RosieM

Had a discouraging talk with the realtor today - even as I get ready to go on a trip home to try to set up my new life - I'm trying like crazy and all by myself to get this house on the market and find a new one down home, but the realtor up here says it could be a very looong time before I sell this place.

My friends and family back home are so anxious for me to get back. I want to just go and leave all this behind. Have had so much forward movement in the past few weeks, but now...feeling anxious about what is going to happen. STBXAH is no help at all. Just feel like staring at the walls for awhile.

There is part of me that's saying not to worry - it's not going to be a problem- things will work out. But I am out of steam right now. Should be painting trim, sweeping the basement, cleaning up the yard - but I'm immobilized and paralyzed and deeply sad. Felt like I was doing pretty well but think I'm slipping. Doesn't help that the ceiling caved in on the front room last week, thanks to roofers who messed up last summer. Guess it's been leaking ever since - hopefully they will fix everything while I'm gone.

Even if I don't buy a place down there and decide to rent instead, I'll still have two house payments so what's the diff?

Anyway, just wanted to vent a bit. I miss my husband. I really liked sharing my life with him when he was healthier. I know now the problems were always waiting in the wings but there were some fun times together. This is all so sad and being alone through all this is tough.

lexusgirl

(((((((Rosie))))))))

I think the loneliness and missing who they used to be comes and goes in spurts. This is pretty normal and part of the grieving process. I commend you for being so retro active and looking forward to YOUR future.

Just a suggestion, but could you possibly rent out your home while it's on the market? I know the house I am renting right now was on the market last summer and there were renters living here. That way you could pay your mortgage. I know property rental companies can take care of most of it for you.

You're very lucky to have your family to go home to. I'm sure they miss you.

grateful2b

(((((Rosie)))))
don't have any words, just hugs.....

BohemiMamaof3

(((RosieM)))
One techinique when I was sad and in a wallowing, anxious and worrisome mood was to limit the time I would dwell on it. I would literally predetemine how much time to allot myself to do this on a given day. I would allow myself a little while to grieve, cry, wallow, whatever - but then I had to get up and start doing something productive.
I'm sorry you are hurting, but I'm happy you are taking the good steps toward a healthy life and caring for yourself.

RosieM

I like that idea of giving myself a time limit - I know I have to feel these things - but they are just feelings after all. All this uncertainty drives me nuts.

BohemiMamaof3

I understand. My problem is that I have that melancholy personality, and it can get out of hand at times. I was emo before emo was cool. Wait, was emo ever cool?

RosieM

A little dark chocolate, a cup of tea and a nice, hot bath - everything seems a little better now. Thanks to all for the suggestions and support. We soldier on. R.

peaceteach

Way to go, RosieM. It's powerful when you realize you can choose to say no today to melancholy. A big AHA! moment for me. Chin up, girl. Tomorrow is a good day for work at the place. A little nightime nurturing will work much better for fending off the feelings of "give-up". It's so important to take care of your soul while also bettering your situation. Once I learned that, life started moving in the right direction Recognize that going through this struggle is not over yet, but sometime in the future, you will have days where you spend ALL your time nurturing and spoiling yourself. Your house, your rules.

RosieM

Very true. Things look so much better today. Had a nibble on a possible job back home which lifts the spirits a bit, am going to drawing class today which is always fun, and I promise myself I will tackle some of this house crap today - once I have just one more cup of coffee! I must have slept for 14 hours last night, very restorative. If we can just get through the dark times, one minute at a time, a better day always awaits. Happy Sunday to all and many thanks.