invisigirl

Well, I went home for lunch and it's been raining and gloomy and DH was in a pissy mood and it's Spring Break and my son hasn't been home for 2 days. So I came back to work and dug out my travel bottle of Bacardi Gold, and now I sit here with 3 sober days down the toilet. I got nothing but encouragement here, I was so excited about getting started on a sober road, and look what I did. My conscience didn't even play a part in it. I just did it.

Can opening up about all this so much be detrimental? Reading about it, thinking about it, writing about it. I feel like it planted some seed and I had to give in to it or go crazy. I also feel like, well at least I'll sleep good tonight. And maybe I'll have something to talk to DH about when I get home, because when we're not drinking, there's not much conversation.

I don't know why I couldn't stop myself. I'm not a weak person, so I think I just didn't want to. I need to make up my mind.

nandm

I know very few people who can stop on their own once they have crossed the line into alcoholism. You are not a failure. You are not weak. You may have the disease of alcoholism. Is a diabetic weak because their body reacts to sugar different than the non diabetic? I am sure your answer was no. The same thing goes for the alcoholic. Once the alcohol enters the bloodstream the body reacts to it. It reacts in a different way than it does in a non alcoholic body. A non alcoholic does not have the obsession to drink. They may want to drink but their mind is not consumed with it when they try to stop. Many people can not stop on their own. This does not make them failures or weak in any way. It takes a lot of courage and strength to try and stop drinking as for most of us it has become a way of life. There are many recovery programs out there. AA is not the only one. Find one that works for you. There is a listing of them in the top section of the alcoholism forum here at SR. We have members here that represent all faiths including athiests, all recovery programs including AA, as well as races, nationalities, etc.... There is a lot of experience, strength and hope here. I hope you will take advantage of what is here.

Dee74

Breathing was my excuse for drinking (sorry to the originator of that line )
There's a million excuses - if you want to stop enough, no excuse is good enough

check out the links Nan suggested
Good luck and welcome!
D

teej

invisigirl, Keep trying!!

invisigirl

Thank you, Dee. And nandm, I wish you lived near me.

warrens

Invisigirl

First, welcome!

Well, my experience has been the opposite. Once I became SERIOUS about quitting, reading and writing here became a lifesaver. Whenever I was really struggling, I'd log on and write somebody. It occupied neurons that were otherwise going crazy.

There is no "putdown" in the above. It sometimes takes a while to get "serious" about quitting alcohol. When you get serious, you won't have a travel bottle an arm's length away. That would be more than most here could handle, I think.

By the way, what does "D" in "DH" stand for? I get confused by all the acronyms.

Peace to you. When I first started here I got nervous, too. I thought it was overkill. But I soon learned the discomfort was in seeing so much of myself in these threads.

warrens

Anna

I think the reason that you feel like things are being stirred up when you read, think about addiction is because you are threatening your addiction. And, I know when I was in that position, my addiction was fighting for its life. It knows exactly how to manipulate you. I would swear that I had no idea how I ended up in the wine aisle in the supermarket.

But, the good news is, that when you know what your addictive mind is doing, you can recognize it and move on.

Jersey Nonny

Quote:

I don't know why I couldn't stop myself. I'm not a weak person, so I think I just didn't want to. I need to make up my mind.

I think you really said it all here. AA may not be the only way, but it's the only one with which I am personally familiar...and, I would highly recommend that you give it a try. Oh, BTW...if you're sincere about wanting to quit, I wouldn't have a private stash of Bacardi Gold (or anything else) available.

nandm

Quote:

Originally Posted by invisigirl

Thank you, Dee. And nandm, I wish you lived near me.

We do, right here at SR...lol But seriously though there are many people just like us who have struggled with the same things as you. I am sure that you will find some near where you are. Although they may be more hidden. I look forward to hearing more from you as you progress with finding sobriety. You can do this, anyone can if I can.

invisigirl

Damn husband. :-) Just kidding, dear husband. I'm not familiar with the acronyms exclusive to SR.

mle-sober

invisigirl,

All I know about this is just my own experience. When I was finally able to acknowledge, in the deepest part of my heart, that on my own, I was unable to quit drinking, everything changed. Good intentions, promises and all the will-power in the world couldn't help me stop. But somehow, surrendering to that fact (that I could *not* do it on my own) was the key. Because, once I really surrendered to that, I had to find help. The hlep I found was an Intensive Outpatient Program and AA and God. Those three things have kept me sober for 45 days. And they were all new to me. God wasn't really new to me, I just hadn't been in very good touch with him. But the first thing I did was I got down on my knees and I prayed for help. The next thing I did was a looked online and found an AA meeting and I went. It was scary at first and unfamiliar but it's very important to me, personally. I have people there who have seen me drunk (yes, the first time I went drunk) and who have supported me and guided me - strangers who I might not have anything in common with otherwise. Wonderful people. Then, on the third day, I called my insurance and asked about a program. I found one and it's very helpful.

You can do this. Many, many, many others before you have done it. I can't believe I am sober today. For me it is completely a miracle. Just because you've stumbled doesn't mean you can't do it. Making up your mind is a good start. But admitting that you can't do it alone is the next step.

All the good wishes in the world.

invisigirl

You're right about that. I will get rid of it. I will.