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Is this sound thinking?

Old 03-16-2008, 12:13 PM
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Is this sound thinking?

Hello all, I'm currently going through a situation where I need to make some changes. I am currently in AA but I am struggling to put together any time. My first attempt in the program I had like 80 days and went back out for one night. The last 2 weeks I have been drinking at night after the meetings, yet still attending them. I spilled the beans to a few members today and told them I need to make some changes in my program and do something new.

I am currently on disability from my job (which really eats me up inside, the thought that I am disabled). I just got through making some phone calls to try to get into an intensive outpatient program but all offices are closed until tomorrow. The bottom line is that I am having trouble staying sober, yet I really want to make it work.

Do you folks agree that an intensive outpatient program would be a good step to take to get me back on track? I know my thinking isn't always the best so I wanted to run it by everyone here.

In AA I have a sponsor but he told me to wait 90 days before we start working the steps. I can't get 90 days sober so I don't know what to do. I really want sobriety but I cannot seem to keep it together. I was going to 1-2 meetings a day but still drinking. I think the first relapse I had made it easier for me to go back out again, since I was able to justify it in my crazy mind.

Anyone have any other suggestions? I am going to my shrink tomorrow and I am going to ask him also, but he isn't in recovery so I am not certain that he completely understands. Thanks again, I wish everyone well!

Also, please don't be upset with me I just don't know what to do. I live alone with my best friend (my great dane) and we both want me to be sober since we had a lot of fun when I was able to take him out and play. I always feel like crap when I have to reach out for help, I always think people are going to be mad at me.
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Old 03-16-2008, 12:33 PM
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Wait 90 days?

I would ask your sponsor if they would work with you now rather then wait.
A talk with your Dr sounds like a good idea as well.
Keep trying and you will find the answers. 10 days here, 80 days there... each time we put together a few days, we learn a little more.
Try to think back on your thoughts on the days you make a choice to pick up that first drink. When we realize when, we can get a better handle on things that helps us not pick up that first one.
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Old 03-16-2008, 12:57 PM
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Why would anyone here be upset with you? Heavens! I think we're all in the same boat, so who can pass judgment on anyone else's program? You're doing the best you can, so don't beat yourself up. Just keep at it, one foot in front of the other.

I have relapsed, and that has taught me a very good lesson. I used to hear others talking about relapses in meetings, and I would swear to myself, "I'll never let that happen to me". HA! Can I get any more stoooopid?!

I've never done an outpatient program, but I think it sounds like an excellent idea. Anywhere you can find help, take it!

And LOVE yourself today
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Old 03-16-2008, 01:06 PM
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I wouldn't wait 90 days???? Whats up with that??? If I were you and you are ready to quit, I would march into that meeting (or another) and get a diff sponsor. Just my 2 cents
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Old 03-16-2008, 01:15 PM
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Good to see you are still around UN

I too slipped and slid around AA
What finally worked for me was reading
"Under The Influence"
especially the part on how alcoholics liver
and brain enzymes are affected by drinking.

That info...along with God and AA worked for me.

Just know that you are not alone in this matter.
I was doing AA 5 years
before I earned a 1 year medallion.

I have no personal experience on IOP's....
but why not give it a try?

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Old 03-16-2008, 01:22 PM
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We do understand how hard it is to stop and to stay stopped, so don't ever feel like you are being judged here. It won't happen.

I think you should do whatever you need to do to achieve sobriety.
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Old 03-16-2008, 01:32 PM
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Anything that helps you to stop and stay stopped is worth a try...it's called going to any lengths! Your sponsor is no doubt passing on to you what he was told by his sponsor, so you can't really hold that against him. However, with over 28 years of AA sobriety, I can't say that I've ever heard of a time-line given for starting to work the steps. If anyone here has heard of it, I'd be interested in their in-put.
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Old 03-16-2008, 01:36 PM
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I talked to 3 friends from my meetings and 2 were upset, one said this is a part of my recovery. I am going to go to IOP and get back on track. Am I a hopeless case or do you guys think I can get well? I don't like being drunk all the time but it's all I know. I am scared to change myself since I've been like this for as long as I can remeber. One friend from AA said he is done helping until I get serious about recovery and that really made me upset. I am serious about recovery but I don't know how to do it.
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Old 03-16-2008, 01:48 PM
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Have you ever been to detox and/or rehab? Since you're already unemployed and on disability, why do outpatient, if you can possibly do a more intensive inpatient program? Why not look into it? Maybe you need to try a completely different approach to recovery.

One friend from AA said he is done helping until I get serious about recovery and that really made me upset.
I don't know why anyone who is himself "serious about recovery" would say such a thing...unless his sobriety is early/shaky, and he feels uncomfortable being around someone who is still drinking. In that case, you need to respect that he's trying to protect his own sobriety...at least give him the benefit of the doubt.
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Old 03-16-2008, 02:11 PM
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My experience is that if I had been told to wait 90 days to work the steps I would still be drunk or dead.

Here is what the Big Book says about when to work the Steps
paragraph 33 of A Vision For You
On the third day the lawyer gave his life to the care and direction of his Creator, and said he was perfectly willing to do anything necessary. His wife came, scarely daring to be hopeful, but she thought she saw something different about her husband already. He had begun to have a spiritual experience.
Many times we will hear people suggest we delay taking the steps until we are "ready." We will hear things like: "first year, first step." This advice contradicts the experience of the authors. Here we see that this man took his Third Step on his third day. If we require a Power greater than ourselves to enable us to stay sober, it is best if we immediately set about establishing contact with this Power. The time to begin taking the steps is as soon as our heads clear from our last drunk.

If it were me I would either have this sponsor start me on the steps immediately or find another one who follows the book.
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Old 03-16-2008, 06:54 PM
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I have never known anyone who has not struggled at one time or another in their Recovery.

Before I became "Serenity Queen" I was the Queen of Relapse. That name was literally given to me by a nurse at the hospital where I kept going to detox, time after time after time after time. . .

You are not the only one who drank after meetings. I would stop and buy a bottle immediately after I left the meeting. The liquor store was not even a mile away. I sat in meetings determined to stay clean through the rest of the day and wham, I'd walk out the door and the urge to use was so strong!

I think God is sending you a message through your disability. Face it, right now, you ARE disabled, by your disease. I would thank God for this opportunity to have time away from work, (sounds like you are getting paid while on disability) and take the opportunity to jump head on into your Recovery. If you can get into an inpatient facility, that sounds like a wonderful idea. I'm sure you could find someone from AA you trust who your dog knows that could feed him while you were in detox or inpatient. Then you could follow up with intensive outpatient. There are many options available to you right now. Again, when I read your post, the very first thing that came to mind is that God has given you a wonderful opportunity to keep your home, your beloved dog and devote every minute of every day to your Recovery.Very few people have that opportunity so I would count that as another Blessing from God.

As far as the Sponsor thing, I feel this is God's way of telling you that this particular sponsor isn't the right one for you at this point in your Recovery. There are many great people out there who I'm sure would feel honored to have you ask them to be your Sponsor.

You are not alone in this struggle. Please don't ever forget that. We are here for you.

God Bless & Thank God . . . Just for Today,
Judy
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Old 03-16-2008, 07:47 PM
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I would try the outpatient program. If only because they test your urine and it's a bit of added incentive. Also, if at some future time you find that inpatient treatment is the only thing that is going to help you, the only way insurance will cover the inpatient is (generally) if you have a documented failure with outpatient. (Not saying you will or should fail for this reason, but just sayin'...)

This is very interesting to read. I have just over six months and am in sort of that "relapse will never happen" mindset. Yet, I was once in the hopeless state you describe and, but for the grace of god, could so easily end up back there.

When I was drinking my head off during my back injury which lead to spinal surgery, I had a serious case of the "I'll quit whens..." I'll quit when I'm not in pain constantly, I'll quit when money is not a constant struggle with my health insurance premiums, I'll quit when...you name it. Trouble is, when all those conditions were satisfied, new ones popped up in their place.

You said that you had mentioned your relapse to some of your fellow AAers. (I am saddened and dismayed by the reaction you have gotten, btw.) I have heard so many stories about people skulking around the rooms at the same time they were active, so I appreciate your honesty. Maybe make a promise to yourself to share about it whenever you pick up? I find telling others about things I'm ashamed about, particularly repeatedly such as I did in fourth step last night, has an effect that simply knowing about them in my own head does not produce.

Thanks again for sharing what you did. It really helps me, and I hope you find the path that brings you to a more serene and spiritual way.




Originally Posted by User_Name View Post
Hello all, I'm currently going through a situation where I need to make some changes. I am currently in AA but I am struggling to put together any time. My first attempt in the program I had like 80 days and went back out for one night. The last 2 weeks I have been drinking at night after the meetings, yet still attending them. I spilled the beans to a few members today and told them I need to make some changes in my program and do something new.

I am currently on disability from my job (which really eats me up inside, the thought that I am disabled). I just got through making some phone calls to try to get into an intensive outpatient program but all offices are closed until tomorrow. The bottom line is that I am having trouble staying sober, yet I really want to make it work.

Do you folks agree that an intensive outpatient program would be a good step to take to get me back on track? I know my thinking isn't always the best so I wanted to run it by everyone here.

In AA I have a sponsor but he told me to wait 90 days before we start working the steps. I can't get 90 days sober so I don't know what to do. I really want sobriety but I cannot seem to keep it together. I was going to 1-2 meetings a day but still drinking. I think the first relapse I had made it easier for me to go back out again, since I was able to justify it in my crazy mind.

Anyone have any other suggestions? I am going to my shrink tomorrow and I am going to ask him also, but he isn't in recovery so I am not certain that he completely understands. Thanks again, I wish everyone well!

Also, please don't be upset with me I just don't know what to do. I live alone with my best friend (my great dane) and we both want me to be sober since we had a lot of fun when I was able to take him out and play. I always feel like crap when I have to reach out for help, I always think people are going to be mad at me.
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Old 03-16-2008, 08:12 PM
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On Friday I found someome who could get me methadone and I did it without thinking. I really hate this lifestyle and I am going to commit to a new intensive program. A few AA members think I should go inpatient, which I am not opposed to, I just need someone to care for my 180lb puppy. I like being sober but I don't exacty know how to do it. I am willing to do inpatient if someone cares for my pup, if not IOP will be next step.

I am really struggling and don't know what to do. I like being sober more than being messed up but I can't seem to get it together.

My dog is easy-going and just needs some food and a 30 minute walk everday. I am praying someone will step up and give me a hand.

Anyone have experience who can giude me through this?
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Old 03-16-2008, 08:20 PM
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Maybe the methadone guy knows someone...
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Old 03-17-2008, 01:24 PM
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Good news, I got into the IOP program, starts next Monday. The better news is that my health insurance covers is 100%, no co-pays either.

I met a friend from AA at the dog park today. He has 18 years and said he would walk me through the steps. So I have a new sponsor, I have a program which will help bolster my AA program and I feel good about it.

My new sponsor told me something very interesting. He said "I'm sure you think you are a hopeless drunk, but you aren't. You are young and it's not uncommon for people to struggle even after getting a footing in AA." He also said that it's only in my head that I think I can't get better. He assured me if I follow his direction I CAN get well. I'm overall pretty excited, I want to live my life like I did those 80 days I had sober. My thinking is pretty screwy, I always think there is no hope for me, but what my sponsor said to me makes me feel great. He said he has seen homeless people who have been drunks for 30 years get better, so there is no reason why I can't.

As far as the other AA members not talking to me, my sponsor said some people are still scared to try to give advise in a situation where they are uncomfortable/ don't know exactly what to do.


PS- My dog ran for an hour today with 5 other dogs at the dog park, and he is currently sleeping soundly on the couch covered with a blanket, and will be for the next few hours. He's happy we got to go play.

Thanks everyone!

Last edited by User_Name; 03-17-2008 at 01:50 PM.
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Old 03-17-2008, 01:26 PM
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Originally Posted by FightingIrish View Post
Maybe the methadone guy knows someone...
That was just a stupid drunk decision to do a drug that I've never touched before. I feel crappy about it. Booze for me is the granddaddy of all drugs. If I stay away from booze I don't make stupid decisions to do other drugs.
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Old 03-17-2008, 01:49 PM
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Originally Posted by User_Name View Post
...So I have a new sponsor, I have a program which will help bolster my AA program and I feel good about it.

... I CAN get well. I'm overall pretty excited
Thanks everyone!
I haven't been in your exact situation myself (my BF is the recovering addict), but I wanted to say that reading this thread, seeing you go from frustrated and scared to hopeful and playful, made me really happy. Congratulations on your new beginning and new sponsor - he sounds wise and encouraging.
8

By the way, this might be an interesting book for you:
Amazon.com: I Have Heard You Calling in the Night: Thomas Healy: Books
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