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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 30
first post
Sorry if I posted this twice, not sure if it went through...
Hi Everyone,
I'm new here, and would like to share my story. I've been married to AH for almost 20 years. He joined AA when we were first married and was sober for about 16 years. He had a relapse a few years ago, but then seemed to get back on track. Well last July the behavior started again, the drinking, lying, etc. It's only gotten worse since then. He drinks every day. Has gotten several tickets and a DUI. Found empty vodka bottles in his truck. He finally left in November, I believe, due to my constant dissaproval of his actions. I got scared and begged him to come back. When he did, the first 2 days he must have detoxed, because he slept and sweated so profusely, I could have filled a swimming pool. And the smell was awful. I have been seeing a counselor which has helped me immensely. I am trying to practice mindfulness and am reading an awesome book on codependency, which seems like it was written specifically about me.
Also in the midst of this we have a 19 year old daughter who is bulimic and has been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. She also has issues with alcohol and dependency on laxatives. After she refused to get help for her illnesses and refused to attend college, I kicked her out of our home(which was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life). Not a day goes by that I don't worry about her. The last day she was in our home she woke up next to 2 piles of vomit (from drinking). She's been staying with friends and during this time has been transported to the hospital due to intoxication and stomach pain(I know because the hospital bill came to our home).
I am learning much better to focus on me and not enable AH. I have a long way to go, though. I have allowed to a lot of innapropriate behavior to continue, for fear of his reactions, and I am starting to make him accountable for it. This is what his life is like currently...drinks all night, doesn't sleep and goes straight to work, comes home, straight to the couch with a pile of snacks and sleeps. He has fallen asleep with his hand in a bowl of icecream. Or if he can't stay up all night, he'll oversleep and get to work late. He's either in the garage drinking, at work, or passed out on couch. When he wakes for brief periods he is angry and irratable. I also caught him with cocaine and told him if I ever saw it again I would call the police.
It's hard to say everything in just one post, but I'm to the point where I have expressed my love and support, but am not receiving any indication of a willingness to change. My biggest problem right now, is that I'm a SAHM who hasn't worked in years, we have no savings and live paycheck to paycheck. We have 3 children living at home, 17, 13 and 6. Our house would barely sell for what we owe on it. I'm trying to work on getting our debt paid down, but it's a slow process. I have bad days, ok days and days like today when I need to close the door to my room and find something to throw while yelling that I can't take it anymore.
So....that's about it. Nice to meet you all, and I look forward being a part of this community.
Mary
Hi Everyone,
I'm new here, and would like to share my story. I've been married to AH for almost 20 years. He joined AA when we were first married and was sober for about 16 years. He had a relapse a few years ago, but then seemed to get back on track. Well last July the behavior started again, the drinking, lying, etc. It's only gotten worse since then. He drinks every day. Has gotten several tickets and a DUI. Found empty vodka bottles in his truck. He finally left in November, I believe, due to my constant dissaproval of his actions. I got scared and begged him to come back. When he did, the first 2 days he must have detoxed, because he slept and sweated so profusely, I could have filled a swimming pool. And the smell was awful. I have been seeing a counselor which has helped me immensely. I am trying to practice mindfulness and am reading an awesome book on codependency, which seems like it was written specifically about me.
Also in the midst of this we have a 19 year old daughter who is bulimic and has been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. She also has issues with alcohol and dependency on laxatives. After she refused to get help for her illnesses and refused to attend college, I kicked her out of our home(which was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life). Not a day goes by that I don't worry about her. The last day she was in our home she woke up next to 2 piles of vomit (from drinking). She's been staying with friends and during this time has been transported to the hospital due to intoxication and stomach pain(I know because the hospital bill came to our home).
I am learning much better to focus on me and not enable AH. I have a long way to go, though. I have allowed to a lot of innapropriate behavior to continue, for fear of his reactions, and I am starting to make him accountable for it. This is what his life is like currently...drinks all night, doesn't sleep and goes straight to work, comes home, straight to the couch with a pile of snacks and sleeps. He has fallen asleep with his hand in a bowl of icecream. Or if he can't stay up all night, he'll oversleep and get to work late. He's either in the garage drinking, at work, or passed out on couch. When he wakes for brief periods he is angry and irratable. I also caught him with cocaine and told him if I ever saw it again I would call the police.
It's hard to say everything in just one post, but I'm to the point where I have expressed my love and support, but am not receiving any indication of a willingness to change. My biggest problem right now, is that I'm a SAHM who hasn't worked in years, we have no savings and live paycheck to paycheck. We have 3 children living at home, 17, 13 and 6. Our house would barely sell for what we owe on it. I'm trying to work on getting our debt paid down, but it's a slow process. I have bad days, ok days and days like today when I need to close the door to my room and find something to throw while yelling that I can't take it anymore.
So....that's about it. Nice to meet you all, and I look forward being a part of this community.
Mary
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Hi Mary. Welcome! I'm really sorry you are in so much pain.
I don't have any advice, but wanted to let you know we are all here for you! Keep posting. It's good for your soul. Some know a lot more than me, so I'm sure they will have some great advice for getting yourself through this.
:ghug3
I don't have any advice, but wanted to let you know we are all here for you! Keep posting. It's good for your soul. Some know a lot more than me, so I'm sure they will have some great advice for getting yourself through this.
:ghug3
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
What is SAHM ?
Welcome.
You have your hands full. I am the mom of an alcoholic/addict.
I know it would be easy to say get out of the marriage w/o walking in your shoes.
With kids and financial burdens, do you need to figure out ways to reduce your own stress while staying in the marriage? There is lots of advice, support and experiences shared here. Keep posting and responding.
Welcome.
You have your hands full. I am the mom of an alcoholic/addict.
I know it would be easy to say get out of the marriage w/o walking in your shoes.
With kids and financial burdens, do you need to figure out ways to reduce your own stress while staying in the marriage? There is lots of advice, support and experiences shared here. Keep posting and responding.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Welcome! I am glad you found SR.
I love it here. It has helped me so much with dealing with both my alcoholic mother (sober for 30 yrs) and my recovering addict son.
Hang around and you'll find helpful people with similar circumstances.
You don't have to throw things, instead, post here!
I love it here. It has helped me so much with dealing with both my alcoholic mother (sober for 30 yrs) and my recovering addict son.
Hang around and you'll find helpful people with similar circumstances.
You don't have to throw things, instead, post here!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: novato, ca
Posts: 181
I understand what you're going through. I am a SAHM as well and homeschool out 2 disabled children. My AH was drinking the way you're talking about up 'till he quit about a year and a half ago. Strange how quickly it can progress from functional to not. Unfortunately, it looks like my AH has traded alcohol for benzos and painkillers. At least I don't have to deal with the stomach turning smell of alcoholism anymore.
The good news is. Your happiness does not have to be depentant on what your AH does or doesn't do. You have children to give your attention to and a whole world of wonderful things to explore.
The good news is. Your happiness does not have to be depentant on what your AH does or doesn't do. You have children to give your attention to and a whole world of wonderful things to explore.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Welcome to SR Mary, you have found a great place!!!!!
Doesn't matter that you are a Stay At Home Mom, what he is doing is Abuse. No not physical, but Mental and Emotional.
Please call your local Domestic Violence Shelter, tell them what you have told us, not only do they have counselors that you can speak with, they have other forms of help also. Please take advantage of it.
There is also Alanon. Check out some of the meetings, they will help and there is Alateen for your kids. Wouldn't hurt them to find out that other young folks have the same problems with a parent that they do.
Just some suggestions that might help.
Love and hugs,
Doesn't matter that you are a Stay At Home Mom, what he is doing is Abuse. No not physical, but Mental and Emotional.
Please call your local Domestic Violence Shelter, tell them what you have told us, not only do they have counselors that you can speak with, they have other forms of help also. Please take advantage of it.
There is also Alanon. Check out some of the meetings, they will help and there is Alateen for your kids. Wouldn't hurt them to find out that other young folks have the same problems with a parent that they do.
Just some suggestions that might help.
Love and hugs,
& Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Hello Mary and welcome!
Oh my....you do have your hands full. I am glad to hear that you are working on your own recovery. Reading about codependency and reaching out for help are wonderful steps toward a healthy life.
I hope that you will stick around SR and find the support and encouragement you need to handle the day-to-day stress of being a mother and a wife to an AH. You are not alone.
gentle hugs
Oh my....you do have your hands full. I am glad to hear that you are working on your own recovery. Reading about codependency and reaching out for help are wonderful steps toward a healthy life.
I hope that you will stick around SR and find the support and encouragement you need to handle the day-to-day stress of being a mother and a wife to an AH. You are not alone.
gentle hugs
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