This does not mean the relationship is over. It just means you have to keep you and your children safe for now. If you can't move in with family then it may be time to find a shelter. All you have to do is call a crisis line from the phone book. If he wakes up angry like that again you need to leave. Have phone numbers handy and a plan ahead of time so you are prepared. At least enough cash to get a motel room for a night.
We're all here for you. You're not alone.
Hugs,
MG
I know what you are going through. I went through the same thing with my son last year. He suddenly turned violent during what I called awake -blackout drunk. It was awful. We had such a wonderful 3 months together when he was sober. He was kind and wonderful. One night of a binge and he became very violent. He got a knife and stabbed it in the fence right by me, tried to break all my windows and looked at me with such hate I can't describe it. I knew then that it was the alcohol affecting him in this way. I had to separate him from the alcohol and still make a logical choice. As much as I love him I had to separate myself from him. For his sake and mine. He could have killed me and not even known he did it.
You are in real danger even as I was. It will break your heart to separate from him just as it did mine to separate from my son. His blackouts were just too dangerous. This does not mean the relationship is over. It just means you have to keep you and your children safe for now. If you can't move in with family then it may be time to find a shelter. All you have to do is call a crisis line from the phone book. If he wakes up angry like that again you need to leave. Have phone numbers handy and a plan ahead of time so you are prepared. At least enough cash to get a motel room for a night.
We're all here for you. You're not alone.
Hugs,
MG
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hi 2many,
Alcoholics CAN get sober... They do it after each drunk. I am guessing that he is a completelt DIFFERENT man when he is sober; he doesn't verbally abuse you, isn't violent or harsh... his thought patterns are somewhat "logical". But a dangerous thing can happen here. If you wait on this... if you hang around to "talk" to him, to "reason things out" once he is SOBER, chances are pretty good that you will manipulated into thinking that "things aren't so bad"; that "THIS time will be different".
I feel that what you need to do now is stop reacting, and take ACTION. Get you and your kids somewhere safe... Like the others said, it truly comes across to me that the situation has become very dangerous. I would hate to imagine that the next time he drinks, the kids and you would be literally running for your lives.
Please let us know how you are doing.
Take care
Meg
Alcoholics CAN get sober... They do it after each drunk. I am guessing that he is a completelt DIFFERENT man when he is sober; he doesn't verbally abuse you, isn't violent or harsh... his thought patterns are somewhat "logical". But a dangerous thing can happen here. If you wait on this... if you hang around to "talk" to him, to "reason things out" once he is SOBER, chances are pretty good that you will manipulated into thinking that "things aren't so bad"; that "THIS time will be different".
I feel that what you need to do now is stop reacting, and take ACTION. Get you and your kids somewhere safe... Like the others said, it truly comes across to me that the situation has become very dangerous. I would hate to imagine that the next time he drinks, the kids and you would be literally running for your lives.
Please let us know how you are doing.
Take care
Meg
Grace Under Fire
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Another world
Posts: 536
2many,
I'm glad his mother is there and hope she
is staying there
You don't have to wait until tomorrow to
have him committed, you can call the police
and tell them his condition and he is
a danger to himself and you, and there are
children involved. They can have him evaluated and committed for at least 72 hours NOW.
I am so worried about you, please take care
of you and your children first.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
I am praying for you and your family.
Hugs,
I'm glad his mother is there and hope she
is staying there
You don't have to wait until tomorrow to
have him committed, you can call the police
and tell them his condition and he is
a danger to himself and you, and there are
children involved. They can have him evaluated and committed for at least 72 hours NOW.
I am so worried about you, please take care
of you and your children first.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
I am praying for you and your family.
Hugs,
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
****{2many}}}
You said it yourself, you are afraid. I also read the fear in your post. There was a lot of good advice given to you and I hope you do act on some of it.
Top priority......safety for you and your kids. It's not going to be easy, but you are strong and you can do it.
I will be thinking of you today and you will all be in my thoughts and prayers.
Many hugs,
Debbie
You said it yourself, you are afraid. I also read the fear in your post. There was a lot of good advice given to you and I hope you do act on some of it.
Top priority......safety for you and your kids. It's not going to be easy, but you are strong and you can do it.
I will be thinking of you today and you will all be in my thoughts and prayers.
Many hugs,
Debbie
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Baton Rouge, LA
Posts: 10
((2many))
Keep this in mind: when you are scared, it is difficult to think straight. Your brain is having a difficult time processing this and knowing what the loving, logical thing to do is for everyone.
You need a little distance to get your head straight. Get it however you can. Then you can make a good choice for all.
No, the relationship doesn't have to be over. But you are the only one who has the ability to think straight right now.
Just keep repeating -- "I just need a bit of distance to get my head clear." Repeat it over and over and over again. Make it a mantra.
It will choke out the guilt and the confusion. It is a baby step. The first baby step.
Just keep saying it. Then do whatever you think comes next re: getting some space. First step first. First step first.
Let us know how you are!
You need a little distance to get your head straight. Get it however you can. Then you can make a good choice for all.
No, the relationship doesn't have to be over. But you are the only one who has the ability to think straight right now.
Just keep repeating -- "I just need a bit of distance to get my head clear." Repeat it over and over and over again. Make it a mantra.
It will choke out the guilt and the confusion. It is a baby step. The first baby step.
Just keep saying it. Then do whatever you think comes next re: getting some space. First step first. First step first.
Let us know how you are!
~Author of My Life~
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
Dearest 2many,
I lay in bed worrying about you last night, I was concerned when you logged off so quickly. Honey, you must get to a safe place and step off this carousel of abuse, you know in your heart it won't stop anytime soon. I don't normally tell someone what to do EXCEPT when they are in danger. I used to have to hide knives from my father, and when he was really manic and high I would have one under my pillow. YOU cannot live like this anymore, a prisoner in your own home. Go to your knees in prayer and tell God exactly how you are feeling and that you need his mercy and peace right now, He will provide for you and your babies..just believe. And we are all here for you, take some deep breathes and one step in front of the other...take my hand, I'm right beside you. Just know love and prayers are with you today and we know you have the strength to do this, just reach down into that part of your heart that knows what you have to do. Like the other ladies have said, yes it will hurt..but sweetie it will hurt worse when the violence escalates and you see your children scared day after day. I have been in situations where I thought I had no place to go, in fact I knew nobody would have me, but God knew more than I...and he provided, He will provide for you and your children too. I am praying for you.
Many (((HUGS))) and (((HOPE))),
Tammie
:kisshug:
I lay in bed worrying about you last night, I was concerned when you logged off so quickly. Honey, you must get to a safe place and step off this carousel of abuse, you know in your heart it won't stop anytime soon. I don't normally tell someone what to do EXCEPT when they are in danger. I used to have to hide knives from my father, and when he was really manic and high I would have one under my pillow. YOU cannot live like this anymore, a prisoner in your own home. Go to your knees in prayer and tell God exactly how you are feeling and that you need his mercy and peace right now, He will provide for you and your babies..just believe. And we are all here for you, take some deep breathes and one step in front of the other...take my hand, I'm right beside you. Just know love and prayers are with you today and we know you have the strength to do this, just reach down into that part of your heart that knows what you have to do. Like the other ladies have said, yes it will hurt..but sweetie it will hurt worse when the violence escalates and you see your children scared day after day. I have been in situations where I thought I had no place to go, in fact I knew nobody would have me, but God knew more than I...and he provided, He will provide for you and your children too. I am praying for you.
Many (((HUGS))) and (((HOPE))),
Tammie
:kisshug:
Member
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Utah
Posts: 330
I am not sure how it works when someone is manic, I have no experience with that, but I do know that episodes of violence are usually progressive. All before me have given sound advice and as difficult as it would be you are going to have to fake it till you make it with this one. Get the police involved. Call 911 and leave the phone off of the hook so he doesn't freak out on you for calling. Get the hell out of there when he is acting like that. That kind of trauma is awful for you and especially for the kids. You know all of this already, acting on it is the tough part. Always remember that you cannot take time back and if this got so bad that someone really gets hurt, you would never forgive yourself if you were passive about this. He is out of control, you owe it to yourself to stay safe! My prayers are with you. I know how difficult this is.
LG
LG
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
Hi again 2many. I had to run last night and sorry for the abrupt reply. I've been thinking about you and I hope you will be able to check in soon so that we know how you are doing today. You know how us codies are! 
Josie was right on the money when she said that if you call the police and tell them what you have told us here, they will be able to have your husband evaluated and get him the medical attention he so badly needs. With him being bipolar and drinking as well, it's a bad combination and if he cannot help himself, then someone with the authority to do it, will. Remember that you would not be hurting your husband by doing this. You would be helping all of you.
I understand how difficult all this is for you, and my heart goes out to you. Just do whatever is in your power to do for the safety of all, your husband included.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, 2many.
Josie was right on the money when she said that if you call the police and tell them what you have told us here, they will be able to have your husband evaluated and get him the medical attention he so badly needs. With him being bipolar and drinking as well, it's a bad combination and if he cannot help himself, then someone with the authority to do it, will. Remember that you would not be hurting your husband by doing this. You would be helping all of you.
I understand how difficult all this is for you, and my heart goes out to you. Just do whatever is in your power to do for the safety of all, your husband included.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, 2many.
Big kitty nose hugs
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Center of The World
Posts: 1,261
((((2many))))
Been thinking of you, and I really am sorry for you having such a painful let down in your life. I am here along with everyone else..hoping and praying for you and your family.
Love in spirit
Sky
Been thinking of you, and I really am sorry for you having such a painful let down in your life. I am here along with everyone else..hoping and praying for you and your family.
Love in spirit
Sky
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
2many....
OK! Get out RIGHT NOW! DO NOT STAY THERE WITH HIM! BELIEVE WHAT HE SAYS, ESPECIALLY IF HE WAS DRUNK SAYING IT! YOU ARE IN A VERY DANGEROUS SITUATION AND IT IS TIME TO STOP THE MADNESS. TAKE YOUR CHILDREN AND GET OUT! UNLESS YOU CAN KICK HIM OUT!
I am sorry if I seem very harsh but this is nothing to play with! This was a direct threat on your life. What else do you need to hear before you get out? Think about your children , for them , if you don;t care enough about yourself, please get away from this man immediately!
Report this threat to the police as well, keep a paper trail because you will need it!
God Bless!
I am sorry if I seem very harsh but this is nothing to play with! This was a direct threat on your life. What else do you need to hear before you get out? Think about your children , for them , if you don;t care enough about yourself, please get away from this man immediately!
Report this threat to the police as well, keep a paper trail because you will need it!
God Bless!
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