imallright

Is there strength in numbers? I sure hope so, cause I need all the strength and support I can get. Ter, I know what you are saying and feeling. I am a mess. I know that living with someone with a drug problem (active or not) that has impacted my entire life for the past 25+ years is wrong. I know that I deserve more. In the meantime, I am feeling like I could die. My son is trying to stay neutral and in the meantime, I watch the pain on his face. My daughter is so angry and is lashing out at me in anyway she can. But, her Dad... he's the fun one, poor Dad, how can Mom do this. My husband has the shovel out and is heaping the guilt on me. I am trying to deflect it, but it's heavy! I feel lost, alone, sad, angry, exhausted. I can't sleep and I feel sick all the time. I know that I have to go through the grief, but this killing me. Ok, staying with him and allowing my life to be as it has been for 25 years is killing me too. I don't know where to turn (besides here). I try to make myself move forward, get out, etc. But I have nobody to talk to, nobody to do anything with. My daughter wants nothing to do with me unless I am signing a check! Friends.... nope. Too many years of trying to hold it all together and not much fun. I have to move from this spot. Please help me.

cece1960

((((imallright)))
I do believe in strength in numbers.
Many here have found great strength through meetings. There, you find others like yourself who understand where you are and what you are feeling.
And many have made life long friendships
Wishing you the best
((((Hugs))))

Jwife22

There is strength in numbers. I am sorry for what you are going through. Have you tried alanon or naranon? Face to face meetings with people you KNOW understand can help a great deal when you get these feelings.

BayAreaPhoenix

((((imallright))))

Try to find some meetings! You will meet people, who know and understand what you're going through, as Jwife22 and CeCe suggested. You need support like that and there will be your strength in numbers!

splendra

Oh sweetie-

I know the all alone feeling so well. I am glad you come here to share. You probably do need to reach out at a church or alanon meetings. Addiction is a disorder that grows in the dark and dries up in the light kinda like mildew.

The more I change my behavior the more my H changes too it is a slow process because I am moving slow. I suppose if I was younger I would have left him in the dust years ago but I met him later in life and the chickens have come home to roost so to say.

Do keep posting and take the advice you can a leave the rest but remember only you can change you and it is this way for everyone else too.

(((((((((((BIGHUGS))))))))))) 2 U

imallright

Thanks to all. I have been to meetings (alanon) before, and I think I do need to go back. The meetings, although very emotional and sometimes draining, at least provide with the knowledge that I am not alone. I can't just sit here and cry, so I guess I had better take a step. I don't know how I ever let my life get so crazy. It hurts so much, I have got to get strong again... I've done it before and I can do it now. Thanks for being there for me. Please keep talking to me.

grateful2b

sorry you are struggling but what a great attitude! IMO, it won't be long before you are just that ,strong again...
keep talking..we are here..

:ghug3

greeteachday

Imallright, You may want to see if you can find a few different meetings and see which one works for you. My Naranon group is a nice mix or oldies and newcomers, so it isn't filled with sadness. In fact, one of the most wonderful things I find about it is as bad as my day may be, I know when I walk in that room, i feel peace. And laughter...so often there is laughter and that is something we need in our lives. It is okay to let go for even just an hour, and laugh. It is good for the soul.

I'm really sorry your daughter has at least temporaily turned against you. Unfortunaltey you have probably done such a good job of protecting your kids from the consequences of his use, that she doesn't understand fully how addiction is destroying the family. In time, I hope and pray that this will heal. Hugs

imallright

greeteachday... thanks. I fear you are absolutely correct. I truly thought that my job as a Mom was to protect my kids. I didn't want them to have to deal with their Dad's issues. I was embarrassed and I felt like I wasn't being a good mother for allowing them to be in this situation. I stayed all these years because I thought it was best for the kids. Now, she thinks that I am to blame. Of course, Dad says it's his fault...but takes no real responsibility. "Your mother hates me. I guess I am just a horrible person." So, of course my daughter gets sucked into Daddy's pity party. I did go out today and the sunshine is beautiful. One day at a time... one minute at a time right now. Thank you all.